Day 12 - Not easy

I have done so much better than I thought I would.

I just feel like crying right now and I have no idea why. I don't even want a cigarette, I just feel so sad. Nothing has happened to make me feel this way.

Ok so things aren't great between me and my husband and haven't been since I gave up. I have slept on the sofa ever since and really distanced myself from him (I have no idea why) and maybe I am just tired as I have hardly slept since giving up.

I have just been to see the nurse and got more patches and she said I was doing so well but all I want to do is curl up and cry. I wouldn't mind if I was craving a cigarette but I just feel so depressed.

I must sound like a right nutjob! The dreams aren't helping either as most seem to involve my husband and they are so vivid, last night he was going to kill me with a screwdiver :eek:, anyway he came home from work and I barely spoke to him so he has gone to bed for a sleep.

I just wish I felt the same way two days running!

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  • I have done so much better than I thought I would.

    I just feel like crying right now and I have no idea why. I don't even want a cigarette, I just feel so sad. Nothing has happened to make me feel this way.

    Ok so things aren't great between me and my husband and haven't been since I gave up. I have slept on the sofa ever since and really distanced myself from him (I have no idea why) and maybe I am just tired as I have hardly slept since giving up.

    I have just been to see the nurse and got more patches and she said I was doing so well but all I want to do is curl up and cry. I wouldn't mind if I was craving a cigarette but I just feel so depressed.

    I must sound like a right nutjob! The dreams aren't helping either as most seem to involve my husband and they are so vivid, last night he was going to kill me with a screwdiver :eek:, anyway he came home from work and I barely spoke to him so he has gone to bed for a sleep.

    I just wish I felt the same way two days running!

    Hi Chrissie,

    I'm so sorry you're having a tough time with your quit. The changes your body are going through are immense and it can be a real emotional rollercoaster at times. You don't sound like a nutjob at all!

    Not wearing the patches at night can really help with the dreams.

    Does your Hubby smoke? Did he ever smoke? I guess what I'm getting at is can he understand what you're going through? Maybe you'd feel less distant from him if you could talk about how you feel. That can be difficult when you know they can't understand. My boyfriend was so much more understanding after he read some of the posts on here.

    You've got to day 12 and that is a mega achievement! You deserve a big pat on the back and a big squeezy hug I reckon!

    Try to stay focussed and be positive - you can do this!

    Angie

    xxx

  • Thanks Angie

    I remove the patches at night already and it doesn't seem to make any difference.

    Yes my husband smokes but he has cut down loads, he has stopped smoking in the house. He talks about how I am feeling and is really supportive. I think because I love him so much I am just being a bit of a cow and taking all my frustrations out on him! I had better get out, get some fresh air and make it up to him later when he wakes up. I am very aware of being a bit stroppy and I suppose I am making such an effort not to take it out on the kids that he is getting the brunt of it, lol.

  • last night he was going to kill me with a screwdiver :eek:

    Was it a phillips or straight screwdriver? :p

  • Hello Chrissie,

    FINALLY, right up my alley; you are not a nutjob Chrissie or at least not a permanent one. If you are anything like me, you are probably just suffering from a wee, temporary bout of depression. You are no longer spending time with your best friend; didn't matter that your best friend was trying to shove you off a cliff, you still miss her. YOU WILL GET OVER IT! You will still miss your friend, but not as much.

    O/H and I quit at the same time and he really does not seem to need the pat on the head like I do. He seems to be doing so damn well, DAMN HIM! He is not suffering therefore he does not regard me as suffering. I really do hate the poor lamb; I hate that he snores, I hate that he ate the last piece of toblerone (REALLY hated that), I hate that he has only gained 4 lbs to my 15, I hate that he is even tempered, I hate that he does not know what to do or say to bring me back to earth, I hate that he FARTS (while I fluff, daintily).... He is leaving a wide berth between us, emotionally and physically ((Gawd, I hope he cannot read my murderous mind of late; luckily he would NEVER log onto this site; it would DEVASTATE him)Chrissie, I know it is hard to believe, but I really love my husband; my mind is just temporarily off kilter. Relations between us have been non-existant since quit. I really am not sure how much I can put on this site, but I will try...the other evening, kids were out and I gave him I best come hither look (not)..I pretty well said if you want to I will. Poor lamb bounded into the bedroom. It was so akward; felt like years.. I started giggling and told him I forgot how..he started giggling and we had liftoff. It has not cured anything, but it is better and will continue to get better. If not, I know where there is an abandoned well, way yonder on our land; silly fart showed it to me years ago.

    Chrissie, I am sorry for the length and rambling..just trying to show you that many of us feel this way and it will pass. For me, if I don't get over wanting to smother him with a pillow on a regular basis in the next two weeks or so, will get professional help. Right now, it's a good feeling. It kinda helps me thru the day and stops me from thinking of smoking as much.

    Chin up Chrissie, it will pass, it will get better, but not before it probably gets harder, but its WORTH it

    Jen xo

    P.S. am not advocating O/H murder, just fantasing about it

  • Thanks Angie

    I think because I love him so much I am just being a bit of a cow and taking all my frustrations out on him! I had better get out, get some fresh air and make it up to him later when he wakes up. I am very aware of being a bit stroppy and I suppose I am making such an effort not to take it out on the kids that he is getting the brunt of it, lol.

    First of all ((((hugs)))).

    It seems quite a lot of us go through a stage of depression. Some of the articles I read suggested that giving up was a bit like a grieving process, and I would agree. I recognise that feeling of 'nothing's worth doing, everything's just a blank'. If it is to do with smoking, it will pass (and for what it's worth, I reckon it is). If it turns out to be an unrelated depression I'd suggest a visit to your GP.

    But regarding the above, I think the absolute best thing you can do is tell your husband exactly what you just wrote. It'll make you both feel better.

    Hope you're on the up soon. And well done for keeping on with your quit through all this xxx

  • Thank you so much for the kind words, I have cheered up a little since this afternoon and feel a bit more human. I also wouldn't change how I am feeling right now just to smoke again, I found out when I took the boys for haircuts that my ex landlady has just been diagnosed with lung cancer and I suppose where it is a "real life" person it has just made me realise how important it is that I do this for me, my husband and my children.

    johnj6922 - It was a phillips:D

    Vabrownid1 - I am keeping a blog to look on back and it does really help. I also thought it may help others when I am further along my journey. Well done to you :)

    bbbreezy - Thank you, that did make me laugh! I can relate to so much of what you have written and I guess the "other" side of our relationship is what started the problems we are having now, I can't without smoking after and he got stroppy on valentines when we didn't so I decided sofa was the best option! lol

    Helsbelles - I guess I never thought of it like that and you are so right, maybe I am grieving.

  • I'm having the same thing this time. Never experienced it before in any previous quits, but this time i just feel... a bit empty. Struggling to build up any enthusiasm for anything, things i usually enjoy i just can't be arsed with, & i have the sleep pattern of an alsatian at the minute.

    I'm actually starting to piss myself off with how much of a moody arse i'm being!

  • I'm having the same thing this time. Never experienced it before in any previous quits, but this time i just feel... a bit empty. Struggling to build up any enthusiasm for anything, things i usually enjoy i just can't be arsed with, & i have the sleep pattern of an alsatian at the minute.

    I'm actually starting to piss myself off with how much of a moody arse i'm being!

    It passes MrE, my lot tell me I was a right moody @rse when I first quit (well more moody than usual) :rolleyes:

    The good news is I am still getting sympathy tea and sandwiches made for me over 3 months later (nobody tell Mrs J or there will be trouble):eek:

  • Thanks, things are looking up, just off to post an update in my new room :D

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