Saturday afternoon was terrible, I can never remember any of my previous quits being this difficult at such an early stage. I went and brought 10, I unwrapped the packet, pulled the foil out, took a fag out. Then a lighter in one hand and fag in the other, put fag in my mouth and went to light it.
BUT before I lit it something snapped in my head and I thought I can't do this, I cant let it beat me again so I put it along with the rest of the packet in the bin after squishing them up.
It was horrific when I went to buy them it was as though I was on autopilot, to think I could have been a professional smoker again just like that.
Sunday another bad day the cravings aren't very often but when they hit they are really strong and seem to go on forever. Then it's the battle of the voices one saying you can't do this and the other say yes you can.
Gees I hope things get better for me soon, this fight is tiring me out
Tinks xx
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That took NERVES OF STEEL - how absolutely amazing that you managed to stop yourself!
I'm so sorry you're having such a hard time at the moment. I'm sure it'll get better soon, tinks, you just have to stick it out a little longer. Maybe revisit some of those websites, do a bit of reading, help refocus your mind?
Really, though, you ought to be proud of yourself for resisting. x
wow well done you tinks that was a close run thing!! however bad the cravings get it is still better not to smoke, just remember how much you want to quit when you are smoking. remember just how negative smoking must be for even all the torment of giving up to be a better option than continuing to be an addict.
Wow Tinks that took some doing to finally resist, well done
Must admit i've been close to that point Fri and Sat, could have caved in if someone had just give a little nudge but then amazingly yesterday i didn't even think of a ciggie until late afternoon and then cravings were minimal and easily dismissed............ thank god!!!
Well done for deciding not to light up. You know in yourself that if you really want it, you can quit. Its that internal battle of voices in you head you need to stop. There should be no battle, only one voice, strong and determined saying 'I don't want to smoke', and meaning it.
You know all this Tinks. Only you can decide if you are ready for this or if you are fighting a loosing battle. From everything I have read from you since I have been here I believe you are ready, you just need to let go of your doubts about it.
Awww thanks guys for you support, means a lot. TBH as I was squishing the fags up I was thinking of this forum and how I can't smoke again as I don't want to be coming back with my tail between my legs saying I've lost my quit, again, again, again.
It seems as though a few of us have had difficult weekends, lets hope this week will be better.
And Sian, you are so right and yes I do feel I'm ready for this, I want nothing more than to be a non/ex smoker BUT I want to be a happy non/ex smoker and be able to lead a normal life a life that a non smoker and to a degree a smoker lives, at the moment I feel somewhere in the middle of the two, I feel a bit in limbo, but yes I do want this and I definitly do not want to smoke.
I guess it's like another forum member used to say, it's constant ongoing mental re-alignment. I 'trained' myself to smoke all those years ago, now I just have to 'train' myself not to smoke and to live a 'normal' life without fags.
Thanks again all and happy monday, here's to a better week for us all
Well done for realizing and putting them in the bin! you have done so well and apart from my 'blip' on Sat night of 1/2 a smoke I'm feeling great about it!
Don't worry, we're all here for you hunni and you stopped before lighting it up so that means you know that it is wrong!
Thinking of this forum is a good idea and it has helped me out a lot, so just remember we're here and gonig through the same thing as you are so we know exactly how it feels!
I guess it's like another forum member used to say, it's constant ongoing mental re-alignment. I 'trained' myself to smoke all those years ago, now I just have to 'train' myself not to smoke and to live a 'normal' life without fags.
Sounds like something Mr Firth would say?
You can do this Tinks, I know you want to just feel normal now, we all do, but for a comparatively short while its going to be uncomfortable...not normal. In the grand scheme of things its a very little while and it will get better.
You spent years and years smoking, it is going to take some time for not smoking to become the new norm. There will be things you do today, tomorrow, 6 mths time that make you think, god I could do with a smoke. You just shrug it off and carry on. I did a birthday party for my 5 year old on saturday with 20 screaming kids and a bouncy castle. At the end of it I thought wow I could so do with a smoke, then just as promtly forgot about it went home and had a cup of tea.
I guess what I am trying to say is don't rush yourself. When I quit last time one of the biggest reasons I failed was thinking right I have done this for 2 mths now I shouldn't be thinking about it anymore and should not be having cravings. I now know what a load of unrealistic tosh that was. I may think about smoking for another year but I know I will eventually stop. If I carried on smoking I will ALWAYS be thinking of smoking.
WELL DONE FOR RESISTING!!!! It's insane, the autopilot thing...it makes you realise that it's not just the addiction you've got to break, it's the everyday habit as well. It's day 18 for me & I'm getting the craving when I get home from walking my dogs...it was always a 'treat' to get home after a major stomp & spark up! Stupid, I know...so what I'm having to do is retrain my head & treat myself to something else after it...even if it is a bit naughty, that way I don't feel so deprived (which is stupid too...why, oh why do I feel deprived when I should feel proud???)
Good luck with it & I'm off to clean some glass...don't ask...it's an obsession of mine!!! Dirty mirrors do my head in!
I had a bit of a tough weekend as well... I think if I would have reached the point that you did that fag would have been lit. I'm sending you a completely heartfelt congratulations for that
I know what you mean about not wanting to come back to the forum admitting 'defeat' almost... Half of the times when I'm having a bad crave I just picture all of the replies I would get when ppl found out I fell off the wagon: the encouraging messages to get back on, changing quit groups, posting in day 1 again... etc usually those are all the sorts of things that get me to stop craving.
I do need to read some more though, I think all the stuff I learnt at the beginning of my quit is going out the window...
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