sneaky nicodemon

hey everybody

that sneaky nicodemon is playing serious mindgames with me now - for the first few weeks it was telling me that i NEED a cig to survive/function normally. Now its changing tactics. Ive just been sat here minding my own business and typing up some notes and my quit counter flashed up on my desktop automatically. I read that its nearly 900 cigs i havent smoked - then straight away a thought popped into my mind, like a little voice saying ' well youve given your body a good break from smoking now so its okay to start back up again' I swear it almost seemed plausible to me that it would be okay to smoke for a few weeks then quit to give my body a break and keep repeating this. I was so bizarre and it did nearly convince me. But i came on this forum (thankyou for being here) and every letter that i type make the urge a little less strong.

Think its my own fault to be honest because today i was thinking about how well id done lasting 6 weeks but then i started wishing it had been longer - wishing it would go faster so i could say that ive been quit for 6 months or A FULL YEAR. Started feeling a little overwhelmed then and thinking bout been quit for a year made my 6 weeks look really pathetic.But just a funny mood im in and probably nicodemon was behind it as well telling me ill never do it.

Just need to focus on today and take it one day at a time!!!!!!

Never realised how much nicodemon can mess with your thoughts like this - actually am gonna say it as it is !! It is not a demon it just my nicotine receptors in my brain are affecting my thought processes in an attempt to get me to give them their fix again. I can beat this and i will!!!

Rant over with now and do feel a little better - but am a little more nervous at what other mindgames i can expect in future!!!

Amy x x

3 Replies

  • Amy I identify with you sooooo much. You have been smokefree for six weeks and I have four weeks. We are both completely over the physical nicotine addiction but the mental addiction is still there. Not as strong as it was, but it is still there. I think I forget how strong the urges and cravings to smoke were at the beginning of the quit and now get upset when I have to cope with the mental addition and therefore give it more power over me than it deserves. We know what a ridiculous and dangerous habit it is but there lurking in the depths are the feelings "yes, but wouldn't it be lovely". That is what I feel at the moment. It will change, probably a couple of times before the end of the day, and the only way I can handle it is by distraction. Then it goes. I think of myself as a two year old being distracted out of a paddy, which makes me laugh. Talk about mind games:D

  • Hiya Amy,

    I hate those mind games! They happen a lot of the time when you don't expect it, after a while you learn what arguments to use against your mind.


    Nicodemon: You've given your body a rest, now you can smoke for a bit then just stop again!

    You: No, actually, I can't do that. I remember how awful and difficult that first week was and I never want to go through it again. Besides, I would stink and it's cold outside. Stop being silly and go away Nicodemon.

    Nicodemon: Just be a social smoker, you've got it under control now so you can just smoke on weekends.

    You: There's no such thing as one cigarette or social smoking, doing either of these would leave me exactly where I started and that is a FACT. Stop being silly and go away Nicodemon.

    Nicodemon:We're all going to die anyway, might as well enjoy life with a cig.

    You: there is no such thing as 'enjoying life with a cig'. I prefer to not slowly kill, poison and cripple myself for the rest of my life.


    I don't know if that post made any sense but that's what I tell myself when my addiction tries to get the best of me and I hope it helps for you :)

  • Hi Amy .. that conversation with the Nicodemon is so familiar to me and I can only praise you for telling him to go forth and multiply - I know from a previous failed attempt just how he works .. tiny steps at first thinking you won't notice he is taking over then ... wham - he has you in his grasp dictating your whole life again - I only hope I will be able to cope with it in the coming weeks as I am still really excited to get to 2 weeks (tomorrow) and on a bit of a high I suppose because it is still relatively new to me and people are interested in how I am doing - I read a post here from a lovely lady who had obviously had a great deal of support from here but decided this site was (at the stage of her quit) just reminding her about smoking ... it just shows you how different we all are because I realise that long after my friends and family have forgotten about this mammoth task I am undertaking I will still be doing battle from time to time and will need to haver the support I get here for many many months to come ... well done you for showing him who's boss ... and thankyou you have just got me through my after dinner fag crave!! stay strong all xxx

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