Whats The Point?

Hmm on thursday it will be my 3rd month since my last cig ! - " Yay " - hmm, well i should be happy i guess, but im really thinking what on earth is the point

[*]Unhappy

[*]Make other people around me unhappy

[*]very crabbit

[*]getting very big !

[*]oh and unhappy

Thats a few of my feelings, i have no positive ones that i can think of - And constantly over the past month ive been asking over and over whats the point, ofcourse, there is all the normal answers like "its great for your health" - "blah blah " all the rest, but does anyone else not just feel like it was good smoking?... it was good for that "time out" for 5 mins at your backdoor - it just feels like me and the cigs made a deal, they will kill me slowly, but keep me happy quickly lol -

The post sounds very negative, but hey, its how im feeling .... Just wondering if anyone shares the same thoughts, or if anyone went back to smoking after the 3rd month and continued it later in life?

Oh and , it just feels like ive made everyone else happy, and made myself really unhappy

25 Replies

oldestnewest
  • Hi thedvd

    I am sorry that your feeling so unhappy especially at a time when in all reality we are all meant to feel extremely happy.

    You have quit for 3 months so thats good but those feelings of unhappiness have you spoken to anyone about this, maybe there is another reason that your feeling like that.

    Im only on day 13 so cant tell you any further than that to how i have felt and for me i feel fine but then everyone is different.

    I know we are almost made to feel like we are giving something up when we stop smoking but it should have got a little easier for you by now, the only thing i can think of is maybe there is some other underlying reason to why your feeling the way you do.

    Hoepfully someone else will come along and give there words of wisdom, but hey you have done something so great by quitting and it would be a shame to have to start all over again.

    Good luck my friend

  • Hi , ty for reply -

    Yes, i say to my partner, she just says well i dont know what to say - we always have the same convo, i say i want to start cause, she says you shouldnt, and thats it - its rather annoying, cause if i do choose to start, then i know my partner will be in a mood with me,. which annoys me because i want to do what i want (and i do actually want to smoke now as this did make me happy!) yet, she will be unhappy which i dont want ! - grr

  • I'm going to get shot down in flames for this.

    If you really, really want to go back to cigarettes then do it.

    It is your life, and I'll repeat that, it is your life.

    Read into that what you will, and make your own decision.

    You're the only one who can !!!!

  • Hi , ty for reply -

    Yes, i say to my partner, she just says well i dont know what to say - we always have the same convo, i say i want to start cause, she says you shouldnt, and thats it - its rather annoying, cause if i do choose to start, then i know my partner will be in a mood with me,. which annoys me because i want to do what i want (and i do actually want to smoke now as this did make me happy!) yet, she will be unhappy which i dont want ! - grr

    They were my words on my 2 (serious) previous quit attempts. I ended up smoking again and regretted it both times. Nothing anyone can say will stop you smoking if you have set your mind to it. YOU need to CHOOSE not to smoke. Look at your reasons for stopping, they must have meant something to you when you quit 3 mths ago, they must still mean the same thing now?

    The way you're looking at things now is purely your addiction talking. Read back what you have said 'its rather annoying, cause if i do choose to start, then i know my partner will be in a mood with me,. which annoys me because i want to do what i want (and i do actually want to smoke now as this did make me happy!) You can choose to give in to that addiciton and become its slave again or you can choose to get though this bit of pain for the greater outcome.

    You are currently at the terrible 3's, have a read of this talesfromthequit.com/the-te... and when you have finished that have a read of the link in my signature that ends in 'choose your pain'

    I hope that you make the right choice for you. I personally choose the pain of change.

    Levs

  • This is a tough one!!

    I think you almost answered your own dilemma here.

    Could it be that there are different issues between you and your partner that you may be tired of the partnership? Hence it would be easy to get something to be angry about etc etc if you just smoked....

    My first thought was though: ohboy has he got a STRONG niccodemon, awesome specimen there!

    See, it helps ME enormously to think of the "addiction" "habit" "wanting" whatever you want to call it, as something OUTSIDE of me. Its Not Me (cough, there is that nick), it is something else that tries to control me. Sooo, if it gets loud, I can step aside and look at "it" from the outside perspective and then judge what to do. It makes it a lot easier for me than just to think I am weak and whatever, and its no good and give in....

    And thirdly, yep, if you WANT to smoke, nobody but you is holding you back. Nobody really has any business telling you what to do cause its your body and your life :) If you CHOOSE not to smoke and having trouble hitting niccodemon over the head, everybody here will gladly help. But don't expect anybody here to be angry, upset or sad with you if you go ahead and smoke, its not that we don't care, its just that we are RIGHT THERE in the same boat ;')

    ahhhh, I wish you would find SOMEthing positive about not smoking. The tiniest thing to hold on to, enjoy, embark, love......

  • After 3 months you've probably forgotten the reasons why you wanted so desperately to give up that you went through the first week(s). Just remember why you stopped - it takes much more effort to stop, to have that last cigarette and go though a week of intense psych/phys. withdrawal, than it does to stay stopped.

    I'd suggest you'd feel just as down with the cigarettes, but find a different reason as the cause. You'd also have the extra weight you put on from the quit to deal with while smoking again.

  • HI DVD,

    I fully undersatnd you wanted to smoke and your reasons to do really ring true with me.

    I am on day26 and have put up with all you are saying and so miss a smoke,but in the midst of this I have flashes of insight to see its just the mind playing games and you have proved you can overcome this.

    I am slowly putting on the weight but am trying not to,don't despair I know it sound patronizing join a gym or go to local pool for a swim I know it is easyer said then done.

    try .How many did you smoke and for how long and how did you give up?

    terri

  • Hi dvd.

    When i first saw ur post i was like "omg...hes writting exactly what im thinking"...I am in 69 days without a smoke....These 69 days have been the worst for me...im unhappy, i cant enjoy anything, i have bad mood...i cant even go out to bars and just walks to flirting places cause i feel like theres no meaning to it without the pleasure of the smoke...The reason i personaly quit smoking after 8 yrs of smoking was because entering my 25th yr of life i noticed i am developing crow's feet and lil wrinkles on my face..."i was like wtf?crow's feet at 25? So hopping that this damage will be repaired after a while of quitting smoking i decided to quit....(and yes its true that smoking wrinkles ur face, in my university i noticed a 23 yrs old kid who was smoking at every brake beetween lesson and u cant even imagine how developed and deep crows feet he has, even not when he laughs...its pathetic......Well in conclusion, my wrinkles didnt get any better after 69 of not smoking and maby will never be repaired its just what smokers get+ genes....i feel unhappy and all that u mentioned...so...i think i have a posibilitty of 20% to go back to smoking :(....i miss even the days i was doing 5 smokes a day.

  • mmmmm im day 70 of no cig . i feel the same of some of the above posts .Sometime i could kill for one ,but i ride it out and passes . I really thought this far on the craves would not be as so intense . For today so far i have not smoked. that is what i do .Having said that ,over all im getting used to not having a cig with everything i do if that makes sense .

  • Hmm on thursday it will be my 3rd month since my last cig ! - " Yay " - hmm, well i should be happy i guess, but im really thinking what on earth is the point

    [*]Unhappy

    [*]Make other people around me unhappy

    [*]very crabbit

    [*]getting very big !

    [*]oh and unhappy

    Thats a few of my feelings, i have no positive ones that i can think of - And constantly over the past month ive been asking over and over whats the point, ofcourse, there is all the normal answers like "its great for your health" - "blah blah " all the rest, but does anyone else not just feel like it was good smoking?... it was good for that "time out" for 5 mins at your backdoor - it just feels like me and the cigs made a deal, they will kill me slowly, but keep me happy quickly lol -

    The post sounds very negative, but hey, its how im feeling .... Just wondering if anyone shares the same thoughts, or if anyone went back to smoking after the 3rd month and continued it later in life?

    Oh and , it just feels like ive made everyone else happy, and made myself really unhappy

    OK so do you want us to try and talk you out of smoking again or do you want us to agree that yes the quitting wasnt easy in fact it was bl**dy hard and the worst part for me was the first 6 months and then it got better but we cannot make you stay quit thats your choice but come on and tell me you felt so fit and healthy when you smoked and that you knew that in maybe 10 years when they tell you you have COPD or even worse LC you want mind and still think smoking is great ?????????but hey you have just said that want matter, and yea thats what my friend said when they diagnosed him with it at 49 I DONT THINK sorry but he is a great guy and so wishes he had quit years ago before it got him, so your choice smoke / dont smoke let me know so I can support you if you choose to stay in your great quit.

  • jamangie is very right...quitting is ****ing bitch and a ****ing pain in the ass...im in day 70 and last 3 days i have all day a non-lighted cigarette in my mouth...i dont know why...i just have it there...but although i think at least 100 times in the day to light it up....i dont...and i think that i dont because 95% of smokers die from cancers mostly lung cancer...i dont because all smokers die from cancers very young....i am trying like crazy not to light it up because i dont want to be one of the 95% of fools that never thought would happen to them and someday doctors told them"hey you will die in 6 months"(and then the doctor will just go and **** his wife as you cry for the bad choices)...its hard like a biatchhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh....but i keep trying not to light it up...i try not to be the guy that all will go at his funeral and the other morning will laugh and take long nice walks at the country with their cars...

  • DVD you have had some great advice here from people with more experiance than me.

    When I read your posts first you sounded like a stroppy teenager throwing a tantrum, I could almost see you stamping your feet in frustration.

    Imagine how you will feel next week if you give in now?.....................

    Your partner, I think you are using that as an excuse (sorry for being so blunt, but its what I have done in the past too).

    I believe that the fact you came on here and posted means that you really dont want to start again, you could have just gone and bought some fags!!!

    I believe in you, and I would ask that in 2 months time, when I am in your position and come on here saying the same thing, that you are still here posting as a non smoker and you kick my but :D

  • Where is thedvd???

    So what happened ?

    Where has thedvd gone to?

    Was this just a bored person playing about?

  • i did think that;)

  • DVD never returned ???? just been shopping ,everybody out side tescos had a cig in their hand lol . and the smell ,well part of me really loved it and the other part felt like, that smells awful .Funny how the brain plays tricks

  • No Jans he didnt and now I feel guilty for being so harsh, oops I hope he/she didnt go off and light up after posting on here for support, I am sad to say now starting to hate the smell when I have to walk through a group of smokers outside shops and pubs and I hate the fact that my clothes smell even after that short trip.

    I hope Im not turning into a reformed smoker LOL

  • My gosh! What's happened? Could it be the winter blues? Or is Nasty Nic trying to use the festive season as an excuse to grab some followers back.

    Because of the job I do, I am pretty good at researching most things, so over the past few weeks I've been arming myself with as much information as possible to get me through moments similar to what's been described here.

    Here is some stuff I hope people will find helpful:

    Spots Dirt, which is covered bacteria, enters the pores. The bacteria is attacked by the body's defence system (antibodies) which cause the baterial cells to lyse (effectively explode) and rot. The rotten bacteria is the pus in the spots, sometimes not enough for you to notice, and the swelling is caused by blood rushing to the area where the bacteria is to get as many antibodies there as is needed.

    In the smoker, this defence system isn't as efficient, so when you quit and your body starts being more efficient your defence system goes into overdrive, getting rid of new and already dormant bacterial attacks to your pores. Eventually it will settle down to the right amount of defence needed and the spots will reduce.

    Sadly, smoking causes your skin to lose some elasticity so a smoker's pores are slightly larger than perhaps a non-smoker of the same age. This makes it easier for dirt to get in in the first place.

    Wrinkles Just the way it is, if you've already got 'em, they ain't going to disappear (unless you opt to get cosmetic work done!). However, if you continue to smoke you will get a lot more wrinkles than if you did not.

    Weight Nicotine causes an adrenaline release in the brain. Adrenaline tells the body to release excess glucose into the bloodstream. This translates to the using up of about 200 calories in the 20-a-day smoker. Adrenaline is the "fight or flight" hormone. This cause the blood to got to the skeletal muscles rather than the intestinal muscles, too. This in turn slows down the digestive system and therefore supresses appetite.

    If you are worried about the extra 200 calories, this can be used up by walking or doing moderate exercise for 30minutes a day. Otherwise, 200 calories equates to two glasses of coke, a large glass of whole milk, half a McDonalds cheeseburger, one and a half sausages, two packets of crisps, half a mars bar (in other words, something you can most likely cut out without noticing it too much).

    Smoking also increases your metabollic rate, so quitting slows it down and therefore you burn fat/use calories less quickly. Doing just 30mins of exercise every other day or 15mins per day will help it to increase again.

    However, some lucky people out there have a naturally high metabolic rate, so weight gain just doesn't affect them (you lucky b****rs!).

    In previous posts, you will see how much weight I was putting on, but following this advice over the past two weeks, suddenly the weight is dropping off again. I've even had to return some new "post quit flab clothes" today because they were too big!

    Health Well, I am sure I don't have to explain the health benefits to anyone. However, I think that when we start feeling good for a while, it's easy to forget what it was like before.

    The body has no pain memory. That is, you cannot cause yourself to experience a past pain just by thinking about it, in the same way as you can drum up emotions by remembering a joke, the passing of a loved one, or the joy of seeing someone you love.

    This is a defence mechanism the body has, being able to "remember" pain would make us unable to survive as a species as we'd become too cautious. The problem with this for the smoker is that we also think the pain wasn't as bad as it actually was.

    You may be saying, but smoking isn't painful; but it is. That sensation of hot smoke going down your throat and the hit as it reaches your lung is hundreds of cells in your body dying (lysing, just like the bacteria). It may not seem like agony, but it's just because there are less pain receptors in those areas. Don't forget the twinges in your chest, the muscle cramps in your ribs and, one most ex-smokers forget, the headaches/dull feeling in the head? Noticed how they have gone since you quit?

    The problem with the health benefits is it is not something we immediately see as a whole picture. It takes time and one day in the future you'll see a smoker of your age and their struggling health and then the penny will drop "That could have been me". An ex-smoking friend (she's been quit 15 years) put it to me like this "if you had a window in your chest and you could see the damage you are doing to your heart and lungs, you wouldn't smoke. Because you can't see it, you block it out of your mind. And if you see one of those pictures of a diseased lung your 'it won't happen to me voice kicks in'".

    Sad truth is, if you continue to smoke it is very likely to be you.

    Money Almost £7 a packet for most brands in GB. Enough said!

    I hope this helps answer some of the queries people have.

    It is ultimately your body, your life and your right to smoke or not to. Nobody can change that. However, if you are feeling down or doubting your continuation of being smoke free just ask yourself the following questions?

    Is this situation really as bad as I am making out or am I just looking for an excuse to smoke?

    Can I really not find anything truly beneficial to staying smoke free?

    Is smoking again really going to change things for the better?

    How am I going to feel in a few months time when I am back to my old amount per day or more than my old amount per day?

    Can I get through this rough patch now or do I want to start from scratch again in the future?

    What was so great about smoking anyway?

    Be abrutally honest with yourself. Don't let your Nicodemon ty to influence your answers or judgment.

    But most of all be happy in whatever you decide to do. You'll only punish yourself if you make a decission that in the long term makes you unhappy.

    Stay strong and remember you are not the only one going through this and you certainly won't be the last.

    Trandem x

  • Great post Trandem, thank you, just what I needed to read. I have printed out your questions and they are going on my fridge. And Jamangie what you said in your initial rang so true to me and was just what I needed to hear. If I were to give in it would be nobodys fault but my own, so I won't, just for today!

    Do we all go through this "why bother" stage? is it just another step on the road to recovery? For me it is harder to beat than the initial physical addiction and that is why this site is so valuable, because there are people like you who take the time to help. And the right thread seems to jump out at me at the right time - now there is another positive!

    Thanks again all you quitters. The last few days there has been a gathering cloud over my head and I can feel it lifting and the sun coming back - YAY:)

  • Beware the tricky 3 s ! ! !

  • Trandem, that was an amazing post!

    I'm not struggling at all with the 'why bother' thing at the moment (had that a few weeks ago and I'm sure it'll come again at some point but not now). I was reading the posts trying to come up with an answer in my head to the unfortunte frame of mind that some people on here were expressing and really your post did it all!

    One thing I would like to say to blitz is that if you think that everything to do with non-smoking help seems like advertising then I think in your mind you're still a smoker. Smokers are those people that think it's silly to think about the 'side affects' to their 'habit' and they hate seeing it down in paper that what they are doing is actually really stupid. I noticed that I used to think like this a few weeks into my quit... and once I realised that it's not just about the money and standing in the cold I felt comfortable enough in my quit to really be happy and enjoy situations without a cigarette.

    Like Trandem said, it's really up to everyone what choice they make and as long as you're happy with each decision you make you'll be fine.

  • A few interesting reads here in the last few days.

    Firstly, I absolutely agree with trandem about the pain thing - I call it the pain amnesia and have posted about it somewhere previously. If we could remember pain women would only have one pregnancy and birth! That would not be good for the population of the species! Same with smoking, you just forget - I was commenting about my cold and annoying cough today and my sister was incredulous "you used to cough 10 times worse ALL day, and you think this is bad!?" We choose what we want to remember depending on our point at the time.

    I also agree the spots etc are to do with the immune system kicking back in. Smoking suppresses your immune system to such a degree that when you quit it goes into overdrive - like a pendulum swinging too far the other way prior to reaching equilibrium. That is why, in my case, I have broken out in a tonne of spots, my asthma is back with a vengence and I am having allergic reactions to dust etc. This should all calm down. Additionally, regarding spots, smoking causes an increase in sebum (oil) production to combat the drying effects of smoke, therefore when you quit smoking you no longer have the same drying effect, but it takes your body a while to realise and then a while to react. Just like it takes a while smoking to get emphasaema!

    So essentially when you quit you give your skin perfect conditions to become spotty if you are that way inclined. I have always had bad skin, so it came as no surprise, but now after nearly 5 weeks of terrible skin it does appear to be calming itself down, so fingers crossed!

    Ultimately though, no one can talk you into or out of smoking. It is up to you, and your mindset will determine what you chose to listen to. I personally believe people use quitting as an excuse for their behaviour rather than looking at other causes. I have found I have been calmer now I am not focused on my next fix 24/7. Equally, when you smoked you put so much poison into your body - who knows what mental conditions that could hide or exacerbate. If you want to smoke you will chose to find a reason to smoke, and you will pick holes in anything anyone tells you with a "I know that, but..." if YOU want to stay quit, you will answer the nicodemon's requests to smoke with "I know that, but..." ultimately it is all up to you, the ex-smoker.

    (and for those of you who did not guess from my handle, I have a PhD in genetics and am training as a nurse so do have 'some' logic behind my ramblings, just not great with words. This is in response the the 'no proof of claims' comment, I could dig out the research but try and write so EVERYONE can understand).

  • The Point Is...

    Every now and again I stop by here...I've started working on the 4th year of my quit, now, and I have to confess it's really easy. It wasn't so easy for me during the first, say, six months of this quit.

    Let me say this...I have a somewhat different perspective on quitting. My first quit was in 1985, after I had been smoking for about 17 years. I remained quit until 1996, when I began again after having one cigarette at a bar when I was depressed and drinking.

    I smoked again until 2007--see what 1 cigarette will do to you?

    I have learned a few things about cigarettes. First they are relentlessly, criminally addictive. Second, they are a masterful cloaking drug--they associate themselves with everything. Some people miss the after-dinner cig, the after-sex cig, the let's-take-a-break cig, the off-to-work cig, the after-work cig, the beer cig, the get-me-perky cig. The awful truth, though, is that they are none of that. It's like someone who claims to be a friend of all your friends, therefore he is your friend too. Well, that's wrong, he's not your friend.

    I could rattle on and on about cigs--how they killed my brother and got away with it, for example. But I won't. I will only say this: you've done a good job beating this guy and making it this far. Just remember, however, that while he gets more and more distant with every cig you don't smoke, he never, ever gives up. He practices psychological warfare when he's not practicing chemical warfare. He taunts, cajoles, makes you think you look ugly because you aren't smoking, you aren't cool, you aren't relaxed, you aren't happy. Remember that none of it, not one single bit is true.

    Remember my case, where after 11 years of NOT smoking all it took was a single cigarette to get me going again for another 11 years of click, fire, light, puff; click, fire, light, puff; click, fire, light, puff.

    You're doing an excellent job on your quit. You've been strong so far, just keep it up. Take the encouragement from all the other quitters here. As we all say, "If I can do it, you can too!" And you can! Congrats on what you've accomplished so far, and know that others are with you, you will succeed, and it gets easier with every cig you don't smoke!

    RobW

    Quit: 17 October 2007

    Method: Cold Turkey

    Lapses: Not one.

  • Answer to blitz

    Basically this is an answer to blitz.

    Dear blitz...as i said i stopped smoking cause i wanted to look young for as long as it can be possible.Now things get little complicated. In general humans body produce elastin and colagen untill the age of 35.(i mean great accounts like 90%...because even 70 yrs old ppl produce collagen but like 5%)...What colagen does is to heal problems at ur skin and elastin keep ur skin elastic. So, my self i am 25 yrs old..that means myu body wil produce all the colagen and elastin i need for 10 more years. I have quit for 3moths and 16 days, more than 5 people have told me how much healthier and brighter my skin looks and i can also see in the mirror my skin white and shinny. Before i had lot of broken cappilaries and it was like little red veins on my face...They are 100% gone in these 3+ months. .Why is that? Because quitting smoking 1st stoped all toxins that where blocking nutritians and also poisoned my skin and 2nd cause my skin got 100% of all the hydration and oxygen it needed.(i got before and after photos if u want proof). As for the spots u say....before that wonderfull youthfull skin appeared on me...i was for at least 2+ months full of pimples(have never seen so many pimples in my face), and yes as u have guessed those pimples were from the toxins my body was taking off. As for wrinkles and fine lines...because of the colagen production as i said and bla bla bla...will get REPAIRED at least 30-50% in next 5-6 years...thats a fact and something that even my dermatologist showed to me when i visited him before 4 days..i already got a 2-3% reversing. But always rememeber that they will never go away totally,(except someone was like 13 yrs old)...and also fine lines and wrinkles in places of face that we use everyday like smilling frowing and stuff will never go away..they will only heal in some %, depends on your age and ur type of skin.i personaly have extra oily skin wich helps keep my skin hydrated....

    oufff....i wrote a lot...

    In coclusion i have more than 5 ppl who have said to me how great and bright and without spots, my face looks, i have 2 ppl said to me that my face looks like its smooth with no fine lines and stuff...and i have been called kid and young man from ppl out at the street(last few years i was called mostly ''gentleman'', like i call ppl over 50 u know...), at supermarket, and lot places...

    So as others have see, as i have seen, as my dematologist have seen, the difference in my face in these 3+ months is huuuge, wich means my reason for stopping smoking is real and even right this moment fights to fix what smoking caused me and it will do for next 10+ years, so it was a wise choice as me and lot others have seen from my skins improvement and SO i go on on my quitting....

    (Btw because skin is just bullshit in front of cancers and stuff, i made blood exams because i wanted to go back to swiiming and these new blood test results i made before 2 days are 40% better than the ones i had before 1 year!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Imagine how this stupid cancer stick hurts our organism....and all that in only 3 months and 16 days....!!!!!!!!!

    In conclusion smoking is a stupid thing that kills everyone and everything and im very angry that stupid goverments sell them to make money... :(

  • Who cares if the OP never came back (sorry op nothing personal). This thread is pure, unadulterated, quitters gold.

    I can't really contribute, but I can say a big thank you to all who have.

    I have enjoyed reading this, I'm over week three I'm into the slightly easier bit so I did indeed 'enjoy' reading this rather than needing to.

    But when I do need to, and I may, this will be my first port of call.

  • To echo what Looper says, a fabulous thread and thank you to Trandem and RobW especially for your pearls of loveliness.

    I had a 'what's the point' moment yesterday. It only lasted for about half an hour and luckily i was with a (smoking) friend who i could talk to and who was very good at talking me round and saying how proud she was etc. I don't doubt if i'd been on my own i would've walked to the shop and them "bam!", 5 weeks down the drain.

    That bl00dy nicodemon is a sneaky one, isn't he :mad:

You may also like...