Day 7 - Could it be schizophrenia?

I'm brand new to this forum and have luckily stumbled across it while looking for an outlet to vent!

20 a day smoker for 19 years - 34 year old woman.....

Quit day June 28th, 2010

I have tried quitting before, many times before. But, for some reason, this is the only time where I have felt the most in control of my cravings both physical and phycological ... I have always gone for the Cold Turkey method, and have read Allen Carr's book once before - - once I think I also tried the gum... this time... once again I read Allen Carr's book - and that's it. I think though, that from all my previous times trying, I really learned what to expect as far as how I would react to certain pressures and how I could expect my moodiness to effect myself and others around me.

I do however feel a bit like a schizophrenic - because my mind does try to play tricks on me to convince myself to have a cigarette... so, I tend to find myself talking myself out of it... or as Allen Carr puts it --- you think about smoking, just think .. "Yippee, I am free!" but, I do feel like I'm living a lot in my own head at the moment, just to get through each day. I think the difference between this time around quitting (for good), and the previous attempts is that I am telling myself why I don't want a cigarette rather than why I do want one.....

The first 3 days seemed to be easier than these last 4 days... I am very irritable and actually feel like I need to change my whole life around... maybe depression is setting in a bit... not quite sure what's happening... but, I have a great life... live in the sun and teach people how to dive... so, my life is hardly stressful... but, do find myself with a lot of spare time on my hands now that I'm not smoking....

In the past 7 days, I haven't had a real epiphany as of yet.. I mean, I sleep the same, I don't feel like I have any extra energy, would even say even still a bit lathargic in the mornings...well, I guess I'm not weezing AT ALL...but, the only big difference in my life at the moment is I'm not smoking.. Sometimes during the day, I do feel like my brain is on Speed or something... but, that only lasts for a minute or two.... I'm actually a bit concerned that I am not having many symptoms like coughing and feel more energetic etc.etc. does this mean my body is not actually healing itself, I wonder? That's the scariest thought for me...

So, that's my story until now... I'm really happy to have found this forum..

Sylvia

13 Replies

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  • Welcome to the forum, Sylvia! Congrats on getting through your first week, surely the toughest to get through. All you describe is normal.... the way you feel, the symptoms you may or may not be experiencing..... every quit is different and we don't all cough or feel more energetic (I didn't).

    I also read Allen Carr and saying 'yipee I am free' was incredibly difficult for me in the beginning..... like you, I continuously reminded myself of why I did not want to smoke anymore and the list of my reasons became my mantra.... over the past 16 months I have learned to indeed say 'yipee I am free' but my mantra in my head is still my most helpful tool when battling craves or thoughts of smoking (although I've not had anything to battle for months and months now ;))

    This is a great forum, full of support and also tons of information that you may find very valuable for your quit..... reading other peoples experiences, supporting others, and learning about what to expect when quitting has helped a great many members get through tough times.

    So welcome and good luck in your quit!

  • Hi Bellablue,

    Thank you for your reply and your welcoming! I really do appreciate it.

    So, today seemed to be good for me. Aside from my irritable side coming through every now and again, I've only noticed a few positives.... for instance, I just bought myself a brownie (the same one I always buy).. and I tell ya, it was the most delicious tasting brownie I've ever eatten - it was like none I've ever tasted before!! ... today...it tasted totally different... I guess this is a good sign that my taste buds are coming back! I am also noticing my sense of smell has greatly improved.... and for any of you who are divers out there... My tank of air lastest longer on my dive today than it usually does.... so, three positives getting me through the day!

    So, I am happy I'm through my first week and on the start of my second... I wouldn't say I'm out of the woods yet...but, I can see the light through the trees!

    This forum is such a great support.

  • Hi, Welcome

    Those are some great benefits to be feeling and for your air to be be noticeably lasting longer too, excellent :)

    The arguments you'll have with yourself re wanting/not wanting to smoke are pretty normal and all part of the process. Just try to avoid heated arguments with close friends and family, their support is much better ;)

    Keep your eye on the light through the trees, it brightens and dims with the days but you do get steadily closer to it daily.

    All the best with week 2. Keep yourself aware and reading and of course, winning the arguments with yourself for not smoking.

    All the best

    Pol

  • Oh I know ALL about taste buds coming alive!! One of the best side effects of quitting in my opinion..... I never cared about food really before my quit, just ate because I had to..... now, I love food! Sadly it doesn't help the weight, so to balance that out.... exercise.... works for me ;)

    Where do you dive?

  • Yes same here, I've always enjoyed food but now it tastes so much better! The biggest thing I have noticed is my sense of smell coming back! Even the normal smells which were always there and I never knew existed.

    It's so nice to focus on the nice effects of quitting smoking. It can be all to easy to feel miserable about the negative effects but it helps to remember that these are all temporary. The improvements are going to keep on getting better each day! Even the internal arguments will become easier to win I am sure of it :D

    Keep going everyone! Your all doing so well! x

  • Hi sylvia

    day 8 now

    A big mind game this quit thing surely is..its like half your head is fighting the other half & it becomes exhausting .

    .You are most definetely not alone ....A ray of huge hope for you is that is honestly does get easier & them terrible games in your head become much easier to cope with ..Im not gonna lie I still crave at this stage & want one at times ....The difference is I am used it now & I am getting better at playing it :) & you will too......Then one day you will post to me & say you know what kitkat ,you was so right ..:)

    keep going & well done to yer xxx

  • Welcome to the forum and well done for quitting :D

    I know all about mind games Sylvia but you haven't been sectioned yet so there is still hope lol. All that crazy mind stuff will go quickerv than you think. Just concentrate on one day at a time, much easier that way. Good luck and keep posting.

  • Thank you everyone for the support and all of your comments... it's amazing how much we can all help each other!

    I am on day 9 now! Really excited about not smoking still!

    My thoughts today are really more or less just about why I ever had that first cigarette to begin with... and why on earth it took me 19 years to realise it was such a bad mistake! I will always remember that first cigarette that was given to me... when I was smoking it a friend of mine came up to me (who was a smoker) and said to me (noticing that it was my first smoke he'd seen me with)..."If you smoke that cigarette, you will regret it for the rest of your life..." Imagine if I would have taken his words to heart at the time... I wouldn't have 19 years of smokey lungs to recover from now...

    I can only pray I stay this strong throughout my quit and that I'm not jinxing it by talking so much about my feelings...

    All of your posts have really helped, thanks again!

    Sylvia

  • It's great to meet you Mark!

    It's so good to know that you're out there and we're on or around the same timeline!

    I've been having more smoking thoughts today than any other day so far... something in my head is telling me to just have one.... I'm resisting as well... let's all stay on track together... I've just re-read some of the book - - hoping to get the info a bit more engraved in the mind! Mind over Matter - that's my moto for today!

    Sylvia.

  • You're doing great, Sylvia, you have a great attitude and that's half the battle. Keep it up! The chatter in your brain is the nicodemon.... how we like to refer to him..... he sends those thoughts of smoking..... as long as you say no, he'll start to fade more and more..... so don't feed him! It gets easier saying no each time you resist!

  • This thread sounds familiar to me. Don't give up Sylvia, you are doing great. If it's any consolation, my first 15-16 days of my quit were absolute torture some days. But the feelings pass and you will feel better for quitting afterwards.

    Good luck!

  • Thanks everyone for your posts!

    For me... it is getting a bit harder wanting to stay quit as the days go on... I guess I'm at the point where I have to keep reminding myself why I quit... my main reasons for quitting are probably very similar to everyone else's, but I believe we probably all have that one little tiny reason in the back of our minds that helps us stay quit for good....

    The motto "One Day at a Time" now makes sense to me!

    Keep on going everyone - Positive Attitude is what makes the difference!!!

  • Hi Sylvia

    It's reassuring to know I'm not the only person going though the "schizo-like" thought processes of quiting. My cessation nurse keeps reminding me, "remember Andrew, your mind will play tricks on you, anything to get you smoking again".

    Watch for a false sense of security, stay one step ahead of your mind and keep reminding yourself if you start smoking again you have to endure the pain again of quitting from the beginning. Not a pleasant thought. That's my mantra.

    You said you had more time on your hands now you stopped smoking. Think about it...You have exactly the same amount of time on your hands as you had when you smoked. Not sure about you but looking back at my smoking habbit, I smoked as an accompaniment to what I was doing. The smoke-monster went everywhere with me. I didn't put time aside to smoke ever, I just smoked when I could.

    At least you can't smoke underwater :D

    I'm right there with ya in mind. You can do this.

    Andrew

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