No Smoking Day
2,630 members31,354 posts

Morning to you all

Well it has been a long weekend and very close to buying some fags but i resisted and went out and about.

Im trying to keep myself busy as daughter staying at her b/f all weekend so its been a hard one but i no i will get there in the end.

I have been busy sorting all mybedroom i now have a summer walldrobe and a winter walldrobe.

I have heard from x he e mails and phone calls hes gutted at our break up but states thats if he was to come back i have a lot of barriers to drop in every way.i said well you stay were you are 150 miles away and see what happenes hes now found some work back in london and im in Lincolnshire.I do feel its hard cause it is me that has to change to please him in everyway not him trying to change.He said when he sees me changing then he will .... who nos xxx

11 Replies

Hi Kay,

Glad to hear you have not bought any fags & resisted the urge to have one. B***dy well done you I say.

Cool, you have all the wardrobes to yourself now :eek::D

Sorry that was meant as a joke but maybe misplaced right now :rolleyes:

I feel I have to say your ex is being rather selfish. How comes it's you that has to do all the changing? Nobody is perfect so I am sure there are somethings you would wish him to change??? Maybe be better he is 150 miles away if that is his attitude? Sorry, if I speak out of turn. Tell me to s*d off ok.

You keep strong you hear xxxxxx


Yes hun he has lots to change

Never takes me out, never does anything with me,allways on x box, never goes shopping with me, never tapes me on the back to say well done when i do anything good,

Oh yes there are lots of things i can keep going his answer to all this is...

When i start being the person i used to be loving,no barriers, very intermite lol cant spell it ,and stop nagging and moaning at him then he said he will change. :rolleyes:


Feel a bit mad at your oh:(

think he needs to look at his own behaviour and responses.

but Kay- so proud you didnt smoke . That is real test -and you did it. You are a strong lady. :):)

also -oh is in contact although saying totally wrong things. communication at least.

stay strong Kay-and if you can bear to- keep talking.



Well Kay, to be honest if that's his attitude towards you would you really want him back? Talk about one sided. Again, I don't want to overstep the mark here as I don't know you or OH but if you where my friend, thats what I would say xxxxxxxxxxxx

Oh & even more reason to not smoke me thinks :D xxx


Hey Kay,

Like everyone else I'm really pleased that you didn't smoke over this period. That must be a fantastic self affirming experience in its self :)

No surprise that I also agree that your OH is being selfish in his behaviour stating that you have to make all the changes. The positive to draw from is that he is contacting you whether by phone or email and obviously still cares about you. If you deep down care for him too then why not got to Relate or some other sort of couples counselling facility. Who knows, it could lead to a deeper, stronger more fulfilling relationship. Just a thought :/

Well done, again, on staying off the smokes :)



Kay every relationship should work on a 50/50 basis , and it certainly doesnt seem to be the way in yours. How can he say that you have to change when all he does is sit around and smoke, do you work ?

You deserve better Kay, but as Cav said if he really lights your fire then he has to meet you half way.

Do hope it sorts out for you.

Dee xx


Hi Kay hun

Yes hes gutted now cos he knows where is bread is buttered. You tell him to stay there a bit longer give himself time to think chick. You look after yourself stay smoke free so you have lots of money to fill the wardrobes:D:D

Sooooooooooooooooo bloody proud of you hun not buying fags your a star these feelings will pass its just old nic trying to get you back in his grip.xxxxxx


Keep going Kay please, you've done so well, have admired the way you've tackled all the smoking/eating etc etc issues.

Hope I'm not out of place but it strikes me that this is just an excuse from him, other things in the relationship are "off" and sadly at the moment this is your achilles heel, cos no doubt in the past you had a fag each time you wanted to tell him to get it together, now you tell him to get it together. Also remember a a story from whyquit about a toothpaste lid and for 20 years it had royally pee'd someone off and after they quit they were tetchy enough to say something, the problem was always there, the quit just made them say it.

Keep on keeping on and onwards and upwards.



I agree with all the replies to you Kay:D....just wanted to say to take your time and enjoy your own company for a might be surprised at the end result;)personally I dont think he deserves you;)


Argh.....relationships lol. I think we all have room to grow and learn in a relationship and yes sometimes we need to look at the way we are and character defects in order to ease our resentments and fears but 'having to change'...well if someone says to me that i need to change in order for me to be with them my instant response would be theres the door see you later but thats just me. I have tried to get people to change and people have tried to change me but theres a word for that, control which is a form of self seeking and self dishonesty.

If you are happy with who you are then you will attract someone who loves you for who you are too. Remember that.


hi kay

...seems like your having a terrible time lately..You should feel brilliant at the way your continuing your quit despite whats going on.....Keep on fighting, youve done so much & later this year you will have done a whole 1 sure your not gonna give that away too easy

thinking of you :)


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