Ive been betrayed ! HELP

So to cut a long story short, me and my partner smoked 25 cigarettes each a day and we both quit cold turkey back when I was 19 weeks pregnant so its almost 3 months since quitting.

Anyway I woke up to find him missing in our bed and crept downstairs thinking he was 'relieving' himself after morning glory to actually find him coming in from outside shaking and looking guilty.

I just knew what he had done as he started sipping away fast at some coke cola so I knew he was trying to hide the fact he had smoked!

He said it was only 3 drags on a butt end he found and he only thought about having one when he saw it, he hadnt planned it or anything.

So if anything Im more dissapointed in him and feel betrayed rather than angry and I have begged him not to start again for me, the baby and himself. I dont think he will as he made it this far and he recieved some bad news yesterday which is the main reason I think he caved.

Im wondering though if he will now feel the withdrawal symptoms of quitting again after the 3 drags or because it wasnt a whole cigarette he will be fine I have no idea???

Im pissed with him but feel more let down than anything and just pray that he wont have withrdawel symptoms again now because he fed himself 'the drug nicotine' because otherwise Im in for a crappy 4 days now and he is so at risk of starting again.

HELP please

6 Replies

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  • Hi Princess I am gutted for you and I don’t really know what to say, I so hope OH has just as you say had a slight blip and did only take three puffs, if so I doubt he will suffer major probs from that but don’t honestly know.

    I hope it doesn’t have a detrimental effect on your massively brilliant quit, and that he can manage for yours and the babies sakes stay smoke free.

    Keep contact with the forum and let us know how you are doing, you are about full term aren’t you, wow a new baby and coming to a smoke free home is brilliant take care of yourself.

  • Hi princess i really feel for you right now.. i can only say from my own experience i had 2 drags on a cig when i was at day 21 it didnt make me return to smoking at that time but being honest with you it happened again 53 days later but still then ive not gone back to smoking cos its not what i want i to be free.. so hopefully he does to and a couple of drags doesnt mean to say it will put him back on the fags..xx

  • I suffer from terrible jealousy because my wife stopped her quit after 2 months and is still smoking happily away today, I have been quit 6 months because I choose to do so, your partner may also chose to smoke sadly there is not much you can do about it, you will feel betrayed because your addiction is begging you to light up with him, resist that because YOU are doing so well, 3 drags is a blip and probably wont have him back on 20 a day but if thats what he chooses to do make sure that you dont choose to join him..

  • Any new nicotine risks igniting the craving for more (see stupid jude post) .Slips can be part and parcel, and they do happen, but they are very dangerous.

    It can be pulled, back though. It must be so hard when you and your partner both smoke, if one of you starts again...I'm lucky mine doesn't and never has.

  • I suffer from terrible jealousy because my wife stopped her quit after 2 months and is still smoking happily away today, I have been quit 6 months because I choose to do so, your partner may also chose to smoke sadly there is not much you can do about it, you will feel betrayed because your addiction is begging you to light up with him, resist that because YOU are doing so well, 3 drags is a blip and probably wont have him back on 20 a day but if thats what he chooses to do make sure that you dont choose to join him..

    What a brilliant post, I do so feel for anyone trying to quit with a partner that chooses not to give up or who starts smoking again, I like Jude am very lucky that OH hasn’t ever smoked, well he has but only in my dreams which is weird as I don’t dream I am smoking only that I am rolling them and he has now recently started to smoke them, I hate him with a vengeance when I wake up and it is so real grrrrrr feel like smothering him with the pillows LOL

  • Thanks for your replies everyone, he has been ok throughout today so hopefully just a blip with no going back to them.

    It was 3 drags only and I know the butt end he was on about (I meant to bin it at the start of the quit) it deffinatly wasnt a whole fag so I have everything crossed that he feels no withdrawel symptoms and that it was a small enough amount for him not to revert to smoking.

    He's promised me he isnt starting again and he doesnt even know why he did it and that he does feel guilty so hopefuly that, with the only 3 drags, he will stick to the quit!

    Thanks again everyone :)

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