I failed!!

I have failed myself. I had a HORRIBLE night last night. I grabbed my husbands pack of cigs and smoked 3 or 4. I cant remember exactly, of course DRINKING ALCOHOL was a major factor. I Dont want to say im at day 1 again??? But dont deserve to say this is day 46 either. I am so disappointed with myself and with my husband for not trying to talk me out of it....:confused:

A part of me feels like "ok I failed, might as well start up again" but then I feel like I slipped "now get back up and keep going"! ALL MY HARD WORK OUT THE WINDOW ((tears rolling))

I HATE MYSELF RIGHT NOW!!!!

26 Replies

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  • Are you smoking now? You haven't necessarily failed just had a blip, it's how you choose to look at it now. Carry on with you quit or go back to being controlled by cigarettes?

    Good luck.

  • I have failed myself. I had a HORRIBLE night last night. I grabbed my husbands pack of cigs and smoked 3 or 4. I cant remember exactly, of course DRINKING ALCOHOL was a major factor. I Dont want to say im at day 1 again??? But dont deserve to say this is day 46 either. I am so disappointed with myself and with my husband for not trying to talk me out of it....:confused:

    A part of me feels like "ok I failed, might as well start up again" but then I feel like I slipped "now get back up and keep going"! ALL MY HARD WORK OUT THE WINDOW ((tears rolling))

    I HATE MYSELF RIGHT NOW!!!!

    Hi ZaNaDo0

    Sorry you blipped but dont feel too bad, pick yourself up and get back to the quit you were doing brilliantly with. come on chin up treat it as a lesson to yourself and i bet this will make you stronger and more determind to quit. Dont hate yourself be proud you have got this far and you are going to continue to quit

    :)

  • No I havent smoked today, it is only 8:33am here. I dont want to smoke, I really dont.... I am so angry with myself for giving in...I am really going through a rough patch in my life right now. Did the cigarettes change anything? NO just added onto my problems...I feel lost.

  • No I havent smoked today, it is only 8:33am here. I dont want to smoke, I really dont.... I am so angry with myself for giving in...I am really going through a rough patch in my life right now. Did the cigarettes change anything? NO just added onto my problems...I feel lost.

    Well done, that's exactly right, they don't change anything as I discovered when I blipped. Don't beat yourself up. You are not lost you are here with people who understand.

  • Hi ZaNaDoO

    The fact that you have posted on here is a positive - you could have smoked and not told anyone! Clearly you want to do this and we want to help. Treat this as a glitch and focus on what you have to do and start doing it.

    Come on lady you know you can :)

  • Not failed....

    Hey ZaN.....

    Sooo sorry to hear you had a rough night, but as far as the smoking goes, you've not failed and many people here have blips that reinforce their quits. You're not smoking now and you don't want to right?

    Being disappointed is understandable, but don't be too hard on yourself and keep looking forward.

    Later...

  • You guys are making feel better. Honestly I wasnt going to post on here any longer, was almost too ashamed of myself. Feeling like a hipocrit (think thats how you spell it):o Im glad that i did. You guys are almost like family to me now. Ok im getting mushy, I better stop.

    Ok Guys here I Come, wagon is rolling Im running beside it, JUMP!!! Ok Im in...Now lock me down!. Im staying for the ride.....

  • You guys are making feel better. Honestly I wasnt going to post on here any longer, was almost too ashamed of myself. Feeling like a hipocrit (think thats how you spell it):o Im glad that i did. You guys are almost like family to me now. Ok im getting mushy, I better stop.

    Ok Guys here I Come, wagon is rolling Im running beside it, JUMP!!! Ok Im in...Now lock me down!. Im staying for the ride.....

    Welcome back enjoy the ride gonna be a bumpy one dig your spurs in and hang on :)

  • Hiya,

    Whatever you do, don't feel ashamed. So many of us, me included have been where you are now. What's important is that you carry on with your quit, don't beat yourself up, learn from it. Deep breath in, shoulders back, onwards & upwards ;)

    I KNOW you can do this & am with you every step of the way as I am sure many others are. Just look at all the replies you have got to tell you that no one judges here, we all just want to succeed & help each other along the way no matter what.

    BIG SMILES NOW YOU HEAR :D:D:D

    Gaynor x

  • The bad news is I have had a blip - if you make me go back to day 1 I am leaving!!!! Had a row with OH. Had I been at home I don't think I would have done it but because I was out - giving him a lift somewhere - I went to the shop.

    The good news is I didn't enjoy it, realised it was not helping in the slightest and broke the rest of the packet up and put it in the bin. What a wast of £3.

    I kind of think it probably had to happen because I have had a difficult quite and in a way I am glad it did because I really know now that I am doing the right thing by stopping whereas I think I had a sneaky suspicion before that I was missing something.

    This was my post on 22 March and yet if you see my post from today you will see I am finding it quite easy now, possibly in part as a result of the blip.

    Chin up and move forward. :D

  • Lots of HUGS to all you guys for seeingme though this. Your re right. I dont need to HATE myself for this and I will work on not being so upset about it. Wow I didnt realise how many of you have been through the same thing. It makes me feel so much better to know that im not alone and you all are here with me waiting with open arms....

    Cando-I look up to u as the rest for your strength and determination.

    Gaynor- When I got here u were the 1st person I looked for:o Thank You for

    inspiring me!!

    Bradders- :)(lol) "My TEXAS Spurs Are a' diggin deep" Thanks 4 makn me smile.

    Steph & Alek-Thanks for helping me c that i shouldnt beat myself up over this. I really get strength from you all of you in this quit.

    Thanks So much!!!!

  • YAY back on the wagon! ;)

    It can happen to anyone luckily this has to be the best place for support.

  • It's like being on a diet - you wouldn't stop losing weight by having one bar of chocolate, and you won't fail your quit by having on cigarette!!

    Remember what you felt like and how you don't want to feel like that again, then put it behind you and carry on being strong - you can do it:D

  • Slap slap slap, right thats all said.

    Congratulations for your 46 days and glad you are strong now in your quit xxx

    4383

    I HOPE YOU RECIEVE THIS IN THE FUN WAY I SENT IT

  • awh zanadoo ..sorry missed this post xx

    really feel for you i do.......what did you do again :) carry on with quit regardless & that takes lots of courage xxx ure doing so well babe ...day 47 tomorrow xxxxxxxxxx :)

  • Good on you for getting straight back on it, don't give yourself a hard time- there's no worth in that. Look at what happened and learn from it, turn it into something that boosts your resolve- onward and upward

    Pols xxx

  • Hey it's a blip and if nothing else it's made you realise that the ciggies didn't make the situation any better so dust off the guilt and carry on where you left off. It's only a failure if you kept smoking.

    Think someone else said it's like a diet - one bar of chocolate on one day won't make you fat, it's the one bar (or three) every day that will make you fat! Same with ciggies - a few ciggies doesn't make you a smoker.

    Welcome back on the wagon :-)

  • :mad:HEY GUYS! Guess what? Im smoking again. Yeah I know. Im going to be honest with you all and maybe you can understand. Ok, I usually dont share my personal life with many but here we go. What the hell right... So. Its 5pm yesterday. Im waiting outside for my husband to pick me up after work. Mind you he is aware I get off at 5pm. He has my car. I wait till 7pm, my children were at daycar til 6pm! Dad is to get them at 4pm DAILY!! Well dad never showed up to pick up me or the children. I had to call my mom to pick me and the kids up. My GREAT HUSBAND (((my teeth clinched and grinding))) decided he was goning to pack up MY car with HIS stuff and leave me. Yeah can you believe this. Just like that. Well, short story I found my car, he can kiss my A** . I will be just fine without him. I will take care of my 3 children and carry on without that COWARD!! I will quit again! I promise myself, but right now I dont think I want to. I do want to stay in contact with you all on this forum if thats ok.......:confused:

  • Omg

    Just sent you a pm mate. xx

    All that after what you said the other day. Shocked.

    xx

  • Hi my darling,

    I am So sorry to hear about this. Not the quit, your hubby. Bless you hun. The quit can wait till you are ready & we will still be here, anytime, quit or not, ok?

    Maybe when things have settled down you can both talk about this?

    Big hugs & loads of love, Gaynor xxx

  • Aww. Thank you . I really dont have friends. Have been married for 10 yrs and really didnt do anything. He was my best friend, my only friend.. But I fell IN LOVE with this sight. I found friends! Secret friends.ssshhh!lol Trying to keep my humor alive..

  • Plenty of friends......

    ..........on here. You keep strong, and stay in touch. When you've got over all your other shit and want to quit again, which I know you will one day, we'll still be here for support.

    xxx

  • yep thats a fail :D

    oh well back to day 1 and start again.

    good luck

  • Aww. Thank you . I really dont have friends. Have been married for 10 yrs and really didnt do anything. He was my best friend, my only friend.. But I fell IN LOVE with this sight. I found friends! Secret friends.ssshhh!lol Trying to keep my humor alive..

    OMG what a couple of days you have had my lovely..

    Please do not ever forget you are a wonderful strong person with or without any man...you can get through this and people in this world are on the whole good and nice.

    Friends on the site, will lead to friends in the real world too and you just may look back and realise this was the turning point in your life...keep your head up and a smile the bumpy ride still applies my lovely.

    onwards and upwards...things can only get better right?? and this will be your better...

    Good luck

    xx

    PS...did you get the car back???? :D

  • Yes I did get my car back. It was later that night but I got it. He is moving in with his brother which is fine with me. I think its better this way right now. I am sad but at the same time feeling a little relieved (wierd) and a little excited (more wierd) I am going to focus on the kids and I am going back to school to start up where I left off whn I met him at 18 yrs old. I will also take courses online as well. I almost felt like 28 was too late to go back to school but then I look at my Grandmother who just recived her Masters and Doctrin degree at 68 years of age. WOW. She really inspires me. So yea, full of mixed emotions at this point. I guess this is long enough...lol...

    Hope you are doing well. Talk to ya soon. xoxoxo

  • awh babe it isnt the end of the world zanadoo you will get back on ure quit wen ure ready too xx at least if nothing else uve made lots of mates on here & u know deep down that you will quit sometime soonxxxx keep posting on here ..im sure a lot of people will miss you...xx then wen ure ready well be waiting in day 1 for you xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx good luck...i know the feeling too well xxxx:)

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