""help""

:( I NEED help i am so close to going to buy 10 fags,im so so down o/h annonced yesterday he is leaveing me he said he has had enough of me being confrontantional (lol cant spell it) and opionating (lol cant spell it) so as you can imagine 10 years down the drain all i can say is thank go we havent got kids together.I havent slept at all and all i keep doing is crying,we have been having problems for a whilenow but he puts it down to me packing up smoking i think.As he still smokes he said i resent him for that

any advice would be great,im hurting big time i just feel like runing away

xxxxx

19 Replies

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  • Hi Kay.

    My heart goes out to you. What can I say? I know that you will get a lot of love and support from this forum. as a recent slippee I can tell you that smoking again didn't make me feel any better. Please keep posting and asking for support during this difficult time.

    God bless.

  • Morning Kay, god so sorry you seem to be having the worse time ever. don't know what to say really, only that having a fag will not help the situation, but you already know that.

    I have to rush off now to take the kids to school, please don't do anything till I get back, I will only be gone about half hour.

    Loads of people are here to help, sending you a huge hug, and my love.

  • Yea a smoke won't help ya, it will just make ya feel worse that you've smoked after so much time. Take a deep breathe and figure out what you want. Take the steps to approach the situation in the right manner and do your best. Smoking will not help.

  • :( I NEED help i am so close to going to buy 10 fags,im so so down o/h annonced yesterday he is leaveing me he said he has had enough of me being confrontantional (lol cant spell it) and opionating (lol cant spell it) so as you can imagine 10 years down the drain all i can say is thank go we havent got kids together.I havent slept at all and all i keep doing is crying,we have been having problems for a whilenow but he puts it down to me packing up smoking i think.As he still smokes he said i resent him for that

    any advice would be great,im hurting big time i just feel like runing away

    xxxxx

    Kay sweetheart your OH has been like this for 5 months now and never given you any support.

    Your strength in changing your life is awesome and for him to blame your quit is awful. Sorry darling but you are worth so much more than that.

    Believe me, and I know, you will get through this and you will go on to have a much better life without him. You are a strong and amazing lady and he is lucky to have you...if he does not realsie that then that is his problem.

    Please feel free to Pm me Hun....I have been there with a bully like that and so understnd what you are goin through.

    Huge hugs to you...head up and do not let anyone bring you down.

    xx

  • :( I NEED help i am so close to going to buy 10 fags,im so so down o/h annonced yesterday he is leaveing me he said he has had enough of me being confrontantional (lol cant spell it) and opionating (lol cant spell it) so as you can imagine 10 years down the drain all i can say is thank go we havent got kids together.I havent slept at all and all i keep doing is crying,we have been having problems for a whilenow but he puts it down to me packing up smoking i think.As he still smokes he said i resent him for that

    any advice would be great,im hurting big time i just feel like runing away

    xxxxx

    Hi Kay

    Sorry your felling this sh1t, must be difficult and my heart goes out to you, I am probably not the best person to give advise so forgive me if i come across wrongly. Kay do you think your confrontational or opininated ? or is the fact that things are different now because you have given up and he is smoking, Huge changes have happened in both your lives since you quit, it might seem to him your different because you probably dont do the same things as before like relaxing together watching tv having a fag, going out together and smoking, i dont know Kay do you resent he still smokes ? think you may come across to him differently now because he still has his old habit where as you dont now.. I really hope you both can sort things out between you and i am sure you will. sorry Kay dont know what else to say really ..useless i know but hope you are ok ..:)

  • Poor Darlin,

    How pants... what a horrid situation, and he doesn't sound like he deserves you at all!!!

    Smoking wont help though lovely.... you'll have them and then be upset with your man... and then have feelings of apathy due to losing your quit too.... i've been there.... its not fun.

    Can you try something like St Johns Wort, 5HTP or one of those... theres also the Bach Rescue Remedy, which is avail at health shops and may give you a lift.... screaming into a cushion is a helpful winner too.

    keep posting honey, we're all here for you!!!!!

    Your not on your own!!

    xxxxx

  • Hi Kay so sad that you are having such a rough time. You know that smoking wont make you feel any better but there is an illusion floating around that it will make things better, hope you have got close friends who you can talk to about what is happening in your life at the moment.

    Keep posting

    Louise

  • Hi Kay.

    Sorry to hear what you are going through. I know it's hard and you feel like shit at the moment, but hang on in there.

    I have just gone through a stressfull 3 weeks with a death in the family, 2 family crisis and problems at work!!!!:eek::eek: Believe me I want to pull my hair out and desperatly want a smoke, but like you, we have gone too long without one to start again.:)

    I know this might sound heartless to you at the moment and maybe you don't want to hear this, but please bear with this as at the moment and ride it out and things will be better.

    Please pm me if you want to talk.

    Take care and speak soon.

    JU xxx

  • Hi just back from school run, took longer than expected.

    I see that you are not logged on right now, hopefully you are taking the deep breaths as recommended, there seems to be lots of posts from people who know you better than I, please lean on them to get you through.

    If you do smoke please, don't worry about it, we are all here to help and support you.

  • Hi Kay

    Don't let him drive you back to smoking. I appreciate your hurting right now but for him to blame your quitting for him leaving is a cheap low shot. He's looking for excuses, please try not to take them to heart.

    You hang strong and continue to show yourself and him, what strength you have.

    Do PM Lorna as she suggests if you feel you can. Go back to taking things hour by hour / day by day.

    It's tough but you really can get through this.

    Strength to you

    Pol xx

  • Hi, I can only echo what the others have said but wish to register my support. Smoking wont bring him back. It'll just end up making you feel worse. Try and take a step back and go with this. I am truly sorry you are hurting at this time xxxxx

  • Hi Kay,

    I bought a 10 pack last night and got very close to throw my efforts away, but I didn't. Not because fear of failure or fear of having to do it all again, but because I KNOW that sometimes, life is sh*t, it has nothing to do with the quit and smoking again would bring nothing but more negative feelings like a sense of guilt, shame and failure, which in turn would make us feel even worse, and that's not what we need right now, is it?

    I'm going through a sh*t of a time myself and I have never felt so little in control of my own life, but smoking or not smoking, that I can control.

    People will tell you how bad your OH was and how belittling he seemed to be to you, they will tell you it will get better and you will feel whole again. But right now your heart is broken into pieces, you hurt and you're scared and nothing people will say will change that. What I will say is that suddenly you will start seeing people around you who care, genuinely, people who will make you smile and cheer you up and slowly you will heal.

    I am confrontational, I stand up for myself, I say what I believe in, I am not afraid to disagree, not for its own sake but when I er... disagree. Opiniated is a nice thing control freaks and other men scared of independent thinking women come up with, they don't like women who have opinions! and if you are to the point where you always contradict others, ok, not as much as a quality, but so what?? I know nobody on this planet who hasn't got "faults".

    I know how much you are hurting but there are some fantastic people out there, something I have been discovering over the past few weeks, you are not alone, you are strong and you should be incredibly proud of yourself.

    xx

  • Oh Kay hunni, I hope your OK, I really do.

    Your OH hasn't been supportive of you at all through this quit has he? You have done fabulous though and yiu are one tough cookie.

    Gees I hope your OK

    Tinks :)

  • Kay

    So so sorry to read what an awful time you are having, do hope you feel better soon my love and things sort out for you in whatever way your heart tells you.

    Stay strong, you are a lovely lady.

    Dee xxxxxxx

  • Kay I'm so sorry things have taken a turn for the worse, but to mirror everyone else, smoking will not make it any better. Perhaps your OH does feel threatened by the strength you've shown in packing up the fags. What you have achieved is fantastic, don't let this take that achievement away from you, it'll only make you think worse about him cos you'll blame him for making you smoke again.

    I hope the days events have got better for you, stay strong,

    Lorraine

  • Hi Babe

    Normally before I post on someone’s thread I read all the other posts, but on this occasion I am not going to because this is so close to my split with husband it is scary.

    I gave up smoking and felt great for it but after 8 months of quitting my Husband started to be nasty and kept telling me it was my fault and due to me stopping smoking I was horrid to live with he said (yes he still smoked) So this went on and on and at 11 months quit he finally left me I was devastated.

    I couldn’t cope spent every Day feeling useless and unwanted so in the end I did the only thing I could I went and brought baccy etc and started smoking again.

    Ok you say what else could I do, husband leaves and my nerves are frazzled and the ciggies will help.

    No they didn’t within a week I was back where I had started I stunk I wheezed I couldn’t run again and to add to that I found he had been seeing someone else for 2 whole years and I broke my quit for that wan*** so DO NOT LET THIS MAKE YOU SMOKE AGAIN you are better than that and i promise it does not make it better, but staying quit makes you better in every single way, And I shouldn’t say this but you are better than him.

    Stay quit and sweet smelling PLEASE pm if you want to talk

    this is a ps it has taken me another 20 years to finally do another quit and nothing will make me smoke again

  • Hi Kay

    I dont know why I came on here tonight but glad I did. i really hope you have not lost your quit hunny. But he has not supported you from the start so please dont give up all that hard work hunny your worth more than that. Just think of you daughter she would be so upset babe. i may be wrong but he maybe using you as an excuse to leave and smoking will not change anything. i feel so sad for you hun but you come across as a very lovely person so think of yourself everything happens for a reason. please dont smoke hun you have worked to hard for this quit.xxxxx

  • Kay,

    Daft question I know, but how you coping?:)

    xx

  • Just thought I would pop in here tonight to see how everyone is getting on and I am soooo sorry to see your post.

    I hope you didnt buy those cigs. I hope you are coping ok.

    My thoughts with you at this horrible time.

    (((((hugs)))))

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