Worlds most unsupportive boyfriend??!

Aaaaaaaaaaaargggggggggh

Please give me some strength :)

My other half has never smoked and is undoubtedly the greatest anti smoking evangelist.

He doesnt have the first idea of this journey and my patience is running low.

All i want is a little bit of TLC and encouragment but all i get is a well done babe if I bring it up but he would never raise it

How do I get him to understand the enormity of what we all on here are trying to achieve???

11 Replies

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  • Sorry Hun, but unless you go through you cant understand it...

    We are here and we do understand...

    hug xx

  • know how you feel

    know just how you feel.. my hubby still smokes and i feel he dosent give two hoots really i get sympethectic oohs and ahs .. just feel like giving him a good slap today.. infact feel like giving everyone a good slap

  • Its A Lonely road

    Hi newstart,

    I am sorry your OH is so lack-lustre in his support of you, but i am afraid that you should just accept his lack of enthusiasm. He has never smoked and therefore will NEVER be able to empathise with your suffering. My advice is, dont even try to get him to understand. there is no point and is a total waste of energy. You need all your strength to fight this yourself, you are doing it for you. Just keep posting and reading here, it has really helped me. i am an experienced quitter (in treble figures!) and find that genuine sympathy from non-smokers is minimal and from smokers even less. Non-smokers simply dont get it and smokers treat you like a traitor , even though they dont mean to! It can feel like being marrooned on a desert island at times. but you are not alone!!! We are in the same boat and you must use the help that is available. Lets face it, help for alcoholics and drug addicts (harder drugs) is out there AA, NA etc. But we are doing it pretty much on our own.

    Thats why i have failed so often.

    You could sign up with a local smoking cessation group who meet once a week and stop at the same time. This helped me in my last quit but i cracked after this group finished. I have learnt over a long time of trying to quit that inner strength, unshakeable self-belief and smiling in the face of stressful situations are the weapons needed for beating this habit. Never doubt your decision to quit!!

    Just tell your boyfriend to show a bit more TLC while you are going through this, but dont try to explain too much, he will end up saying something really quit-breaking like - it cant be that hard!! Or worse, you were much nicer when you smoked. Not true, of course!! Just dont go there, he is guaranteed to be unwittingly insensitive and have you reaching for the fags. Then you will blame him and the cycle continues.

    Keep going!!!

    Rachel x

  • Aaaaaaaaaaaargggggggggh

    Please give me some strength :)

    My other half has never smoked and is undoubtedly the greatest anti smoking evangelist.

    He doesnt have the first idea of this journey and my patience is running low.

    All i want is a little bit of TLC and encouragment but all i get is a well done babe if I bring it up but he would never raise it

    How do I get him to understand the enormity of what we all on here are trying to achieve???

    Hi Newstart :)

    I'm sorry to have to say this but as your OH has never smoked he will never understand what this is like for you

    I don't think you can even come close to getting him to understand this at all let alone to realise that you need some TLC from time to time

    But we all know that you need it of course and also what it's like for you and we'll do all we can to help OK

    Love

    Marg xx

  • my bfs quite similar in that but i wouldnt say its unsupportive as theres not much else he can do lol.

    I think if he was much better and was like oh you're doing so well, and i know how difficult it must be for you etc id feel patronised and probs take it out on him and get annoyed that hes pretending to know what its like lol

    He cant win! altho i did make him give up playing some game on his pc that he loves so he could support me that way :p only something silly but it helps!

    -Jade xxx

  • Cut the plug off the TV... or life support machine as we like to call it. He might then get an idea. If not hide his car keys so he has to walk places and give his power tools away.

  • This site is here for ya to vent here. Your other half was smart enough never to smoke so don't get on him for that. Just ask him to be understanding that you are going through a tough time anf that you need his support if your going to be able to do it:D. Tell him if he isn't he can get the hell out LOL

  • I'm sure there is one way you could make him understand ... certain things will be craved if made to do without ha ha ha ha!!!! ;)

  • The only way he would ever really understand is if he smoked for a long time himself, don't we all just wish we had never started. If he is at least saying well done he is probably doing the best he can. You could get him to read some of the posts on this site, he will not feel what we do but he might be able to know in the background.

    Well done with your quit, concentrate more on that and we will be very pleased for you every day.

    Jackie

  • The way I try to explain it to non smokers is pretty simplistic, I just say "Imagine if you could never have another drink again starting from now. Ever".

    They look at me in horror.

    Nuff said.

  • Aaaaaaaaaaaargggggggggh

    Please give me some strength :)

    My other half has never smoked and is undoubtedly the greatest anti smoking evangelist.

    He doesnt have the first idea of this journey and my patience is running low.

    All i want is a little bit of TLC and encouragment but all i get is a well done babe if I bring it up but he would never raise it

    How do I get him to understand the enormity of what we all on here are trying to achieve???

    My wife has been 100% behind me stopping smoking but she would only say well done and give me a hug if I spoke about it. I asked her why she never brought it up and she said she did not like to in case it made me think about smoking. I must add my wife is totally anti smoking and has never smoked, the only reason she never spoke about it is because she did not want me thinking about it.

    You may have the same situation, if you think it's possible ask him. When I mentioned this to my wife and she told me what she doing I told her to bring it up anytime and now she will speak about it openly.

    Just a thought because I could be wrong.

    Jack

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