Help - how do I deal with my smoking OH???

Hi all

Day 12… not feeling too awful, although tetchier than I was in week 1, weirdly…. I suppose the novelty value is beginning to wear off!

I could really do with some advice on how to deal with my (smoking) other half. We started the quit together but he had a ‘blip’ (well, two blips) on day 2, then folded completely on day 4. He said it’s not the right time for him, and I have to respect that, but I feel kinda let down by him as this was a promise we made to each other – am probably being unreasonable, but that’s how it feels. I think he feels bad about it as he has not been very supportive (thank the lord for you lot! :D) – he tends to be like that when he feels he’s in the wrong!

There’s quite a bit of history to this – there have been at least three occasions where we’ve quit and he’s started again. In fairness, so did I, in time, but I wonder if it would have been different if he hadn’t started? I know it’s my decision, but I found it hard to be around him smoking and drinking, and the latter eventually led to the former.

It’s getting to the point now where it’s difficult to believe him when he says he wants to, as he doesn’t seem to prepare himself for it, so I don’t really feel that he means it. He’s decided to take the ‘cutting down’ route for now – fine, as he does seem able to cope like that, and only smokes about 5 a day. He has been good about not smoking around me so far, but I’m not sure how long this will last. He has also been quite pointed about how it was more important for me to give up than him, as he is naturally a light smoker, whereas I was a very heavy smoker.

Last Friday, at the end of my first week, I wanted to celebrate in any other way than the pub – but we ended up at the pub cos he wanted to go. Have to admit, I did find this unsupportive, but maybe I’m not thinking too clearly at the moment…

How can I make sure I succeed going out with a smoker?? Help!

Thanks for listening, over and out….

Lottie x

8 Replies

  • lottiexx

    hi lottie well done on your quit you have come so farxx dont be too hard on your o/h he is not ready to quit but you are when he says he wants to quit then fails its because hes finding it harder .. not because he lied to youor anything in his mind he so wants to quit but hes finding it hard at the moment .. but dont let what he has blipped over stop you from succeeding . my hubby smokes rollies thats fine by me but he wont smoke in the same room as me wont smoke in the car while im in there.. this is your quit cherish it ..... he will be there to support you you are strong lottie you have come so far and worked so hard to become fag free ...


  • Hi Lottie

    Firstly well done you for getting into week 2. Week2 was awful for me and I promise it really does get better with time.

    We have to quit for ourselves not anyone else so concentrate on your quit. My OH did not stop when I did and I did quite enjoy feeling I was doing somehting he could not do...dont tell him though. he gave up 2 weeks later and is still off them although he finds it much harder than I do.

    Stay strong Hun...xx

  • Good for you....

    Lottie, i know for a fact that if i had another half and he was still smoking, there's no way would i not be able to carry on as a non-smoker, so for you to get to day 12 sharing a house with a smoker is absolutely amazing. If you can get that far you can continue, and you never know it may finally shame him into stopping for good!!!

    Keep strong, i need my fellow day 12ers and FabFebers to spur me on as it does seem to be getting harder not easier!! :mad:

    Take care and carry on in the knowledge that even if you're not getting enough support at home, you've got it in bundles on here



  • hang in there

    hi beccy

    hang in there it will get easier i promise (listen to me huh) i am on day 20 now not much but i feel great today didnt yesterday morning cried non stop but the good days are far outweighing the bad ones .. you sound so strong in your replies to people.. you will both get through this and come out the other end feeling so much better,,

    stay strong xxx


  • Hi Lottie,

    You can only offer advice and support to your OH, its up to him! the same as its up to you. This is your quit, your doing it for YOU no one else, your going great guns, now you bloody well hang in there!!!

    Sorry, was that a bit strong:o having a little trouble myself with the OH:rolleyes: bin in a right strop the past few day's?? then i noticed she has not been smoking!! she is on 3 today, so i better keep my head down, fair play she is doing it CT so she is doing well.

    stay strong guys and gals.

    I won't smoke today

  • im getting a bit worried now about week 2 as my bf is a non smoker, im lucky but hes been my biggest support throughout this as hes so keen on me to succeed and has so much faith in me! But he goes back home 2mrw as hes got another year studying before he moves in with me and i currently only see him holidays and some weekends. And hes going home monday and il be half way into week 2

    I can only hope this forum and everyone on it supporting me every day will be enough to keep me off the fags!

  • Hi Lottie

    My OH is still smoking and I doubt if he will give up :(

    However, I do believe I'm doing this for me and actually the smell is making me realise why I'm no longer smoking... I have to say that he's smoking way less already and also leaving the room. I have said I'm going to ban smoking from others coming into the house though. I don't want to have given up and then put up with them all puffing away!

    I gave up drinking years ago and eventually the OH did too so you never know...

    I have opened all the windows when he's been smoking (and it was minus three outside) so he's starting to get the message lol

    Good luck and hang on in there... Like you this forum is my new best friend!

  • Wow!

    God you lot are BRILLIANT! Thanks for the great advice and encouragement, think I was just being a bit of a mardy cow and looking to shift some of the tetchiness elsewhere!

    You are all right (as usual) – it’s my quit, and I’m the one who will benefit. Maybe I let some misplaced enviousness that he is still smoking creep in…? it’s like Allan Carr says – don’t envy smokers, they deserve your pity…

    Lin – I shall not let his struggle get in the way of my success - I shall lead by example, wearing my virtuous (but not smug or complacent) halo!

    Lorna – I shall not tell him I enjoy beating him (but my competitive nature will secretly enjoy it) :)

    Trikeschick – Sounds worse for you than it is for me – we don’t live together, so I can’t imagine how you are putting up with it – darn right you are going to live in a non smoking house, surely that’s one of the major benefits! :confused:

    Jadelina – Don’t worry about week 2, it’s different for everyone, and if you go into it thinking it’ll be awful, it probably will be! Glad you’ve got a supportive bf, keep at it, you’re doing great! (and a PS – can you send a fabfebbers invite to Rachel Mullen?)

    BeccyBoo – Your bundles of support are very much appreciated right now, we’ll soon crack our poxy week2 and be sweeping up in another room before you know it! :D

    Mark – be nice to your girlfriend and come and hide in here if you need to keep your head down! And – I WILL NOT SMOKE TODAY!

    Thanks all – how fantastic that we’re all still here!

    Lottie xx

You may also like...