So I'm on Day 1 and I already had two cigarettes. BUT I'm not going to beat myself up. That's probably 8 cigarettes less than I would have had on a normal day. In the smoking-cessation class I took a few years back, they reminded us that just because you break down doesn't mean you should give up.
Meanwhile, I'm becoming aware of an internal dialogue between myself and the nicotine addiction (which has a very loud, convincing voice at this point). It goes something like this:
Nicotine Monster: "Oh man, I need a smoke."
Me: "No, I actually don't."
Nicotine Monster: "No, this day is way too stressful, I'm going to lose it if I don't have a cigarette."
Me: "Ok, that's totally untrue. Nicotine has no power to get me through this day. It can't make my phone calls for me, or do my laundry, or look for a job. Those are things I have to do BY MYSELF."
Nicotine Monster: "Hey great, you just crossed something off your to-do list. Time to reward yourself with a cigarette."
Me: "Yeah... Some reward. Stinky breath and a scratchy throat. How about a REAL reward, like a long bath?"
Nicotine Monster: "Rarrrr!!! Need cigarette NOW!"
Me: "Um, please shut up."
This has been going back and forth ALL DAY, pretty much every second. Thankfully, because I've quit before, I know that the voice of addiction will get quieter and more infrequent as time passes. I just have to wait it out.
So... on to my long bath and maybe a funny movie. Stay tuned...