Day 1! Inner dialogue

So I'm on Day 1 and I already had two cigarettes. BUT I'm not going to beat myself up. That's probably 8 cigarettes less than I would have had on a normal day. In the smoking-cessation class I took a few years back, they reminded us that just because you break down doesn't mean you should give up.

Meanwhile, I'm becoming aware of an internal dialogue between myself and the nicotine addiction (which has a very loud, convincing voice at this point). It goes something like this:

Nicotine Monster: "Oh man, I need a smoke."

Me: "No, I actually don't."

Nicotine Monster: "No, this day is way too stressful, I'm going to lose it if I don't have a cigarette."

Me: "Ok, that's totally untrue. Nicotine has no power to get me through this day. It can't make my phone calls for me, or do my laundry, or look for a job. Those are things I have to do BY MYSELF."

Nicotine Monster: "Hey great, you just crossed something off your to-do list. Time to reward yourself with a cigarette."

Me: "Yeah... Some reward. Stinky breath and a scratchy throat. How about a REAL reward, like a long bath?"

Nicotine Monster: "Rarrrr!!! Need cigarette NOW!"

Me: "Um, please shut up."

This has been going back and forth ALL DAY, pretty much every second. Thankfully, because I've quit before, I know that the voice of addiction will get quieter and more infrequent as time passes. I just have to wait it out.

So... on to my long bath and maybe a funny movie. Stay tuned...

6 Replies

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  • Another hour

    The bath was great! Cleaned the smoky smell off my skin and hair. More importantly, I discovered that, since I have never smoked in the bathtub (ew), my cravings pretty much disappeared while I was in there. This is classical conditioning, and I can use it to my advantage! If I stay away from activities I associate with smoking, and pursue activities I associate with being smoke-free... I'll have a leg up on this thing.

    (As an aside, baby bath plus epsom salts gives you epically smooth skin. Try it, ladies! :p)

  • Hi there Shantivirus,

    Well done on your recent decision in quitting. Slow steps to start with. Those steps do get bigger as the days progress.

    I can definitely relate to your inner conversations with the nasty nicotine monster - I'm on day 7 today, and I had to ignore what he had to say today as he was cluttering my mind with nonsense. Reward he said, you've come this far, you need a reward. Don't be daft I replied. He went quiet for a while afterwards. He resurfaced once again when I was quite happy walking home from work, but more important things on my mind took precedent. This little nicotine monster isn't going to get the better of me. Or you by the sounds of it. So well done thus far.

    You've made one fantastic decision - this forum is a great place to read others experiences, encouragements, tips, tricks, and support whilst on this life changing decision that we have all made for ourselves.

    I wish you luck. Keep going. And keep us posted on your progress - both on the good times and perhaps not so good. Remember, nicotine cannot and will not make things better. It will undoubtedly make things a lot lot worse.

    hw2010

  • Hello and welcome,

    Your inner debates/persuasions for and against sound very familiar :)

    Stay strong, be firm and believe your words.

    Taking yourself away from places that you associate with smoking will help. I enjoy reading but even now, 3 months quit, I still associate a smoke or several with a book.

    I now have a lot of bath, bubble and book nights. A big help and I'm not depriving myself of reading.

    The words in your first post in this thread "because you break down doesn't mean you should give up" are so true.

    I've not been on this site that long but the amount of people who start out so hopeful and don't succeed one, two, three days or more, and just vanish is disheartening. To not succeed isn't a failure...... very few manage to get to a month or two, even hours, without a very hard struggle and end up smoking.

    Obviously I wish you success and a strong quit ....... just never quit trying :)

    I look forward to hearing how your next day goes and the arguments you win.

  • Mornin'

    In my experience you know when to stop so wouldn't worry too much if your first day wasn't cigarette free. Many people cut down before cutting out.

    I notice you mention stress above. The one thing I've found since stopping is that I'm the most relaxed I've ever been; even in stressful situations.

  • That voice inside our heads......

    Hi there,

    the voice inside our heads is the most annooyin and scary thing..

    I am in the process to stop ( I have made an appointment for tomorrow at the doctor), after several failed attempt.

    Every single time I have tried, or start to prepare, it seemed like I have two personalities!!My mind thinking: "I have to stop, it's bad for me and I don't want to anymore" and somebody arguing saying that I have to continue....

    It is great that you can manage and 'silence' that voice...I wish I was that strong and could do it on my own.

    When I read posts like these I realise that succeding is possible and keeps me motivated.

    Thank you for sharing and showing me that stopping is possible.

    Zai

  • So I'm on Day 1 and I already had two cigarettes. BUT I'm not going to beat myself up. That's probably 8 cigarettes less than I would have had on a normal day. In the smoking-cessation class I took a few years back, they reminded us that just because you break down doesn't mean you should give up.

    Meanwhile, I'm becoming aware of an internal dialogue between myself and the nicotine addiction (which has a very loud, convincing voice at this point). It goes something like this:

    Nicotine Monster: "Oh man, I need a smoke."

    Me: "No, I actually don't."

    Nicotine Monster: "No, this day is way too stressful, I'm going to lose it if I don't have a cigarette."

    Me: "Ok, that's totally untrue. Nicotine has no power to get me through this day. It can't make my phone calls for me, or do my laundry, or look for a job. Those are things I have to do BY MYSELF."

    Nicotine Monster: "Hey great, you just crossed something off your to-do list. Time to reward yourself with a cigarette."

    Me: "Yeah... Some reward. Stinky breath and a scratchy throat. How about a REAL reward, like a long bath?"

    Nicotine Monster: "Rarrrr!!! Need cigarette NOW!"

    Me: "Um, please shut up."

    This has been going back and forth ALL DAY, pretty much every second. Thankfully, because I've quit before, I know that the voice of addiction will get quieter and more infrequent as time passes. I just have to wait it out.

    So... on to my long bath and maybe a funny movie. Stay tuned...

    You know if I can beat it than anyone could, its hell for the first few weeks, but believe me it does get better, and when it does, oh boy you really start enjoying life without that stick in your hands.

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