Well thats something i didnt think would happen... Here i am, on week 2... nicely! I dont even care i've put on a few pounds! I'm managing to quit smoking - losing weight should be simples! hehe!
OOOH! And.... I GOT THE JOB! Bring on 2010... non-smoking hard-working slightly chubbier new me! woop!
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WooHoo! Week2, Thats fabulous.... its a good ole journey, but were all on it and we're all winners... winners that dont have bad breath, smell like old fusty socks and have chosen life.
Well made it to day 10 now... impressed myself with this to be honest.
Last night was tough though, had super cravings and tantrums, lots of tears and threats to smoke again. Like day 1,2 or 3 again for me actually. not good...
Still feeling like i do it, perhaps with a little less confidence as before, but i'll get that back i'm sure. everyone has off days eh?
I'm doin good... I can carry on doin good... i wont replace cigs with jaffa cakes anymore...
Actually u know, i just replied to a post on day 1... and they said them smoking was sort of a rebellion. Which got me thinking... Yeah me too! Like i said in that post, i smoked cos others didnt. it was to look "cool" as a kid. It gave me an edge to other geeks! I took a risk... and i loved it. And i still do love it. I feel like i love it... i dont get that if i've tried so hard to give it up. I dont know which way round things are working in my head. Have i convinced myself i hate it and so quit? or have i convinced myself i love it now because i'd do anything to break the quit? Truth is i dunno... i miss it. I really do miss it. And i know if anyone replies to this it will be "oh you hate smelling like an ashtray? you miss the bad cough? the disgusting smell lingering on ur clothes, ur hair, the taste? you miss the taste?!" ... YES! call me weird! smoking hurts me... but for some reason i feel like i miss it. tattoos and piercings hurt too... i love them also!
Hey needacuppa, you are not weird, we all feel that way (that we miss it) in either small or large lumps at a time!! Come on girl, you can do this, remember why you wanted to? If not, go back there and remember now.
Sorry I cant join in with the tatts and the piercings, but the missing it loads, yeah, I'm with ya on that one. Try to focus on something else, you have to stop torturing yourself, go out, read, walk, do anything but stay still and dwell on it. Good luck, love and hugs, Vivienne. xxxx
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