God im so so down

My o/h has upset me again this morning,i just feel like runing away from everything and everybody,

Im so pleased with myself for stoping smoking and still havent had one my o/h upset me agin this morning and hes gone to work while im sat here sobbing and feel so down.

He said i have badly damaged our relationship cause all i ever do is pick at him.

I dont mean to but we never do anything together,or go any were together in 10 years i have been with him we have gone up town like shoping or just for a walk around the shops ummmmm 3 times max

Im sure he is driving me to a fag as that is what he did last time and i really dont want to do that not at all,

This is so hard wish he understood and supported me stoping smoking and loosing weight :mad:

We dont have kids together or were not married i have a 15yr old daughter,which we have allways lived like two familys

sorry for the moan but im soo down today

xxx

16 Replies

oldestnewest
  • Hi Kay

    So sorry your feeling down hunnie please dont give up this quit babes. You will be just playing into his hands love, Not that its any thing to do with me. But maybe he can see you doing things for yourself and he is getting a bit worried keep strong and be very proud of yourself. I know where your coming from i got a parner like this myself. Just because they dont want to better them selfs dont mean that we cant. xxxxx

  • Hi Kay, nothing I say is going to cheer you up, I know this as I have recently gone through the same thing with my OH. He accused me of trying to split us up and ruining our relationship through snapping at him all the time and making a horrible atmosphere when he comes home from work.

    We are trying though, and we have agreed that 1 night a week he will do his own thing, I will do my own thing 1 night a week and we will make time to do something together one night a week even if thats just to go for a walk. I have agreed to "take myself off to bed for half an hour" if I feel in a bad snappy mood and all this seems to be working.

    You need to sit down with your OH and let him know exactly how you feel and find out what bothering him as well, tell him that you need his support, explain that you will get better and he just needs to give you some time to do that. Apologise -(I know sometimes thats hard) for all the horrible things you say and tell him that after 10 years he should know thats not the real you its just the quit thats making you like this.

    Make some time for yourselves make sure that you are BOTH making an effort to save your relationship and its not all one sided.

    Think of something you can do today just for yourself that would cheer you up a bit.

    Most of all be proud of yourself, you are doing extremely well with your quit and just sit there and think about all the benefits of you not smoking - that should put a little smile on your face. And remember, most of all that we are all here for you.

    Keep up the good work hun.

    Jx

  • Thanks

    Thanks everyone for your kind support,now i have a day to myself cause o/h has gone out, no bye or nothing and its all my fault :mad:

    So im at home today and feel like s*** but i will try and be strong

    Thanks for all your support xx

  • Hi Kay

    So sorry that you're having a hard time. You're doing so well, what with the cigarettes, dieting and having an OH who doesn't sound supportive (to say the least). Try to be strong. You're doing all this for you. DOn't lose the quit now, it won't make anything better.

    If you've got a free day try to find something which will keep you busy and you'll get a kick out of doing, a sense of achievement. Doesn't have to be a big thing, is there a cupboard that you've been promising to clear out for years etc, new recipes to try.

    Don't let him get you down. Be strong. Don't give in. You can do this and you'll fee so much better for succeeding.

  • Oh Kay, have just read your post and feel both sad and angry. You are doing great girl and it is not all your fault. Sounds like your OH feels threatened by your success in quitting and dieting. Keep going and be strong.

  • Kay, it's all been said. I do feel for you but hang in there - you know you can do this cause you're a strong person. You have a lot of people here to give you support (and you know they've got me through to today), and although it's not the same as having your OH there, you're not alone. So get busy and get another day behind you. I'm trusting that it'll get easier the longer we're quit.

  • Dave

    Well done mate and it will get easyer Honest.xxxxx

  • i wont give up

    Well done Dave,i will not give in no way will i,i have come this far.

    Keep the good work up Dave:)

  • I can't add anything to what the others have said, but I will say we are all here for you and I'm giving you a huge hug.

  • Hi Kay :)

    My o/h has upset me again this morning,i just feel like runing away from everything and everybody,

    Im so pleased with myself for stoping smoking and still havent had one and hes gone to work while im sat here sobbing and feel so down.

    I understand exactly how you feel this morning I had a OH like that several years ago so selfish that nothing mattered but him and what he wanted

    Don't give in to him on this it's exactly what he wants you to do then he can belittle you and make himself fell good and justified in anything he does or says

    You have every right to be pleased with yourself for quitting be proud of that

    He said i have badly damaged our relationship cause all i ever do is pick at him. I dont mean to but we never do anything together,or go any were together in 10 years i have been with him we have gone up town like shoping or just for a walk around the shops ummmmm 3 times max

    It's not you damaging your relationship at all this is all down to the fact that he can't cope with you doing anything just for you for some reason he's afraid of you doing this although he won't admit it even to himself as for you never doing anything together this is also down to him I think he's a very insecure bloke for whatever reason

    Im sure he is driving me to a fag as that is what he did last time and i really dont want to do that not at all,

    This is so hard wish he understood and supported me stoping smoking and loosing weight

    Yes he is it's exactly what he wants you to do go back to the fags and stop trying to lose weight that way he keeps you where he wants you [under his thumb] I think he's afraid he'll lose you at some point if you continue to do this for yourself but you carry on and do it for you and no one else

    We dont have kids together or were not married i have a 15yr old daughter,which we have allways lived like two familys

    sorry for the moan but im soo down today

    I may be wrong but I think this is his problem he hasn't accepted your daughter for whatever reason and it could be that he doesn't know why himself, so keeps you like two families and this is why he is as he is with you

    Don't apologise for having a moan we really don't mind that at all Promise

    I hope I haven't upset you with this that a was not my intention at all I just want to help if I can but if I have I apologise and please feel free to tell me to mind my own business if I have OK I won't take offence if you do OK

    Love and a Hug

    Marg xx

  • Kay you did the right thing coming on to share your problem. The only thing I can add is that your beautiful 15 year old daughter will benefit from you not smoking, hopefully she will never try it if she doesn't see you do it.

    Jackie

  • Hey Kay,

    Looks like others have given you tremendous support and I sincerely hope it's helped you get through the day.

    I'd like to add something else....when we go through stopping smoking we change, we do become different...whether happy or sad or grumpy or sleepy. We do change. Your partner maybe has seen this change and doesn't know how to deal with it and feels threatened by it...and possibly this is driving him to be angry or frustrated. I do believe that if you are in a relationship then dialogue should be a big part of it. After all, how can you know about each other, how can you properly share.

    This may be a controversial way of thinking...but no worries. Anything has got to be better than endless fighting and temper tantrums.

    Cav

  • Thanks

    Thanks sooooooooooooooooooooooo much to all of you i really really do thanks you all from the bottom of my heart :)

    Also margareth you havent upset me at all if any thing you are keeping me so strong, more than you would ever no and i would like to thank you so much, everything you said you are right i no you are 100% because i will come out a lot better person in the end with packing up smoking and looseing weight, and i will no way let anyone again get me to the state were i have a fag like i did last year,

    We seem to get on better when im fat and smoke but i dont want to be like that as it makes me very depressed and unhappy, that is why i am doing something about it. It causes friction cause he smokes and he has to go outside who knows,when im fat and smoke im unatractive when i loose weight and stop smoking i feel much more attractive that is why im doing this for ME

    thanks so much for all you kind support

    THANKS

  • Thanks to everyone xxx

  • Kay, you're doing good. Hang on in there. You can do this for you. That's important. Do this - and then sort out everything else.

    Now get on over to the Octoquits group. We're missing you.

    Look at the Quick Links button, then social groups, then Octoquits. Your one of our gang. Get in there.

    Sue

  • Kay, I hope the support you got today will have helped. With a huge hug I have to echo Marg lovey....you are not responsible for his mood hun, he is.

    I really understand where you are right now, I have twice got myself into and out of destructive relationships...

    Please please stay strong and I dont just mean on your smoking quit. Noone has the right to make you feel like this and you are not responsible for anyone elses mood. If he is not happy then that is his problem

    Sorry if I sound harsh, but I really mean this with the very best of intentions.

    Big hugs xx

    .

You may also like...