Day 24 - Rows and the tortoise

Hi all,

Last night was eventful. I got really teary and had a really good cry. I cried and apologised to my lovely bf because to be honest for the last three weeks I have been an absolute nightmare to live with. I have shouted at him, had childish tantrums and generally said some nasty things. We had an almighty row last night about which power tools to buy (we're currrently decorating). After we (well Me really) had calmed down I sat back and thought about what it was that was really wrong with me. Every argument we have had lately is one that I have started and it's usually been over something really petty. I can only conclude that my body is struggling with this quit, my mind is working against it and won't give in resulting unfounded bursts of anger......

Anyway after a really good cry and getting everything out in the open and me really saying sorry.....I feel a lot better.

I almost started to wonder last night if my quit was really worth it as I've been so horrible of late but don't worry I haven't succumbed. This is just what my demon wants. He wants me to feel isolated and then I'll need him. Well here's 2 fingers to my demon.....and now my 2 fingers are in my ears cos I'm not even listening to what he has to say......

Anyway I eventually relaxed with a couple of glasses of red wine last night without feeling the need to join my bf outside for a ciggie.

It's funny how my moods are up and down every day at the mo. I can start off all positive and then a small thing (like the power tools incident) will set me off. After I've had an outburst I feel like an idiot because it's so pathetic......

And the dreams I'm having every night are getting weirder and weirder. I can't always remember them but a few nights ago I woke my bf in a panic saying that he must go and feed the tortoise immediately!! The other night I dreamt that I had been stung by a wasp and I was blowing up all puffy and was frightened I was going to pop!

Anyway, it's a new dawn, it's a new day and I'm feeling good (thanks Nibball)

PP xx

5 Replies

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  • Hi PP :)

    24 days smoke free is great well done Big Hug and pleased to hear you feel good today

    The way you've been acting and feeling are all normal at this stage of not smoking emotions are all over the place as you learn to adjust to a new way of life

    I'm sure your BF understands now that you've got it out in the open and it really does get better and better the further you go Promise

    As for the wierd dreams they will pass over time my advice about how you feel is to talk about it not bottle it up until you feel like you could burst this will also help you to cope

    Love

    Marg xxxxxx

  • Day 22 for me, so angry also, my poor kids. I think we just have to get through this PP, i know how u feel about "is it worth it" but OMG WE ARE SOOOO WORTH IT;)

    As for the dreams, well this is my 5/6 quit and i never had the dreams before but this time, again just like you, i am dreaming huge everynight. I don't know how to say this but a lot of my dreams involve s*x, it is v odd.

    We can do this together, and with everybody else here of course, one day at a time. i have never stopped for this long before and a very small part of me is beginning to see a very very small light at the end of this very very dark tunnel.

    Turn the music up and boogie through the moods girl.

    "does wild gyrating thing"

  • Hi, sorry you are having a hard time, are you wearing the patches all night. I did at first and they caused me to have nightmares, I, with advise from my NHS Nurse started taking them off at night and I had no more bad dreams and slept fine. You could check it our with whoever is providing you with your patches and see what they have to say.

    Good luck.

    Jackie

  • PP,

    The mood swings will vary from day to day and week to week, it won't be like that forever. When i felt i was getting a bit :mad: I just backed off from the situation, and came back in 15 mins. sometimes things just get a bit much, but sitting in the thick of it doesn't always help.

    Now regards sleep and dreams etc, are you taking the patch off before bedtime? and cutting back on coffee/tea in the last hour or two? If you are not, i would do that because the trippy dreams i was getting were all when i was leaving my patch on. take it off half hour/1 hour before bed and see how it helps.

    Keep going though, and don't ever be afraid to talk to the OH and say sorry even if you've done nothing.. i apologised in advance to my OH on nights where i'd had a stressy day .. just in case.

    J

  • Hi J,

    Think I'll try leaving the patch off at night. Been too frightened to before as my morning cigarette was the one I missed the most in the beginning. We'll see how it goes. Another 2 weeks and I can cut down a patch size :D

    PP x

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