month 2 starts for me today - first of september 2009 eh. never thought id make it but have.
Suppose i should start believing in myself a bit now. Day 32 started.
Managed to survive NottingHill Carnival yesterday with two smokers so that was definately a milestone.
I even picked a ciggie of the floor that I found to give it to them!
needless to say they didnt want it (menthol!)
haha.
i am still finding it quite hard when ive had a few beers and am bored but i think that says more about the company im with than my desire to actually smoke.
still im hoping that if i give it enough time this will go away / become less permanetly annoying.
i am still finding it quite hard when ive had a few beers and am bored but i think that says more about the company im with than my desire to actually smoke.
Yes it is.. look at it this way, if these are friends or folk you know that you've been out with alot, they've probably told all those stories they tell a million times already.. once all the talking is done.. noone likes to bore the others.. after all, your not over 80 and in a day care centre yet So the next thing that happens, is not alot is said that is new.. or interesting, and half of you if not all of you starts lookin around the room people watching.. and besides throwing drink down your neck and the chat etc, eventually the smokers make their excuse to go an have their fix.
Now you on the other hand have given them up, you are still in recovery from the addiction, and the cure isn't going to happen overnight, nor should you expect it to either.. but over time it is happening, and you just need to keep believing in yourself that you are capable of so much more than you gave yourself credit for over the years. You can of course go with them and stare temptation in the face, or you can look after the drinks and protect them from minesweepers as you've given up the smoking, perhaps buy one extra round in the night for them.. but make it early on so they remember hehe.
Anyone can smoke, but it takes a real winner to give them up.
And i think you are a winner.. in so many respects.
So be happy in yourself, you've come this far, you can do much more yet.
i'd love to make it to the over 80s day care centre!
if we keep up our quits we all just might make it too
I'm gonna run a dominoes racket if anyone's interested.
cheers jase - i think you are right - I can do this but its time to stop expecting it to become easy all of a sudden now its been a few weeks.
gotta have patience. I must admit it does scare me a little seeing people come on here and declare there cravings many months or years after giving up.
hopefully we'll all be one of the lucky ones that has mentally figured out how to put it all into perspective and therefore doesnt feel tourtured.
one for you if youve not seen it -> i watched "the straight story" the other night - its about an old dude who goes on a 5 week ride on his lawn mower to make peace with his brother.
it is indeed quite a scary thought. scary that i'm gonna be an eighty yr old man and im still gonna be battling for territory for the likes of these good peoples money (of which we will all have lots due to not smoking) with you with your backgammon!!! :rolleyes:
well its a free market i guess
glad your going well this time. this is the best time of year to quit i recon - coming into autumn and winter winter is the best time as you start to get to feel all smug about sitting in the warm when you know in the past you would have been freezing your ass off in the rain and wind.
I was gonna say that you might as well just hand your money straight over to me and save yourself the trouble with the poker but after reading that I might just keep my money in my dominoes fund and save myself getting my butt kicked!
well its day 35 today and im really struggling tonight.
i even was thinking about smoking when i was going for a run.
its wierd i was fine all day, well not fine but doing ok and then wham.
decided that some of it might be me craving a beer as ive not had one since monday (that sounds like a right alcholic thing to say!) and i was gonna try and cut the beer out for a while as i was going a bit mad on it,
but im thinking one thing at a time right now.
just take it easy on the beer and all will be good thats what im thinking any how.
well its a been a tough old ride the last few days. feel a bit shaken by it all.
need to get some resolve back I think.
feeling a real loss as im finding out that i filled quite a lot of the empty periods of my life with smoking and now im having to deal with the fact that i need to find new ways of dealing with bad days.
i mean we all have them right.
feeling very emotionally up and down these last couple of weeks and have been questioning loads whether this is the right time for me to be quitting. I know in my heart that there is no right time and the fact that i have come this far means that it is the right time, but i feel like im looking for ways out at the moment. Ive gotta not get into that bargaining with myself rubbish.
there's quite a lot of other stuff going on in my life at the moment thats making things feel tough and thats hard i think, but it doesnt mean i cant do this.
nearly half way to that 3 month mark now. so im thinking that if i can hold out till then maybe things will look very different.
I understand where you are with this now i think. Certainly sometimes its like your 'demon' presses a switch called 'headwreck' and you go from thinking quite rationally and calmly to suddenly seeing a very clear image of a smoke and your taste buds fire up, as though you can taste one? bet i'm right with that. What you described about time you suddenly have and the feeling of.. emptiness of having nothing to fill those gaps with is pretty much normal though, as crappy as it feels, it is normal for this part of your quit.
I spent more than a few days in my second month looking for things to keep me busy, and that was the main trick.. to keep busy.
Now i play more than the odd computer game, i play world of warcraft, but also play those games on facebook too, as they tend to make me do routine things every so often to keep my game in line. I've found going for a walk now and again was a great help. You don't need a fixed destination, just make sure its not past any shops that sell *cough*. u know. *cough*. If my neighbour had a dog, i'd have walked its legs off
What you say though about 'the right time'. Well, there is never a wrong time to quit.. any time you quit is the right time.. and no matter how hard going this is.. you absolutely must keep it up. Think of this as a down payment for the rest of your life. Now if you want to use a scare tactic just to strengthen your resolve.. picture yourself as a much older man.. hooked up to a ventilator .. hardly able to breathe unassisted. Quality of life?
Well .. what you are doing now.. is securing quality of life bman. You may not see it right now.. but you are... and that has got to be worth the heartache now. and the sighing.. and the :eek: what do i do now? moments...
You , are worth so much more than the future you 'were' going to have.. now start grabbing again at the better future you ARE going to have.
Get back on track, oh and m8y? watch some funny as f* comedies right now, might cheer u up a bit.
and don't forget to smile .. its a great thing you are doing here!
yeah - your right - the headwreck thing has been getting to me big time.
im just determined to not give in but i'm getting tired of feeling like sh*te all the time. Actually thats not fair, its not all the time, its just so overwhelming when it is in full flow.
i think distractions are the way forward. its just very hard to feel motivated to do anything when you feel that lost, empty type feeling.
you are right - this is probably the biggest investment were ever going to make for ourselves in our lives. its probably the difference between a long happy healthy life and a short one with a miserable ending.
its gotta be worth it however tough the journey to get there.
i just keep thinking of that Lord of the Rings ****ogy. its feeling more and more like the burden is getting heavier. but there is only one person that can do this and its ourselves. and we cant give up having come this far.
i think i will get some comedies on the go. laughters the best medicine after all right.
thanks for the support - just gotta hang tough now.
forgot to mention aswell earlier bman.. don't know if you get a craving like this ever.. but here is a typical one that i would get.. i'll describe it best i can.
You start off relatively ok.. bit tired maybe.. but thats all.. then out of nowhere, you start to think of something, you don't even know what but for some reason the place you are focusing on is right between your eyebrows and above your nose. You could almost touch the point where your brains is focusing on. You lose the ability to concentrate on anything else around you.. and you concentrate so hard on that one spot you now become really jittery.. and erratic.. and it hangs like that for what seems like forever.
My cure? Because i recognise this is a severe craving now, i go throw some seriously cold water on my face (bathroom sink etc.) and keep doing so until my concentration is so 'broken' that the moment completely passes by.
Works for me, and.. you'll prob have the cleanest face ever
Different things work for different people, you might find it works too.
Good luck.. but right now you need to be getting back to the point where you are telling your demon that you are boss now.. not it.. you.. are in control here.
man - i know that ive been winging a lot recently but i just need to get this out of my system at the moment.
i cant believe how strongly im craving at the moment. its unreal. its like ive gone back to week 1 or 2.
im determined not to give in but i just dont get where this is coming from.
i thought that this was all well under control.
i have thought about whether its time to consider going back on the champix for a while. but i think that in reality i know the answer is i just have to get through this.
nearly 40 days without a smoke and still getting hit like a freight train.
It WILL pass and those moments will become less and less and the intensity will lessen as well.... You're doing really well..... we all have those moments but you get through it and your quit will be stronger for it. Great job you! Tomorrow you'll feel better!
thanks bella - i hope so as it seems to be going in the other direction at the moment!
i think this post sums up where i'm at right now from the talesfromthequit.com site - i guess we all have to go through this period of readjusting and self acceptance - i guess its all part of quitting.
cause and effect
2009 JANUARY 26
an old man was sitting by the side of the road on a hill overlooking a small town when a younger man approached him and said "hey, old man, what kind of people live in that town down there?"
the old man asked, "what kind of people lived in the town you came from?"
"oh, they were a nasty bunch there; never a good thing to say about anybody, rob you blind if you weren't looking and stab you in the back just as soon as look at you; god, i hated it there!"
"well, young fellow, i'm afraid you'll find the people in that town down there are pretty much the same; you probably won't like it much there, either."
a little later, another young man came down the road, and stopped to ask the old man, "what kind of people will i find in that town down there, grandfather?"
again, the old man asked, "what kind of people did you find in the town you came from?"
"oh, the people there were great! friendly, smiling all the time, always had a good word for you, and they'd give you the shirts off their backs; i loved it there!"
"well, isn't this your lucky day, then? the people in that town down there are exactly the same way! i'm sure you'll like it there."
how could the old man give such radically different reviews of the same town? he didn't, really; in fact, the old man wasn't even from that town. he'd never even been there, much less ever met anybody from there. but the old man knew human nature; he understood that our attitude colors our perceptions, that we find pretty much what we expect to find - whether that's good or bad - wherever we go.
how do you like it where you live right now? and what are you expecting to find where you're going?
i used to live in a place called "kevin-is-a-smoker". i didn't like it very much there, so i decided to move to a new place called "kevin-doesn't-smoke-any-more". for a while, the strangeness of my new home was pretty disorienting; it just didn't feel right. but eventually i started getting used to it. it started to feel like "home" to me.
funny thing, though: back when i used to live in the old place, one of the things that made me want to move was the fact that i didn't like who i was living with very much. now that i'm more or less settled in to the new place, i'm starting to realize that there are still things i don't like very much about who i'm living with.
maybe i thought that, once i moved out of the old place, i'd leave the old thoughts and attitudes behind, too. maybe i thought that, if i didn't actually pack them up in boxes and put them on the truck, they'd be left behind for the next tenant to deal with. but that's not what happened. they followed me here.
i guess i should've realized that, at its root, smoking is a self-destructive behavior, and that anyone who engages in a self-destructive behavior obviously has some issues to deal with. i should've realized that, just because i stopped indulging in the behavior (the effect), it didn't mean the issues (the cause) would just go away. in fact, i'm only just starting to realize (once again) that a large part of what drove the effect (my old smoking behavior) was the desire to cover up the cause (the issues).
:::grabs shovel and flashlight, exits stage left:::
Out of interest, have you got any underlying stress or anxiety over something going on at the moment? perhaps one is just disturbing the other a bit.
You know i've been fine on my quit, but last thursday and friday i was sorting my new car out, i was pretty stressed as it happens, and i had my toughest time in a long time.. and it didn't subside until i'd sorted my car out.
My point?
Sometimes we confuse just real stress as being cravings, when whats really happening is we are getting used to dealing with stress without first trashing our brains with nicotine before dealing with normal real life situations.
hi jase - well yep, you could say that. I lost the job contract i was on and then subsequently my business went insolvent and had to be liquidated, then ended up having to go personally bankrupt as i could no longer pay my personal debts that id been struggling with for a wihle.
So now I've gone from high life in the city to unemployed and bankrupt in the space of 6 months. damn credit crunch :confused:
yeah this is a hard time for me really. having a few fall outs recently with my best mate hasnt helped matters either.
i was pretty close to folding last night. I think that my resolve is teetering on the edge at the moment.
i think if i had any money at all in the world i might have gone and bought some smokes. But i didnt and its week 6 for me today and i'm very proud but doubting myself a little i must admit.
i'm not sure how much more resolve ive got left.
i had loads of smoking dreams last night where id given in. had bought some smokes and was having the odd one in the evening. was doing the "ill have a cigar" when out at meals.
goddam it.
i guess if it was easy this wouldnt be something to be so damn proud of.
anyway week 6 is here - this time next week will be 50 days.
gotta hang in there. I'm off to visit my family in Cornwall for a week who moved down there permanently a few months ago, hopefully that will send me back on the right track. I think the inner city walls of london have been closing in on me for some time.
From what you've posted here ... and no matter how much some walls have crumbled around you, i think despite everything.. if you can keep 'this' going, this one constant .. surely you have to use it as a ray of hope?
god knows you've listed ALOT .. and i mean ALOT of high level stress there fella.. but honestly.. I truly believe in you.. I think you've got what it takes to crack this addiction despite your uber-bad luck lately.
Now credit crunch or not.. you absolutely must never lose belief in that there is and will be better coming for you.
No matter what right now? spending £££ out on smoking isn't going to help your situation, it will fake it for you.. and will ultimately make things worse.
You only get crapped on for so long in life before suddenly things get better.. but you have to chase the better matey... its there, it really is. You do not know what tomorrow may bring.. or next week.
I do wish you luck though, i know its no consolation in comparison to what your dealing with, but hope and luck are two very powerful forces in ones life, so i hope they find you and help you out when you most need them.
now i'm a thinker, and now is where i'll tail off with a way to look at the problem in a kind of confusious styleee.. (now i wrote this after a nice bottle or two of wine, so forgive me!!)
"Rather than look at your falling wall and watching the bricks that are falling in dismay, concentrate on the brick(s) that didn't move at all.. they are what keeps you together. You can build the rest of the wall back up in time, but they will be built on the foundation of those bricks that didn't move before"
Keep things real bman. I wish you good fortune to yet to come.
Great going on 6 weeks quit keep it going it does get better Promise
Sorry you're having such a bad and stressful time just now I agree with what Jase is saying and remember a smoke won't help at all with anything and will only make you feel worse not better
You now the old saying when things are really bad THEY CAN ONLY GET BETTER well it's true so hang in there OK
hey big thanks again jase - you do have a great talent for making the reality of the situation make sense. the words of reason really do get me through sometimes.
thanks marg and chrissie for the support as well. I cant wait till 50 days either (saturday :D).
being out of the inner city is doing me a world of good. went for a walk along the cliffs yesterday and all the sea air and natural light and space is just making all the difference.
i'm gonna leave this post here, cos i have realised that it would be nice to post once something positive - so here it is! in all its glory
thank you all for the continued support. I'm not sure who posted it but that video earlier of that guy who died at 33 from lung cancer really brought it back home what an amazing thing we are all doing here.
also I just found out that my best mate's (from growing up) mum (who always used to smoke and stopped a few months ago) just got diagnosed with brest cancer and has just had to have a large part of her breast removed. Its so horrible what this bloody addiction can do to a person, a family, a healthy life.
we really are doing something amazing here and its important to keep remembering how big a difference doing this can make to our lives. We really are giving ourselves and each other the greatest gift of them all -
Sorry to hear about your troubles - but consider the sheer determination needed to give up, I know that funds would've played a part but there's always a way to find money for a smoke. Have a think about your personal debt and seriously consider how much of that was due to the smokes taking up available cash and then buying things on credit cards etc.
Have you been on your trip to cornwall yet? Don't forget your bike.
I've also been struggling as you know with this quit but I'm still quit, at the end of the day for me that's all that matters. Many have posted on here about how stopping smoking has forced them to look at other areas of their lifes, including lack of exercise, drinking too much and all the other unhealthy little *choices* we make as we start living of lives. I have also drifted away from people during giving up, some people because they smoke, others because they drink too much and others because I don't want to do the same things anymore since I've quit. I want to exercise, so one of my smoking friends now plays badminton with me (we're talking cycling the coast to coast next year) just keep plodding away. Some days are worse than others - others are good and always celebrate the good days.
In spite of everything you haven't had a smoke, smoking wouldn't have helped, the booze might've worked nicer with a smoke - perhaps the new you with not smoking involves changes some other things you want to change about yourself too.
Methinks trip to Cornwall is the best thing you can do....Hope it doesn't rain for ya. Being statistically nearer to cornwall than most i can tell you that this is currently unlikely.
Do loads of nice cliff walks and healthy stuff inbetween drinking cornish ale and eating pasties.
ah man - im having the best time. went canoeing with my brother when he finished work last night in the late evening sun and then we went round his house to have fish and chips with his wife and my folks.
Gonna go surfing with my dad today - haha. never thought id hear myself say that.
He's bought himself a bodyboad and a wetsuit and ive just dug out the old surfboard that I haven't used in over 12 years. This should be hilarious.
have a good day all - hopefully speak to you again later if i dont get eaten by a rock or washed out to guernsey. :eek:
havent been missing smoking at all this week. Hopefully have turned a bit of a corner but not gonna get too overconfident too soon. 2 days to 50 though - cant argue with the numbers.
There is a confidence in how you are posting right now that oozes positivity. sod all thats gone before.. keep your mind and heart set on the things you can change.. and the things you have control over.
Enjoy that surfing, by god i know you will Look forward to seeing your next posts too , coz so far it looks like the light-bulb has switched on for you, and that is absolutely fantastic!!
so well done you, have been really glad to help you where i can.. and will continue to do so, as will others.
2 days til 50 hasn't time gone by.. it doesn't seem long ago i was posting in reply to your earlier posts, but i've been so pleased to see you go from strength to strength.. you've been through some times on this quit, but you've stuck with it.. and that is what counts.
keep looking forward and upwards now.. no staring at your shoes.. there is more out there for you yet.. and this feeling of positivity and well being you are feeling at the moment need only be the beginning.
the smoke free life has got so much to offer, im just starting to get a tiny insiders look at that and its like that shining light at the end of a very long dark tunnel.
but it is there, theres a long way to go but each day gets brighter and the support from you and others makes that possible.
right - gotta get out there before my old man decides he wants to spend his pension on the 2 pence machines instead !
I've also been struggling as you know with this quit but I'm still quit, at the end of the day for me that's all that matters. Many have posted on here about how stopping smoking has forced them to look at other areas of their lifes, including lack of exercise, drinking too much and all the other unhealthy little *choices* we make as we start living of lives. I have also drifted away from people during giving up, some people because they smoke, others because they drink too much and others because I don't want to do the same things anymore since I've quit. .... perhaps the new you with not smoking involves changes some other things you want to change about yourself too.
just reread this MAH - genius at work there.
feeling all too much empathy with much of what you say.
i think a few of us on here have posted about the readjustment of 'self' that is happening. its very hard. its even harder as alot of people giving up smoking did so because they were feeling bad about themselves anyway.
society has attacked smokers. its not acceptable to smoke in most environments no more.
it used to be cool, then it became what the carefree did, then it became what the unsensitive uncaring social outcasts did - whattcya gonna do? give up right? or go and live in vietnam / spain / antartica (like our latest member)
its lead us all to the best place in our lives though so you gotta salute it at the end of the day! sometimes we dont know best eh? addiction and freedom to enjoy your addiction .. theres a paradox right there. just gotta not be this guy...
feeling all too much empathy with much of what you say.
i think a few of us on here have posted about the readjustment of 'self' that is happening. its very hard. its even harder as alot of people giving up smoking did so because they were feeling bad about themselves anyway.
society has attacked smokers. its not acceptable to smoke in most environments no more.
it used to be cool, then it became what the carefree did, then it became what the unsensitive uncaring social outcasts did - whattcya gonna do? give up right? or go and live in vietnam / spain / antartica (like our latest member)
its lead us all to the best place in our lives though so you gotta salute it at the end of the day! sometimes we dont know best eh? addiction and freedom to enjoy your addiction .. theres a paradox right there. just gotta not be this guy...
Yeah, slowly but surely hey. Not doing to bad, Shabba mentioned in her one year post about the lost feeling. Wonder if that's part of it too, will be interesting to look back on this period and be able to identify (with perfect hindsight) what exactly was going on. Am still a bit post blues groggy.
Cornwall is fantastic - did a little scouting around when I went home in June, shan't be back until Christmas now - have the SW posse up for a visit soon though.
Am glad to no longer be smoking very glad and am proud of my achievement so far. Don't want the stress of looking for the next hit anymore. Don't want to be travelling and desperate to have a fag or out for a meal and wanting a fag, or the cinema, theatre anything. Or waking up in the morning and wanting a smoke, or needing 5 before actually leaving for work. STOPPING SMOKING IS THE BEST THING I'VE EVER DONE.
It is the best thing you've ever done. It might not be the most instantly visible.. it might not be like some extreme sport.. or bungee jump ... or paragliding.. or ... surfing.. but it is THE most important thing and life changing thing you could possibly have undertaken to succeed at.
So well done on your 50th day and indeed the beginning of the 8th week here... its a good place to be, and you have laid the foundations for an excellent quit and a much more healthy life.
Well done.. and good luck for all the weeks ahead.
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So the next thing that happens, is not alot is said that is new.. or interesting, and half of you if not all of you starts lookin around the room people watching.. and besides throwing drink down your neck and the chat etc, eventually the smokers make their excuse to go an have their fix. 
Here We Go...Again!!!
Here we go again
Here we go again...
