My last ever Day 1

[nsd_user663_4625]

Hi,

Some of you will know that I fell off my quit on day 90 earlier this month.

Without going into the boring details I let my emotions get the better of me & I had a ciggarette despite knowing all to well it would not make anything better or solve anything. I was stupid & I know that.

I have struggled over the last 2 weeks to get back on my quit. Each night I have said tomorrow then when tomorrow comes, well tomorrow is another day.

Today, thanks to some kind words (you know who you are LOL) I managed to get myself to work & NOT stop for 10 cigs on the way. I did kinda toy with the idea of getting some at lunchtime but managed to avoid doing that as well. Came home & my OH smokes (outside) & have managed not to go and beg one from him.

I used patches last time & lozenges so am going to use the middle strength patch just for a couple of weeks to get me back into this.

There is no point beating myself up about what I have done, I cannot turn the clock back & undo the past but I can learn from this. I already knew there is never 'Just One'. Have tried that old chestnut many a time. NEVER take another puff means NEVER for a reason.

I have reset my quit meter & am going to e-mail it to both my sons every day. I have asked them that if they don't get it to ring & give me a good talking to.

I called myself Neverstoptrying for a reason!!!!

Good luck to everyone out there no matter where you are on your quit.

Love Gaynor xx

I have been quit for 13 hours, 12 minutes and 59 seconds (0 days). I have saved £2.64 by not smoking 11 cigarettes. I have saved 55 minutes of my life. My Quit Date: 24/08/2009 07:50

[nsd_user663_4121]

Welcome back Gaynor! So proud of you to jump back into your quit so quickly.... don't have any regrets.... we are not perfect and our lessons are not always learned right away..... maybe this past slip will help to strengthen your resolve even further and make this your final quit! Glad you've gotten through the day..... think each day past is another day you won't have to repeat again..... good to have you back

[nsd_user663_4625]

Thanks Bella

Thank you very much Bella, that means alot.

Part of me feels like I have to get past my 90 days before this quit means anything which is stupid I know. Every single day is an acheivement no matter what number day it is. Shall hang on to that thought

Love Gaynor xxx

[nsd_user663_4149]

Second what Bella has said G, smashing to see you having another go, your last one I'm sure. I know only with you, and others telling me that I can never have another puff, or else back to square one. Thanks G and you'll be ok love. David xxxx

[nsd_user663_4149]

Thank you very much Bella, that means alot.

Part of me feels like I have to get past my 90 days before this quit means anything which is stupid I know.

Love Gaynor xxx

We were typing at the same time Gaynor, that's not stupid, only natural you'll want the next 90 days to fly past, good goal for you to aim for though. David xxx

[nsd_user663_4625]

Thanks David

For your support. This WILL be my last quit. The look in my sons eyes although he didn't say anything said it all. I have to keep that image in my mind also.

Love Gaynor xxx

[nsd_user663_4990]

Gaynor,

Your spot on lass, you can't change the past, but the past teaches us the greatest lessons, and sometimes you have to fall off your bike to realise it really hurts your bum and so you stay back on the next time and peddle like merry bloody hell

The very very best of luck to you Gaynor, I'll spare you any yak yak, and look forward to seeing you go from day to day just knowing you've come through just fine from the day before

You know the ropes, you know the deal, the rest is down to you now.

So lets just do it. Show the damn world you mean business.

J x

[nsd_user663_4625]

Thanks J

LOL, you made me chuckle. My legs are going hell for leather & refuse to lose blance this time. Will have a butt of steel

Love Gaynor xxx

[nsd_user663_4990]

Anyway G, sounds like your on a positivity kick at the moment, and i cannot tell you how much that vibe will help. It may ebb on some days, but you fake it til you believe it again is the truth. I do the same, its not made me slip once, nor made me start thinkin on things i ought not.

Bloody proud of you launching yourself at this.

Just yell, or anything if you need any help.. reckon you'll be fine tho.

J

[nsd_user663_1733]

Well done Gaynor hunnie.

So sorry didnt know you has had a slip. But the main thing is your back trying again. I have stopped and started more times than I can remember Babes. Just take one day at a time thats what Ive done this time dont worry about the next 90 days, Baby steps and you will get there faster than you think. Love from me.xxxxxxx

[nsd_user663_4964]

I'm afraid i had another lapse too. I have terrible work stress at the mo- I have a bully boss, and he is either trying to make my life a misery so i leave or he is going to sack me. He has reduced someone elses hours and taken me off nights which i used to do, and employed a polish guy to do that , and a polish cleaner. (He is polish) I was told last night by a colleague that he wants me gone - so he can employ a polish girl he knows.I have been doing the job for 4 years with no problem, but since he's been there he keeps ringing me up with mistakes i'm supposed to have made, and threatening me with disciplinaries all the time (I've never had any ever)

I'm not racist and i genuinely don't have anything against the poles, but it's really all getting too much.

I know cigarettes don't help with stres but after hearing that i just wanted one. Not smoking today though. We can do it Gaynor!

[nsd_user663_5034]

Just take one day at a time thats what Ive done this time dont worry about the next 90 days, Baby steps and you will get there faster than you think.

Hi Gaynor....just putting in my 2 bobs worth....I totally agree with what linda said.....just do it one day at a time....its too hard to look any further down the track than that...one day at a time and your son will soon be looking at you in awe of what you have done......good luck and best wishes Kez.

[nsd_user663_4990]

Jude that boss of yours :mad:

I would find another job in all honesty. No job is worth that mental torture by anyone. Sure the moneys ok, but never surely worth this?

[nsd_user663_4625]

Morning All

Thanks Linda, Jude & Kez for your support.

I will just look at one day at a time & I think I need to go back to whyquit to remind me exactly why I am doing this! The pics & stories are usually enough to make me think never again.

Jude,

I am so sorry you are having such a bad time at work. I presume there is nobody higher you can complain to if your boss is treating you badly? If there is I would do it hun. I lost my quit due to the week from hell at work as I call it. Nobody deserves to be treated like s**t no matter what the situation. If there is no way to improve matters there ie formal comlaint then maybe as Jas said you will have to look for something else. Money can be a pain I know. I am looking to move but all the salaries are less then I am on now & cannot afford to drop. I wish you luck, hold your head up high & imagine him/her naked next time you see them or have to speak to them LOL

LOve Gaynor xxx

[Deke 9 Years Smoke Free]

Hi Gaynor,

All strength to you for dusting yourself off and getting back down to some serious quitting. You know so well that this is a battle worth winning - and I am certain that you have what it takes to do exactly that. Keep strong, and never take another puff.

Deke

[nsd_user663_4990]

In honesty, I keep saying i have bad mondays, but its a whole different league to being persecuted by small-P'Nis syndrome bosses who seem to revel in abusing their position of authority. In this case, it seems the persecution is so that he can get a fellow Polish person a job there, which i would be inclined to bring up at a tribunal under the label of constructive dismissal if it goes that far.

The worst thing is for every horrible boss like that, there is some truly nice ones out there too..and its a damn shame you haven't got one of these because i really think you'd have been quit for a long long time already if this had been the case.

[jackieinv]

Hi Gaynor, knew you would get here was looking out for you. Your last 90 days are still special because they were 90 days you did not put poison into your body. Monday was a special day too as without day 1 there is no quit so onwards and upwards, don't beat yourself up, be proud and celebrate every day you do not smoke.

Good luck, wishing you many more smoke free days.

Jackie

[nsd_user663_4026]

Gaynor and Jude,

You've gotten back on the quit wagon. I couldn't get straight back on, I truly admire you! Thats brilliant! Keep looking forward. Jude, that sounds rubbish, I really feel for you chick xx

[nsd_user663_4625]

Thanks Deke, Jackie & Fiona

Thanks very much for your support.

Today has not been too bad, forgot my patch this morning, doh. Was so busy at work that I forgot about it though.

I am determined this time to do this, got to be more to life than constantly quitting so making this the final time

Love Gaynor xx

[nsd_user663_4990]

You have to gaynor, you don't want to keep going through the early days withdrawal process all the time, make this one big truly concentrated effort and break through the early weeks to get to a more comfortable breathing spot in the quit.. from there you'll gain the focus and extra strength to carry it forward.

No-one can ever say this is too easy.. yes it might seem that way for some.. but we're all different in many respects, so call on support or encouragement whereever you need it.

Best of luck to you, and indeed anyone in these early days. Its a big step, but once made, worth every bit of the effort you summon against it.

[NicFirth 10 Years Smoke Free]

All the best with this one Gaynor, I reckon that each failed attepmt teaches you something that can help the next, and I had so many past failures that I must be a flippin genius!!

However, there has to be one quit that sticks, is for keeps, does not falter and takes you from an abstaining smoker to a non smoker. The ability is there, smoking is a choice, just keep choosing not to put one in your mouth and light it today, tomorrow and everyday and you'll be fine.

Cheers

Nic

[nsd_user663_4877]

Gaynor,

Good luck this time ,but just think by the time you read this that will be another day smoke free. Isn't it a great feeling.

Stick with it.

Gary