made it 
week 4 is here: made it :-) - No Smoking Day
week 4 is here
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Hi Bman 
Week three done and dusted well done you Big Hug
It will start to get much easier for you now
Love
Marg
Nice one.
If you've not already done so.. give yourself a massive pat on the back, and know you've really achieved something great here.
Its an ongoing thing now though, but i'm betting week 4 will be a much better week for you.
Well done fella. Proud of ya!
Jase.
thanks marg and jase - i really hope so. im feeling really down tonight. i'm hoping its just the giving up smoking and coming off the champix stuff but its weird when you give up smoking you realise all the stupid reasons that you used to to it.
i think i was a bordem smoker. now ive not got hundreds of cigarettes to smoke im feeling a bit empty.
my life needs an injection of direction i think.
anyway - hopefully this is not a lasting state of mind.
we all get down sometimes dont we.
right - gonna cycle to bethnal green and go to my mates house party. which is the bloody last thing i feel like but the alternative is sitting here feeling sorry for myself so ..
catch all you lovely people later.
Bman, if it helps any, i've had about 3 or 4 really down and depressed nights so far this quit.. it just passes. Go have a nice hot bath and relax for an hour perhaps ?
B yo the man
Hey Bman...well done to you.....you should be very proud of yourself......Cheers Kez.
Hey Bman,
Sorry to hear your a bit down. I get like that sometimes, but thats even with the smoking.
Try looking up "positive thinking" on Google.
Regards
Paul
self destructing
hmm - i think that giving up smoking is causing me some major issues or making some stuff surface thats really scaring the hell out of me.
ive woken up this morning covered in cuts and bruises. I think i fell off my bike when cycling home last night from the party. I think i fell out with some people there and cycled through london off my face and then came off my bike.
this isnt the first time that ive had some big rows since quitting. I've upset a few people, there seems to be some major reajustment going on here.
im a bit worried about this. it must all be part of me working out the new me after quitting but jesus its not been pretty.
im hoping that this will sort its self out. but its scaring the hell out of me at the moment.
First let me dispel one myth there...
1. You didn't get the cuts and bruises by not smoking, you got them by falling off your bike while 'off your face'
2. as for the big rows, perhaps over-bickering where you know you shouldn't? Well.. could that again have been more to do with the drink, and you no longer go for a smoke to calm down, instead you sit in the trouble spot perhaps ?
One thing i've conditioned myself on this quit is to back off from conflict, even when i am sooooooooooo damn right :). Everyone likes to make a point, stand their ground etc, but when your giving up smoking, you'll stand that ground more.
For once.. just for once fella, back off from any possible conflicts, know your limits when it comes to your drink for a wee while too. The drink will do some weird stuff to the head anyway.
... and as for the bike? fit stabilisers
Can only recommend really possibly something like chewing gum for the non-drinking periods.
but.. the thing you have to consider most is that you absolutely cannot rely on smoking any longer to calm you down from such situations, you have to go through a period of self-adjustment to calm yourself before these situations get out of control. If that means you have to step out away from the frontline then so be it.
Hi Bman
Sorry you woke covered in cuts and bruises having come off your bike
This isn't down to the quit at all
I think it's down to having had to much to drink at the party and as you no longer smoke HOORAY you stayed right there and argued whereas before I'll bet you would have walked off and gone for a fag rather than argue
There is still no reason you can't walk away you just can't have a fag and be honest you wouldn't really have felt any calmer before would you but you'd have got away from hassle
Love
Margxxx
Most things that we end up regretting saying are often said in haste. If i think a situation is beginning to get on my nerves and i absolutely have to answer, then i at least count to 5 before answering, more often than not i contemplate if its the right thing to say during that time.
... and as for the bike? fit stabilisers
haha - thankyou - ive watched 3 movies back to back and reading that was the first thing that made me laugh all day.
thankyou
jase chrissie marg - thankyou you are right.
normally i would have gone for a smoke. normally this would have sorted things out. normally my best mate and quitting partner would have done the same.
scary stuff. i think you are right. need to lay off the booze for a while.
detox is defo in order.
god, im gonna be a vegitarian buddist before long!
writing that has made me think. i think part of the process with quitting smoking is me having to let go of a hedonistic lifestyle and also the misquided teenage belief that getting messed up (junkie thinking again) = fun / cool / good time.
this is part of the reajustment i think. this is also why turning 30 has been a big part of being able to do it this time.
kind of like some stupid belief that being 30 means its ok not to be crazy and mash up my self and life anymore.
however its still happening, even without the smoking so its time for some big detox (as you rightly suggest) and a bit of a hard think about what the heck it is I want out of all this living lark.
thanks for support as always.
i think i may have folded by now if it wasnt for you all and this forum - thats a great gift to give to someone - thankyou.
Hi Bman
I'm so glad you feel better today than you did yesterday and now understand the need to sometimes just walk away even though you no longer smoke
Sounds like a detox could be a good idea but you don't need to give up entirely on having a drink with your mates just try and limit how much you have and walk away from arguments sometimes
Love
Marg xx
Bman,
I won't even begin to describe the lifestyle i was living at 30 years old, all i will say is that when you say 'off your face', i thought of that expression as meaning so much more than beer/spirits if i'd applied that to myself when i was 30.
I gave up all of that bit by bit... and i've never regretted doing so, but nicotine by bar for me has been the only thing that has presented me any barriers to actually get past, in fact everything else has been easy in comparison.
Its why i get the greatest feeling of achievement by kicking this nicotine addiction, and why i will continue to do so with purpose from here-on-out.
I still however like the odd glass of wine or two/three but i set my limits now and stick to them. Its a bit of a giggle, but i don't plan to spend my life living like a total monk just yet... after all, they do have meed surely?
Have fun, just know your limits.
day 27
well well well...
it turns out that all these bruises and cuts are not just from the bike.
something happened that has never happened before- me and my best mate had a fight.
yes i did fall of the bike as well, the marks are there on my coat to prove it,
but the bruises and cuts are a harsh reality.
they have been with me for 3 days.
ive tried to chill it out. get a grip, but this need to smoke just following me everywhere i look when i have a beer.
now i say have a beer, but i thought that my smoking and drinking habits where hand in hand. that they definately complimented, if not , made me do more of each... god my command of the english language is slipping here!
ok so...
lets get straight. ive quit smoking. i feel like its been easy and great. now the hard part seems to have kicked in. i seemed to have drunk more to make up for the quitting. fallen out with more people and now how this continuous nagging about the smoking.
its not really a nagging more like i need to breath properly - breath in - breath some nicotine. - nah. - its that light headed affect. the im never gonna be able to sit and have a beer and be cool affect.
telll me this goes right?
paleeezze?!
This is not going to last bman...... continue to break all associations with smoking...... for me it was coffee and a fag, so I stopped drinking coffee.... for you it may be best to hold of the drinking for a bit..... the reason you feel like you can not sit, have a beer and be cool is because the association with smoking is still so fresh.... give it time and be patient with yourself.... we smoked for a long time and it takes some time for our brain to re-learn.....
Best to have a talk with your mate maybe? I think that would make you feel better..... maybe even saying sorry?
Whatever you do, don't ever doubt that stopping smoking was the best decision..... it just takes time! Hang in there.... it gets much easier 
the big problem
hey bella jase marg et al
yep talked to my mate.
well. it gets worse. it turns out that these injuries werent totally from the bike.
me and my best mate had a good old fasioned scrap on the floor of a 4th floor apartment block right infront of some good and honest muslims just beginning ramadam feast.
what a bunch of inconsiderate fkwits. unbelievable. they had to come out and display thier anger at us rolling around on the floor outside thier front door, smashing 7 shades out of each other and told us that they were trying to celebrate the holiest of festivals and would we mind getting the hell out of their lives.
what bstards we were. anyway ... shame aside. we have made it up. neither of us can quite believe what has happened and we are both bloody ashamed of our selves.
niether of us have been able to eat a proper meal for a few days for the state of our jaws.
rediculous behaviour. fking idiots.
anyway.
the important point is that i havent smoked.
but the big problem since is that I have gotten the "perma wanna smoke syndrome"
yous who have been this far know what im talking about.
it just follows you. godddamit. it doesnt get stronger or doing anything to push you over the edge. it just is always there.
perma tease.
thats driving me crazy.....
You know your friend well, buy him a present and a card that says sorry too. Its not un-macho to say sorry.. its never wrong to be the one making the first move either. I doubt there is many folk who would be angry with someone wielding an 'i'm sorry pressie'
I second what bellablue says about breaking the association you have with smoking, but most of all the strong bonds you yes.. YOU have created for it. The battle you're facing here is not with the cigs, its with yourself now. Probably has been all along so far. You are struggling to come to terms with one simple fact.. you no longer smoke.
I wish i could say i loved smoking and that i agreed with you about the perma 'i wanna smoke' thing, but its not happening like that for me.
How much do you want to stay quit though Bman? You're constant turmoil over smoking and the links to it seem still very very strong for you.. are you still seeing it in the respect that you made a sacrifice by giving up smoking... or did you quit smoking because your desire to be free of the addiction outweighed any of the fake benefits that smoking gave?
Ok Bman, just for an exercise, make a list of all the reasons you have for 'wanting to smoke'.. get them in a reply here.. (eg, it relieves boredom, all my friends are smoking, boosts my confidence... anything like that)..
I'm just interested to see what it is that is luring you so hard right now. when you've made the list, think about each one and consider 'does it really achieve that?'.. or have i believed the illusion so much that i've not considered it might be doing the opposite?
As always bman, i care enough to put you through a few hoops here, but right now you've some work to do on those bonds to smoking and to understand it will be way better than just clear avoidance.
hey jase - thanks btw.
there arent any reasons. mainly cos i dont want to smoke. i just have that junkie thing going on where i just want a hit of something. i have that big hole - loss thing going on.
and yep its the battle with myself. it always has been. but thats the point of smoking - it has created that deseased gap and need and now its gonna take some life readustment and filling in to fill the gaps its created.
i think ive been going crazy on the beer trying to fill the gap.
wierd.
goddam it. its all illusion i know that. but its quite powerful at the moment.
thought it was supposed to get easier now. - maybe i should get back on the champix for a bit?
to be honest. its the psychology of it all that needs a big boost i think.
or maybe it just takes time to fill that gap. need to meet a nice young lady i think. its definately on the cards a hell of a lot more than it was 27 days ago when i was smoking based on last nights going.
gotta stick with this.
no matter what it takes.
I'm pretty sure the turmoil would only be temporary, your not meant to suddenly just wake up one morning and not feel anything.
There are some who will say 'there's simply nothing to give up', but every one of us has had experience of a craving even if its just a bit of a gut-wrenching feeling (like i get). Theres folk much further in their quit probably looking at us right now and thinking.. 'hehe.. wait til they get that day when they wake up and they just don't feel any of that any more'.. and they are right, we will, sure its taking a while for you bman.. but look at the forum your posting in..
Week 4/Month 1.. would it be right to just presume that just because we've got through the dreaded week 3 that week 4 will just mean it all goes away? Nah, well you know what they say? 'when the going gets tough, the tough get going!' If you're gonna be challenged this week.. the meet that challenge, and come through it.. stop knocking yourself out in the trying, and just rise above the problem itself. You are bigger than the problem you are trying to overcome.. its that simple. You are certainly worth more than to be a slave to it thats for sure.
When you take a really good breathe of real decent fresh air.. not the smoggy inner-city, or town air.. but a bit of the good old fresh stuff from the countryside.. to breathe that and not then poison it 5 minutes later with a smoke is by far one of the best things you can do.. and continue to do.
So be strong bman, i know it can be tough, but it does get better and a whole lot more so. Look after yourself.
MMM, I get it- Likewise.
The hole and the empty feeling and the need for a hit of something, that just passes after a while for me though.The first coupla days , even with a patch, I'm drinking redbull (yuck) swallowing co-codamols, eating chocolate, when i first gave up i borrowed someones old valiums. (only a few times, i hasten to add)
Then it gets easier for me. But the booze, stress thing won't go away and then i smoke , and i keep on smoking, I can't stop. It's an addiction- and you have to keep choosing not to do it every day- and then at some point (when?) it will become just some thing you used to do.But if you have one you'll be a smoker again (like me at the moment) Do you want to be a smoker again? you can't just have one- you have to have the whole lot.
A non smoking friend of mine said "If you want to stop smoking, just don't f**in smoke" we know it's not that easy, but if you get the craving, think do i really want to go back to 40 a day? Trust me, if you had one, you'd be beating yourself up, even if it was slightly nice for two minutes, which it probably wouldn't be!
Hey bman and jude,
most of us have walked around with this empty feeling and the "perma wanna smoke syndrome"...... it's normal for most! The thing to remember is that is does PASS. It really does after some time.... then it happens once a day, the once a week... etc.
It is also very normal to replace it with something (one can not take something away without replacing it) I drank every night when I quit..... only wine but truly around month 4 I though.... what the heck, am I gonna be an alcoholic now?!! Well it passed..... my extra pounds slowly came off, I stopped snacking on crap, and no longer chewing 100 pieces of gum a day..... even drinking coffee again..... I am telling you this because I had the same difficult time as you are having. You can push through it all and come out very happy and content..... just stick with it.
onwards and upwards - or just onwards fine right now
thanks jase - it is taking a while but then this is the longest ive ever not smoked for in 16 years so its never going to be a walk in the park. Its odd, i just keep thinking that its getting better and then BAM, it smacks you in the face and you feel the foundations shake, like those films where the earthquake hits.
but i think this quit is built on strong ground. You just need to be reminded of that sometimes which is why this forum is just so invaluable. when those thoughts and weaknesses start kicking in you get picked up and pointed back in the right direction by people like yourself and the other good folk on here.
its like being a hamster in one of those balls that they roll around in to get excercise. sometimes you get stuck in a corner and then you guys pick me up in the ball and set me back in the right direction to roll on!
strange ****aogy but you know what i mean 
bella - "what the heck, am I gonna be an alcoholic now?!! "
its good to hear that i'm not the only one whos going through this and that you have been there and survived and come out shining - i have been starting to think that im swapping one problem for another but i think it will calm down in time. Right now im just trying to be a bit forgiving with myself. the key is that I dont smoke. no matter what. and if theres a bit of fall out from too much booze, well so be it.
I might try the suggestion that someone else had recently of changing my drink of choice for a bit. stay off the larger and try drinking Guiness or something. That should slow me down a bit i think cos its so thick.
the dreams are still coming think and fast but im only 1 evening and 1 day away from week 5 and tuesday will be start of month 2. which is incredible. I never thought in my heart i could do it, but I AM doing it... together we are all doing it.
ChrissieV - just seen your reply to wanting to do the everest thing as well. Thanks for reminding me of that. I really really really want to look back on my life when im old and know that I quit smoking when I was thirty and 5 years later through trainging and presistance and hard work I was then able to try and climb to the top of the world. It doesnt even matter if I made it to the top or not. The success would be in having given my self the opportunity to do that and many other great things by quitting smoking and giving myself my health and power back.
if i do make it though, im gonna take a banner with nosmokingday.com on it as a tribute to one and all on here.
imagine how great that would be.
That would indeed be great!
its like being a hamster in one of those balls that they roll around in to get excercise. sometimes you get stuck in a corner and then you guys pick me up in the ball and set me back in the right direction to roll on!
It beats being picked up in that ball and then floated in a bath.. suddenly the airholes become a concern (Somebody rescue the hamster diving team )
well done bman, aww you sound in a bit of a upset at the mo, just stop & think of every reason why you dont want to smoke n keep hold of it
& remember the thought of smoking is much more in youre head then actually smoking....stop the beer for a bit, you will do this youre already doing it xxx
I'd just look at it this way.. your rewiring is just taking a while. Getting used to it bit by bit, feelings can change by the day at the moment anyway, give it time, and definitely concentrate on the things that make you happy at the moment.
Week 5
wow - that surely does sound good.
having some insane battles with the way im feeling at the moment. hopefully these will end soon - i am continually amazed by the extent of the changes in the physiology of all this quitting malarky.
i really thought that it was mostly all over after the first few weeks but im still getting loads of symptoms maybe less frequently though.
i think that I didnt realise that when i quit the champix, i still had quite a lot of the work still to do. Mentally.
also my brain has now spent a week ajusting to having nothing, I think the champix was amazing but i think it has been harder coming off it than i thought it would be.
from what I have read everywhere, it should have started to get better around week 3 well, maybe im expecting too much too soon.
lets hope this will be the week that it turns a corner for me.
and that month mark is only just round the corner
wow - that surely does sound good.
having some insane battles with the way im feeling at the moment. hopefully these will end soon - i am continually amazed by the extent of the changes in the physiology of all this quitting malarky.
i really thought that it was mostly all over after the first few weeks but im still getting loads of symptoms maybe less frequently though.
i think that I didnt realise that when i quit the champix, i still had quite a lot of the work still to do. Mentally.
also my brain has now spent a week ajusting to having nothing, I think the champix was amazing but i think it has been harder coming off it than i thought it would be.
from what I have read everywhere, it should have started to get better around week 3 well, maybe im expecting too much too soon.
lets hope this will be the week that it turns a corner for me.
and that month mark is only just round the corner
Bman
Deep slow breaths, it does get easier, good luck. At least you're free and clear of everything. Now it the re-adjustment and remember that's what your body is doing!
thanks MAH - just been for a small run and its done me the world of good. Makes you breath deep, running!
Ive waited 3 weeks to hope the injury in my leg got better the injury is not totally sorted itself out yet. but it has done me the world of good anyway. and i know that its not as bad as it was.
its kinda feeling like a quit within a quit at the moment.
still feeling very happy to have quit for 4 whole weeks now. its seems a bit like a dream. like you know that you are doing something but you cant quite believe its you doing it.
kind of like that first ever date with someone you are really into. or that moment after youve passed your driving test and your driving along and you realise its you on your own and your doing just fine.
cant wait for my leg to be better.
Hi Bman
Week 5 that's great well done Big Hug for you
Sorry to hear though that you're still having such a hard time at the moment but you're definitely getting there keep it going
Have a read of the bottom link in my signature there's a bit there about the psychological part of quitting that I think will help you you'll have to scroll down a fair way though to find it
It will get better Promise we're not all the same though so it takes some of us longer to adjust than others
Remember you smoked for a long time but you no longer smoke and that's GOOD
Love
Marg xx
