I have been absent for a bit and it doesn't take much to add up that 2 and 2 equals a flat on the floor facefall in the battle against smoking! So shamefaced have I been, that I could not bring myself to own up and instead have covertly been peeking on the forum to beat myself up with the successes of others and to question myself some more on why I'm not up there with the strugglers and achievers.
I was horrified the other day to read some ruckus and some unconstructive feedback thrown in the direction of Caz and for about ten minutes felt self validated and thought that maybe my absence was for the best and I'd make it permanent. But then I thought about Caz, who offered me her words of support not too long ago and who has bravely posted her trip-ups and struggles and so I figured that I'd do better to be like her and proceed regardless. If this process was to culminate in immediate success, none of us would really be here.
And this process is difficult! I'm researched up to the eyeballs and have theorised to the point of writing a book myself, unfortunately on an action level I struggle to the point of despair. If this were strictly academic I'd be doing great. My attachments are less physical and more emotional and psychological as I'm sure that many of you will find... all of my stumbles are on account of the thoughts in my head and stilling that voice is far more difficult than actually refusing not to smoke.
This forum has become a lifeline, often listening to someone else's voice gives a welcome relief from hearing our own and sometimes some of what we hear back is not very likeable or possibly even helpful. I felt a great deal for Caz in the face of inconceivable criticism, it made me want to burst forth in defense of her because she's supported me and I wanted to support her right back. Then I thought that maybe incidents such as these are not so bad as they seem, they encourage us to protect ourselves (though sometimes its the things we say to ourselves that we need the most protection from) and in realising we are worthy of protection, we arm ourselves some more against the real threat - smoking and the reason we're here. I've no doubt that if one person challenges us, the army of supporters we've built becomes stronger around us.
Anyway, what do I want to say? Thank you Caz... if it weren't for you I'd be hiding out somewhere still. I support you and I admire you for sharing your struggles. Even on a forum such as this, not everyone will see eye to eye, it's human nature and if you're like me you'll find it easier to look at the negatives and not realise that the positives get stronger with every knock. Keep going and don't give up!
Well that's my essay over :rolleyes:, my thanks to anyone who perservered with it x
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nsd_user663_4910
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Welcome back and the very very best of luck with this attempt
I tried the secret smoker thing last time i quit, i was sussed from the first day, but I didn't own up to it til over a week later.
Knowing what i know now though, i will never be one again, nor will I allow a single smoke back into my life. I won't so much as even tough a cigarette, i have no interest in how they smell, what they look like.. or taste like.
I've begun to see what i always knew before i even smoked 15+ years ago, i can live my life just fine without them, in fact, i can live my life much better without them, and i wouldn't give up what i've gained so far for anything.
So good luck to you, not that luck should be involved in anyway, but i do wish you the strength and will and resolve to get you to your goal.
Keep at it, and remember the reasons why you want to give up, and what made you buckle in the first place?
This is how I got past my first week. I remember reading that a Heroin addict giving up Heroin is 100 times more difficult than fags, or our pain is 1/100 of a Heroin addict.
Then I thought that most of us are probably of the opinion that these Heroin addicts are a scurge on society and we all at some point have watched a program and thought "what a loser, get off the dugs".
After that, I thought "well, if thats our uncaring attitude to a heroin addict, and we all expect them to be able to give up at the click of a finger, and our pain is 100 times less than that of a Heroin addict, then am I not a pot calling a kettle black?"
So really, thats one of the ways I think about it.
Another option might be this Champix? I've not researched it myself, but others seem to have good results on it.
It is wonderful to feel supported even though I'm back at contemplation stage and it's reassuring to know that support isn't just for those suceeding (something I sadly tell myself but hope isn't true).
I've got my new quit date in my sights and will never give up until I've given up! I'm determined to be a fully paid up member of this group and will be the one who will one day say "Ooooh, I quit nigh on a hundred times before I got there in the end..." Feels like I'm a horrible act to follow right now but on I go...
Ironically quitting smoking isn't my only nut to crack or crack to fix and I figure my "failure" is purely on account of trying to fix so many things at once, all situational triggers for smoking too it seems. That mountain looks pretty high and comes equipped with an equal sized mountain of self-help books on how to tackle x, y and z. Why can't these things be staggered? One at a time I beg but alas, the fags will have to go before that happy stage of saying, "ah tis only one little thing to go...".
Keep crossing those fingers and I must remember to temporarily amend that darn signature of mine :eek:
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