I have been trapped in the quit fail quit fail cycle for over a year and a half now and have hit the point of feeling quite desperate. Ironically several years ago I quit a 40+ a day habit for years and stumbled back entirely by accident and through poor judgement. Although I only smoke about 13 a day (because except for a couple of confidante's I'm a secret smoker and never do it in public), getting back on track and remembering my non-smoking days is becoming increasingly more difficult. I over think things and smoking has become my biggest obsession eating up my time, money and sanity (it would seem). I constantly berate myself over an addiction I hate and yet I can't seem to bring myself to let it go. It's like an abusive relationship, you know it's wrong but can't bring yourself to leave. Right now I'm planning my latest attempt to kick it for good, hopefully without the overwhelming pressure I put myself under and the over ****ysing that goes with it. I really want to regain control of my life and to suceed once and for all.