I'm seriously close to toppling off the edge...think I need a bit of a rollocking!

Hi all, Team Monkey Barstewards!

Right this is the deal....Just passed (ish) the 6 month mark, and am having a bad time, somehow I've convinced myself that I'm allowed to smoke if I've had a drink, I don't mean the odd glass of wine at dinner, I mean if it's a party night or similar, you know..a late night/weekend...I think I'm pretending that I can be a social smoker...deep down I know I can't, I'm an addict! It's totally doing my head in, I've been doing this for about 6 weeks now and probably in total smoked about 40 cigarettes (maximum), you know the odd puff here and there, one off a friend etc etc, my quitcounter on the PC dosen't help either, I know the 40 cigarettes is bad, really bad but it seems ok when quitcounter tells me that i've not smoked 2700+ since I gave up, I think hey 40 is nothing compared to what it would have been. I just seem to have run out of willpower completely, I've tried so so hard and I don't want this to be the beginning of the end. Giving up was not easy, i'm still overweight, I have to go to the gym now, still have rubbishy sleep, and I swear, this is going to sound crazy, but I feel sadder as a person, does that make sense? Nicotine really does play with your mind, I find myself thinking that I was definitely happier as a smoker, was I??? What do I do???!

I've posted this on the 6 month board as I don't want to be negative to newbies, if any newbies are reading this, firstly, sorry but please learn from this to never let your guard down and you really have made the right decision to quit.

Well done to everyone xx

PS. One positive, my friend has given up 6 weeks ago:), he was 40+ a day and I never thought he'd give up, but get this...he saw how easy I made it look...if only! How silly did I feel when he saw me with a cigarette in my hand last weekend :(

8 Replies

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  • I stopped for 2 years and got to that stage where i thought i was happier smoking but i could honestly say it passes and after a year (which seems like a long time) i was definitely back to feeling 'normal'. However i started again due to very drunken nights out and the odd fag, this went on for months until i was going to the pub for a fag not a drink.

    Stop now while u are ahead!!

    PS: Im going try and stop again on sat...lol

  • Hi,

    I think the fact that you have felt the need to post on here says it all. If you were that type of in control social smoker we addicts all wish we could be then you would be happily sipping a nice cup of tea not worrying about the fags. You've posted and confessed, which I shake your hand for. Its your choice though, which path you choose. I've tried and failed the social smoker route before. For me, the never take another puff is the only way I can do it. But only you can make that choice. Life, or living as an addict. I have my fingers crossed you go for the first, but either way, its not for me to judge and I wish you very well. xxx

  • Hi Givingupforgood

    Oh dear I think you're in trouble here with the odd one here and there which have added up to 40 in just 6 weeks and that's bad

    If you were happier as a smoker why did you quit in the first place and I'll bet the answer was you weren't happy or you wouldn't have stopped when you did

    Stop it right now you know you're only making excuses to smoke there is no good reason for smoking not one and you know this

    If you don't you'll be right back at the beginning again and in a few weeks you'll want to quit again with all the pain you know that can bring with it

    Deep down you don't want to have to start again or you wouldn't be here asking for help would you?? No you'd be going your own way and smoking not here asking for help which you know we'll all gladly give you

    Kick those sneaky b........d Nico :eek: Demons into touch as you did before you know you can do it so just prove to yourself that you still can

    I don't mean to sound harsh but you asked for help with this and said you needed a rollicking so consider yourself rollocked and stop this odd one now and then right now no ifs,buts or maybes and not tomorrow or next week but RIGHT NOW this minute

    Love

    Marg xxxxxxxxxxx

  • Hey, long time no see GUFG.

    I don't know how to answer this really, I think from your post that it's obvious to you that you need to stop this as it's getting (gotten?) out of control.

    An awful lot of quitters fall for the "I can smoke one now and again" trick, which most of the time leads to a full on re-establishment of your addiction.

    We have to face facts, all of us. We are nicotine addicts. And we always will be. Abstaining addicts, but addicts none the less. Most of us simply cannot have the odd one, there are very few who can - it is only safe to never have a puff. Ever again.

    I, like you, made a decision - for me it was 10 months ago - that I didn't want to smoke anymore. Period.

    I, like you, spent a lot of time preparing to quit and invested a lot of time strengthening my resolve and therefore my quit.

    I still trust 100% the decision I made - I wouldn't have made the decision to stop without good reason, would I?

    Would you?

    I am not willing to probably throw away my quit, having invested so much in it... just because I remember being happy smoking some time ago. I quit because I was unhappy as a smoker, not because I was happy. I remember being happy because I am an addict.

    It is simply a false memory. Do you remember how sad you felt when you smoked full time? I do.

    I felt ill. I was pale, unwilling (maybe even unable) to excercise, I lacked energy, I was very unhappy. I hated myself for being such a slave to my addiction that I would go outside for a smoke even before I greeted my 2 year old boy in the morning.

    My addiction to nicotine controlled me in just about everyway - and I hated it.

    Thats why I made my decision - not one more puff.

    I still stand by that.

    You CAN regain control - treat everyday as day 1. Remember the attitude? Do anything you need to do to keep control.... just don't smoke.

  • ...

    I've posted this on the 6 month board as I don't want to be negative to newbies, if any newbies are reading this, firstly, sorry but please learn from this to never let your guard down and you really have made the right decision to quit.

    You kind of answered your own questions throughout your post didn't you. As one of the 'newbies' , yes I know I have made the right decision. It's the same decision you yourself made. As addicts, we can excuse ourselves pretty much anything in the name of addiction. To think you can be somehow a part time addict, (...and forgive my bluntness, it's late) seems just plain dillusional to me. You're kidding yourself.

    Don't throw it away. At this point you're still winning. Keep it that way! Good luck.

  • Thankyou everyone,

    I really need to get a grip of the situation, I know that it's completely immpossible for me to become a social smoker, it would not work at all, I'd be back to 20+ a day in no time. I think I just needed to become familiar again with the 'quitting mindset' and get back to thinking how I did a few months ago. That's why I came on here, I needed to fess up as well and admit it. I feel guilty now, and to be honest, stupid! When I read these posts, they really do help, thankyou again.

    Well, looks like you might be seeing a bit more of me on here!:)

  • Hi Givingupforgood :D

    You're not the first to slip and you won't be the last either

    As you say you fessed up and now feel guilty and stupid but have learnt in the process that you can't be a social smoker, not many of us could be I know I couldn't be one

    Put it behind you now and get back to the quit you know the best way to get the mindset right again read, read and then read some more just as you did before

    I look forward to seeing you on here more often and remember to yell if you need help or support you know we're all here for you

    Love

    Marg xxxxxxx

  • hi givingupforgood,

    A fellow monkey barsteward here, sorry ive not replied sooner but dont get on here as much as i used to. I dont think there's many of us left, unless like me they dont come on much.

    You made the correct choice to stop throwing your money away, to stop smelling like ashtrays and to basically stop killing yourself...... and wow how well have you done:D

    ok so you slipped up, give yourself the rollocking, when you look at mates smoking instead of thinking" oh you lucky ba****d" ( which i think we all do sometimes) just put the un infront of lucky cos your free, you no longer have to leave the conversation in the pub to stand in the pouring rain, or when your at work thinking oh god when am i gunna be able to get a smoke in, cos if you don't your username is gunna look a bit daft ;)

    I also struggled with the weight problem, I put on 2 stone in the first few months, so I bought a racing bike, i now cycle 40ish miles a day( work permitting ). I have lost a stone of the extra weight and because I burn so many calories I am eating what I want.

    I am now training to do a 250 mile cycle in 4 days, I can only do that cos of not smoking.

    so stick with it and see you on the year thread pretty soon :D

    billy

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