Today is the first day of week 4. I am SO glad I got here, I've been really worried I'd mess it up again. You see, the first time I tried to quit, in 2004, I did it. I went 16 months then a horrid life thing whacked me between the eyes so i decided to smoke again cos I was feeling sorry for myself.
Since then, I've tried to quit a few times, even managed a couple of months but no go. So I can find myself thinking "so what's different this time"? Well, I managed to find some stuff I'd written during my previous 2 month quit in 2007, and I can spot the difference right away:
In 2007, i thought I'd be OK if I sneaked a few cigs here and there. I refused to treat having a few puffs as anything serious. It only took 3 or 4 over a couple of weekends for me to start having 1 or 2 every day, then before I knew it I was back on 20 a day.
So this time - NEVER TAKE ANOTHER PUFF!
It's been tough cos although I dont' get any physical cravings at all, there are a lot of physcological ones. I hate housework (who doesn't! ) and used to have a smoke as a way to reward myself for getting it done. You know, "oh I'll wash up then I'll smoke. After that I'll clean the living room then I'll smoke". Those "rewards" are no longer there. I miss them. I've been overeting a bit but that just makes me feel sick, so I went food shopping yesterday and bought healthier food than the junk I've been eating of late - pasta, beans, salads, veggies. I want to get back to eating proper meals instead of this constant grazing, which annoys me cos I never get hungry enough to enjoy a meal.
I had a touch of quit flu yesterday too, sneezing, sore throat, feeling ultra tired. I couldn't get out to ride on my bike, so felt really down. But then I remembered that if I were to continue to smoke, there would come a day pretty soon when I wouldn't be able to ride my bike AT ALL, possibly NEVER again. So, put like that, a day of quit flu is a good deal.
I don't want to smoke again. I want SOMETHING, but I've found it's not food either. I do feel like I'm missing something but I'm hoping that feeling will just go away and I'm determined I will NOT bring back the smokes. Here's to the next 4 weeks