Starting week 4 - hurrah!

Today is the first day of week 4. I am SO glad I got here, I've been really worried I'd mess it up again. You see, the first time I tried to quit, in 2004, I did it. I went 16 months then a horrid life thing whacked me between the eyes so i decided to smoke again cos I was feeling sorry for myself.

Since then, I've tried to quit a few times, even managed a couple of months but no go. So I can find myself thinking "so what's different this time"? Well, I managed to find some stuff I'd written during my previous 2 month quit in 2007, and I can spot the difference right away:

In 2007, i thought I'd be OK if I sneaked a few cigs here and there. I refused to treat having a few puffs as anything serious. It only took 3 or 4 over a couple of weekends for me to start having 1 or 2 every day, then before I knew it I was back on 20 a day.

So this time - NEVER TAKE ANOTHER PUFF!

It's been tough cos although I dont' get any physical cravings at all, there are a lot of physcological ones. I hate housework (who doesn't! :) ) and used to have a smoke as a way to reward myself for getting it done. You know, "oh I'll wash up then I'll smoke. After that I'll clean the living room then I'll smoke". Those "rewards" are no longer there. I miss them. I've been overeting a bit but that just makes me feel sick, so I went food shopping yesterday and bought healthier food than the junk I've been eating of late - pasta, beans, salads, veggies. I want to get back to eating proper meals instead of this constant grazing, which annoys me cos I never get hungry enough to enjoy a meal.

I had a touch of quit flu yesterday too, sneezing, sore throat, feeling ultra tired. I couldn't get out to ride on my bike, so felt really down. But then I remembered that if I were to continue to smoke, there would come a day pretty soon when I wouldn't be able to ride my bike AT ALL, possibly NEVER again. So, put like that, a day of quit flu is a good deal.

I don't want to smoke again. I want SOMETHING, but I've found it's not food either. I do feel like I'm missing something but I'm hoping that feeling will just go away and I'm determined I will NOT bring back the smokes. Here's to the next 4 weeks :)

11 Replies

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  • Hi Jen :D

    Well done starting week 4 is great Big Hug

    That's a great post as well and can understand the something is missing but like everything else it will pass

    I no longer feel that way and instead wonder why I everwasted so many years on smoking lofe is so much better without it

    Sorry you had quit flu yesterday and unable to ride the bike but as you say it would be worse if you couldn't ride it at all

    Hope you feel better today

    Love

    Marg xxxxxxx

  • That post was wicked.i an relate so much to those feelings your having!

    i really miss those rewards aswell:mad:

    how about getting yourself super fit again?

    not just the odd bike ride but really go for it.

    thats what i've decided to do...

    seeing the results in the mirror will make you happier.

    my goal is to join these cycling events around the UK!

    really looking forward to it!

    bike-events.com/

    love

    jamie

    xxxxxxxxxxxx

  • woo hoo thanks all ... just come back from a 22 mile bike ride, feeling pretty good :)

    Jamie - if you fancy doing any of those events let me know, i'm signed up for the London to Eastbourne on July 26th (Big Red Ride for British Cross) then was thinking of having August off then doing one at the end of September. If you fancy some company give me a shout. Oh, I'm on holipops mid Sept, apart from that free :)

    Chrissie - I hope I never catch you up in the not smoking lenght of time. You keep going, I'll be behind you but not far :)

    Marg - thank you for saying that the "missing something" feeling goes. it's really annoying, so I'm looking forward to it disappaearing.

    OK, off to enjoy the sun and a pub lunch now ... maybe a cider. There will be 3 smokers in the group, but I think I can handle it now. I know one of those 3 desparately wants to give up too.

  • Had a relapse

    Bad news ... relapsed last night, had 2 puffs on a roll up. The first one I took gingerly, the second took a full drag and it made me cough a lot.

    I did quite enjoy these 2 puffs, but I know that I can have no more as I would not be able to stop myself, and I'd be back on the fags in no time.

    I'm really disappointed in myself. I worry that I've put myself back. I now face a decision. To smoke or not. I choose not. This will be easier when hubbie gives up, it's seeing him smoke that makes it all so much harder. In fact, watching ANYONE smoke, and yesterday I was in a pub garden surrounded by smokers. No wonder I had problems!!!!!

    Ho hum, at least I have learned something - do not even LOOK at a smoker for now. I just want to pretend smoking doesn't exist at all.

  • Hi Chrissie

    yes please send those guys round to beat up my ex, Mr Rollups

    spent most of today feeling pretty down. Gonna make some ice cream tonight, watch a weepie film and let it all out.

  • missed this, sorry! How are now re your relapse? I see you were a previous secret smoking just one wont hurt, quit type, just like me. Glad you confessed to the two drags but concerned you enjoyed it. I suspect it was the nicotine hit you enjoyed, not the fag. My husband continued to smoke after I quit and although it is hard it is manageble. You need to get your head around the fact that you are being deprived of nothing. Its a rubbish addiction. Even one puff is never going to work. Anyway, maybe you need to have another read of some the woofmang tales. The fear one is a good one for reaffirming your quit. Good luck x

  • Quick update - I'm still quit. Yes I had 2 puffs but I KNOW that I cannot stick at that. If I thought it was possible to just have the odd one now and then I would, but I KNOW I cannot do that. I KNOW I am a recovering addict and that for me, smoking is all or nothing. I choose nothing.

    And nothing is what it feels like. Maybe I'm going through a mourning period. I'm crying really easlily. I do feel like I'm losing something, when in fact I am gaining something. I'm looking too much at the negatives and not enough at the positives. But right now I just want to sit in my pity party, wailing in my wet nappy. I want to feel sorry for myself. I want to hit bottom emotionally before I can come up again. If the bottoming out goes on for weeks I'll go see my GP, otherwise I think this will pass.

    Before I quit smoking I did feel something in my life wasn't quite right. Quitting became a really good distraction from working out what was making me feel out of sorts. Maybe now is the time to work that one out. I won't be using it as an excuse to go back to smoking. I don't want to be a smoker.

    I made coconut ice cream last night ... it was heavenly! And I know I can taste so much more of it that I would have done as a smoker.

    I would also like to say thank you to everyone here too, it's SO NICE to have people on hand who know what it's like. The encouragement really helps too. I will spend some more time reading the woofmang posts, and my own posts. Some re-enforcement needed that I did wake up 4 weeks ago and think "I am so sick and tired of smoking". If I were to go back to smoking I'd soon feel like that again.

    So I am staying quit. Nicotine will not beat me.

  • Hi Jen :D

    Well done deciding to stay quit, something I'm sure you'll never regret

    Being emotional is normal for a lot of us, I think it's a bit like grieving for some

    As you said do some reading to get your mind set right and then it really is easy from there on

    Also as you said use this time to sort out the other things in your life that trouble you just now and get it all out of the way while you're down anyway then the only way is upwards

    Love

    Marg xxxxxxxxx

  • Good for you! Crying is indeed normal. As is wallowing a bit, though I ended up boring myself with my wallowing in the end! Just make sure that the negative rock bottom does not entice you back to a smoking solution. In my experience its gaining the mindset that you are better off not smoking than you are smoking. In the earlier days I would stop when a craving hit, post on here and ask myself, what would a fag achieve. What better place would it take me to. Of course, the answer is back to stinking and killing yourself and hating yourself. Someone, I think it was trendy, kept a journal. Maybe that could be something you could try. Just to look back on and log your thoughts. Today I appear to believe I am sort of waffling advisor which is really not me. I must get out more........

  • Yo gen-your funny!:D

    well i am a bit nervous about meeting people i don't know.

    plus i am quite a quick biker-would you be able to keep up?:D

    hehe

    roll-ups a!:D

    also would you be smoking during the next bike race?:confused:

    love

    jamie

    xxxxxxxxx

  • Still quit, still quit :) :) :)

    Cravings are getting smaller, I KNOW they're not physical, it's really nice to know that NEED to smoke is gone.

    On Sunday it'll be 4 weeks quit, on the 7th one calendar month ... double celebrations coming up! I've noticed my sense of smell coming back now, I can smell perfume and flowers, lovely! (OK, other smells, like hubby's feet are not so welcome but hey)

    Just noticed on Saturday it's July 4th, American Independence Day. I'm going to have my own celebration of getting myself free, will treat myself to a long bike ride then coffee and cake at the local farm shop

    take care all

    JJ :)

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