1) My health - I suffer from panic attacks and general anxiety relating to my breathing - am I breathing properly?, is it too shallow?, am I getting enough oxygen?, there's no breeze and I feel too hot and I can't breath etc etc. It is SO dibilitating and smoking doesn't improve the situation AT ALL
2) Himself and The Boys - My very loving and supportive partner and my wonderful children should not ever ever ever have to be exposed to my smoke. I haven't smoked int he house since my 10 weeks old was born, but my 6 year old and my partner deserve the same treatment as well. They also should not have to see their mother/partner slowly damaging herself and speeding up the 'inevitable end'. I'm in no rush to go anywhere!
3) My general appearance and smell - I'm 25 years old on 18th of this month, I still look my age now - even after smoking since 12 years old, but how long will that continue? I don't want yellow/brown teeth and receded gums that are diseased. I also don't want to be one of those people where people can't stand to even be beside them in queues or on public transport because of the way I smell. I want nice pink, healthy looking skin, not grey/yellow and sallow..
4) Cost - My partner and I are currently trying to get some money saved for a deposit on our first home in around 5 years time (once the market has stabilised and this damn recession has hopefully leveled out) - it'd be nice to know I managed to put an extra thousand three hundred pounds per year into the kitty!! It'll certainly get us where we want to be faster..
5) My level of fitness - After 2 pregnancies and working in a si down job for the past 4 years I've never been very active.. My fitness level is practically ZERO and I get out of breath walking up a flight of stairs.. I've just joined an Aqua Aerobics club and will now be swimming for 2 hours per week adn then 2 hours of actual aqua aerobics. I have also purchased Wii Fit and currently have been doing 30-60 minutes per day - but it's no good if I hamper all of my good, positive progress by polluting my body, especially my lungs - which just aggravates reason #1.
All in all, I am just SICK of smoking, I absolutely HATE it. I HATE how it makes me feel, I'm sick of lying in bed at night and worrying about - I've actually cried over it because I am well aware of the IRREVERSIBLE damage I am doing and have already done to my lungs. My lungs have to last me my ENTIRE LIFE!!
I'm a smart girl!! Why I have done this for so so so long is way beyond me.
I'm not going to dwell on my bad choices for the past 13 years though - I'm going to concentrate on my very positive decision to quit and regain my general fitness.
I want to have at least one more child and I want to live long enough to see my grand children and hopefully great grand children and be in some sort of age appropriate reasonably fit state to be able to enjoy them fully..
I WISH with all of my heart I could turn back the clock, but I can't.. I have to cope and deal with whatever the consequences are and do what I can to improve the situation as it stands now.
I will NEVER smoke again, ever.