Ignored FMs

Hi there... I just thought I would verbalise this because its becoming incresingly pointless to post here... I have been a FM since the start of Jan... when I first joined the FMs were very friendly and responsive.... as time has gone on fewer people respond to my messages, there seems to be a culture of cliquey (sp?) groups who only encourage each other... you are not a member of MMQ or the Bar Stewards ( the only two I can think of off the top of my head so nothing personal to these two groups inparticular ) you are generally ignored... At present I can think of only ONE FM who replies to my posts ... and yet I am always polite and non-confrontational... I have even stayed away from recent trolling, choosing to ignore it...

Unless I am missing something, I don't understand this.. But, I know there is little point in posting on a forum where you are ignored!

Maybe its something to think about!!!!!!!!!!!

51 Replies

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  • Hi Vicki, I am sorry you feel like that. I have been here for just over a month now. I hope you won't let this put you off posting here as I am sure this would not be intentional. Certainly not from me. Well done with your quit. Love. Gaynor xx

  • Hi Vicki

    Maybe I'm missing something, but what's an FM ?

    Sure I haven't seen that term on here before.

    If by the cliquey groups you're referring to the small-ish group of people who tend to enjoy the Name That's .. well, they're open to all. It's people's choice if they want to join in or not.

    Cheers

    JimFM means forum members.... its a term widely known on the net.

    I referred the groups having a cliquey culture... and your post does not deal with the issue of the said groups ignoring other FMs who are not within the group... Also, these groups are not small-ish, there are 30 odd people in one of them...

    Also, I have NEVER perceived these groups to be open to all... you may be offended at my suggestion of a cliquey forum, but when you are persistently not responded to you start to question why!!

  • When I first gave up smoking, I used this site a lot.... and answered lots of posts from all different users

    We formed a group of people that quit about the same time MMQ's, These members are probably what you would call our quit buddies ??? and so we do offer support to one and other.

    I personally dont spend a lot of time on the site now, as,

    1. I work away all week,

    2. I dont feel the need to come on for support as often.

    Maybe I am selfish for not encouraging others, but feel there are other users on this site, that have more time to peruse the forums than I do and can offer more support

    My tuppence worth :cool:...

    Now ..... What is an "FM" :eek:

  • Fair enough. Thanks. New to me ...

    The groups (I assume) you refer to are simply people quitting in the same month as each other - as far as I know, there wasn't a group for December quitters - nor for October 08, my quit month.

    In that respect, those groups are not open to all - but only inasmuch as how the groups are defined.

    Edit: Check this thread - sometimes groups just don't happen through apathy, missing the boat or other reasons :

    nosmokingday.org.uk/forum/s...

    Some months there are groups formed, others not. It's natural there should be a lot of people in March, given that's No Smoking Day, so this site will get more <can't think of the word ... pokes, highlighting, advertising, whatever> than other months. please read my orginal post.... I don't care that there are groups within the forum... my concern is that people on the outside of the groups tend not to get the support because people support each other within the groups... you aren't addressing that issue your just nit picking at irrelevent points in my post... the purpose of this form is to support each other through the ups and downs of giving up smoking... to a degree these groups don't facilitate that!!!

  • Sorry you feel that way Vicki, having looked as the posts you have started there was only 1 that received few replies, on the 4th, everything else seems to have had quite a few. Unfortunately sometimes that the forum is quiet when people post then new posts are made and yours slips down the list, and gets few replies.

    Yes there are often people who get closer to other members and reply to anything they post but that's more being mates than a clique, IMHO.

    Some might say there isn't a problem but the fact you feel there is and felt you should post about it clearly means that, for you at least, there is. So keep posting and we'll try harder to be more supportive in the future :D

  • Hi, I too am sorry about that. However, some may say you only get out what you put in. I for instance, spent a lot of time supporting others in mar and april . Therefore they have gotten to know me. I do also support my group. We started at the same time and went throught the pain at the same time. Maybe you would get more back if you put more into it yourself and posted more support to others. Just a thought.

  • Hi vicky,

    Sorry you felt the nead to complain about not getting support.

    I joined in May and can honestly say that I have had great support from right across the board, however those of us who stopped smoking in May formed a group and we support each other cause we are going thru the same as each other.....if you see waht I mean, but we also support others a great deal, can I just say that there are a lot of us and it would be impossible to read and give support to everyone, unless of course you can sit at the comp all day. Hope your feeling a bit better now....maybe you were just having an off day........keep posting :)

    PS - why don't you try and start your own group for those who stopped smoking in Jan - just a thot xx

  • Hi Vicki :D

    I'm so sorry you feel this way about the forum in general

    I must admit that I don't find the forum cliquey in fact it seems to me a very friendly place just as much now as it always was

    I personally try hard not to ignore any other member and also try to reply to their posts whether they are part of a group or not incidently there was no group for November when I joined either but I have never ever felt I was ignored or left out in any way whatsoever

    I would even go so far as to suggest that you'd probably have to go a long way to beat this forum for friendliness as well as helpfulness

    Maybe as Fiona said you should try and put a little more into supporting others yourself

    Love

    Marg xxxxxxxxxxx

  • Sorry you feel that way. I have had support from all different months when I have posted and at the begining I suposse you do relate to people who are at the same stage as you. I have found as I am moving futher on and getting more confident that I am able to support better before that I dont think I could.

    Keep posting and I will look out for your posts :)

  • Hi, I too am sorry about that. However, some may say you only get out what you put in. I for instance, spent a lot of time supporting others in mar and april . Therefore they have gotten to know me. I do also support my group. We started at the same time and went throught the pain at the same time. Maybe you would get more back if you put more into it yourself and posted more support to others. Just a thought.I have posted twice this week Fiona... once was to let off steam about a stressful week... the other was to support someone who was suffering from burning lungs... your post implies I don't support anyone... when I had there has never been a direct response!!!

  • PMT Vicki? Well at least you haven't been ignored on this thread:D

  • PMT Vicki?

    Positive Mental Thoughts !!!!!

  • Hi Vicki,

    I stopped only one day after you. I dont think there are many of us december quitters, probably because alot of people wanted to get christmas out of the way before they stopped, or were planning on waiting until the new year. Anyway thats probably why we dont have a "club". Although I must say Ive found people on here to be very friendly and helpful to me since I stopped, even though they have mostly been from other quit times, maby a month or a few weeks before or after I stopped.

    Also in reply to your other post, sorry to hear about your nasty week, it must be heart wrenching to have to give up your doggies :(

    Ive also had a really bad week with a family member in hospial and a few other things and all I'll say is, what doesnt break you only makes you stronger.

    Good luck and stay strong !!

  • your post implies I don't support anyone... when I had there has never been a direct response!!!

    You post without expectations..... that is the point. It is not about what people reply to your support/responses..... you help others without wanting anything in return.... you just hope you make a slight difference in someone's life and help them through a tough time. That is the reward.... whether they reply or not. I checked your posts and you received responses to all of them.... so no idea what frustrates you....... pmt.... welcome girl. We can form a club for that and I will join as well.

  • Come on Vicki, how's it going today? I wish I knew what all this pmt stuff was, I could use it when I was on a downer then. Have you cheered up a bit love? David

  • I can't be bothered posting here again, the vast majority are just rude... Thanks to Margaret though, who is an example of how to behave on a chat forum... and thanks to the others who were at least polite even if they didn't feel I had a point.... as for the comment abouts about PMT, Well I would tell you where in my cycle if thought it was of any relevence!

  • Give over Vicki, I don't think anyone is being rude, and the pmt thing was mentioned by a woman anyway, and I'm sure that was just teasing. David xxx

  • oh well you try and hold out a friendly hand and that. :(

  • Hi Vicky

    I am not trying to cause an agument or have a row with you but I really think you're being over sensitive about this

    I have never found anyone on here to be rude in fact just the opposite I find they are invariably kind and helpful

    The PMT people here have mentioned stands for

    POSITIVE MENTAL THOUGHTS and not what you obviously think they meant

    I really hope you'll reconsider and return to the forum at some point

    Love

    Marg xxxxxxxxxx

  • I must admit this post has really upset me. I keep popping on hoping that she will say she got it wrong and that we are all ok. Dont think that is going to happen now. Know it shouldnt upset me but it has :confused:

  • Hi Vicky

    I am sorry you feel the way you do about the group. My understanding of group help is that we give out our understanding and share our story which in turn helps someone, and this helps us to heal and feel good about ourselves. The replies are a welcome, added bonus and I love them too.

    I hope you change your mind, you have been through a difficult time as well as stopping smoking. I am sure everyone will still be more than willing to support you.

    Jackie

  • I can't be bothered posting here again,

    Bye then - hope all goes well with your quit.

  • I've just a had a pm telling me that I'm a rude woman :eek:

    i356.photobucket.com/albums...

  • I'll bet you're all wondering what I replied. :p

    i356.photobucket.com/albums...

  • I've just a had a pm telling me that I'm a rude woman :

    When I was younger I loved rude women, can only manage one at a time now. David

  • Hehe - you really shouldn't be so rude Yvette!

    I can probably guess your reply - I just hope it wasn't rude!

  • I must admit this post has really upset me. I keep popping on hoping that she will say she got it wrong and that we are all ok. Dont think that is going to happen now. Know it shouldnt upset me but it has :confused:

    Hi Mel :D

    I know what you mean I kept popping on and off last night

    Then this morning I found that not coming on again post so guess maybe she means it, seemed to me that the PMT comments upset her and she got the wrong end of the stick but who knows

    Please don't let it upset you,I feel that most of us on here really are a friendly bunch who help each other as much as we can, but there will always be the odd one like this

    Love

    Marg xxxxxxxxx

    Hi Yvette

    I think I could make a fairly good guess at what you replied, but I may be wrong about that

    Love

    Marg xxxxxxxxxxxxx

  • To be honest not met anyone on here that hasnt been nice. It has always been a place I have felt I can go and air my feelings good or bad. Sometimes I get a lot of replies others not many but that isnt what I come on for. I feel I get help by posting and by reading other peoples posts. I dont feel overly confident to offer much advice yet but I do where I feel able.

    Hugs to everyone hope everything will settle down and get sorted out :cool:

  • Hi all,

    :eek:Not been on much as I have been decorating - I seem to have missed something!;)

    Vicki - please, please try and chill out now. You have made your point, people have responded positively and apologised for any upset caused.

    I have had nothing but support since I joined this forum.....from people at different stages of their quit. So I really do not see how anyone could say otherwise. Unfortunately, I think that some people are just very hyper sensitive and really cannot be placated whatever you do or say. Don’t let it upset you Mel x

    As for Yvette being rude – no way! - I think you were very restrained actually, as was everybody. I was tempted to say grow up and stop being so ridiculous – but then I am a bit short tempered at the moment :D

    Marg - I need to know how you manage to be so serene? I am like a bear with a sore head today! Day 12 for me and it is proving tough but I will be fine tomorrow!

    Speak soon you lovely friendly bunch of super supportive people!

    Josephine xx

    David....keep those jokes coming - they make me chuckle just when I need to!

  • Hi Mel :D

    Just continue ro come here to air your feelings good, bad or whatever you know we're always here to help if we can

    Love

    Marg xxxxxxxx

    Hi Josephine :D

    You're doing great so you have a lovely redecorated smoke free home well done, all by the time you got to day 12

    Me serene oh boy you should have heard me sometimes at the start of my quit I was anything but serene I promise somedays I was so bad I even frightened me

    Keep going you can do this and we'll always be here for you,for as long as you need us to be

    Love

    Marg xxxxxxxxxxx

  • I've just had another friendly pm :rolleyes:

  • you comment was not remotely funny... and just plain rude... why bother commenting if you have nothing constructive to say.

    rude woman!

    GET A LIFE

    My case in point!!!!

    GET A LIFE

    this it what I have writen and what I have received!!!! Yvette, you are now on ignore love!!

  • Woohoo AMEN!!!!

  • Hiya Yvette, Is it possible to complain if you are getting unwanted PM's? Was gonna post on this thread earlier (after my supportive) first one but thought it may cause more trouble. G. xx

  • Hiya Yvette, Is it possible to complain if you are getting unwanted PM's? Was gonna post on this thread earlier (after my supportive) first one but thought it may cause more trouble. G. xx

    It should be okay now G, Vickis put me on ignore :cool:

  • I will also bare that in mind, particularly as the PM I am recieving are rather abusive!!

  • Hi Yvette ;)

    Can't help feeling this is all getting a wee bit silly now :rolleyes:

    Gaynor x:p

  • Vicki posted a friendly version of my pms to her :D

  • :D:D:D:D

    Gaynor xx

  • Here, here Gaynor I agree with you 100% I know people must be reading the thread and not wanting to join the forum as this is getting childish.

    Dolly

    xxxx

  • Where's BibleBlack when you need him to change the subject to something like Jerusalem artichokes:p

  • Vicki posted a friendly version of my pms to her :D

    Yvette... really, you have absolutely proved my point about the unfriendliness on this forum... you started at the point of hostile, made a joke at my expense and encourage futher hostility...I thank you for confirming, if only for me, that there is NO point in posting here while there are people like yourself on here... also, if you look... on this thead there are only a few posts from me... I was only expressing a perception of the culture on the forum... everyone else have continued to post in and wind themselves up...The beauty of it is is that I am 6 months into my quit... I don't actually need to post here and it now wont be missed, lets hope when you start annoying other people you are further into your, or you might just fail!!!

  • Yvette... really, you have absolutely proved my point about the unfriendliness on this forum... you started at the point of hostile, made a joke at my expense and encourage futher hostility...I thank you for confirming, if only for me, that there is NO point in posting here while there are people like yourself on here... also, if you look... on this thead there are only a few posts from me... I was only expressing a perception of the culture on the forum... everyone else have continued to post in and wind themselves up...The beauty of it is is that I am 6 months into my quit... I don't actually need to post here and it now wont be missed, lets hope when you start annoying other people you are further into your, or you might just fail!!!

    Meowwwwwwww!!!!!

  • Meowwwwwwww!!!!!intelligent reply there!!

  • intelligent reply there!!

    You still here?:rolleyes:

  • Vicki you seem to be putting a damper on the forum today. Why did you post the comment in the first place if you were going to take objection to the replies.

    Yvette Unfortunatly Tescos were right out of artichokes today. Must be something to do with the weather :D

    its the personal tone to Yvettes comments that are putting a damper on the forum... I'm mearly replying!

  • I'll go toddle off to one of my other forums that I frequent to allow you some space Vicki :)

  • Ok Now I have had enough.

    Everyone is entitled to an opinion Vicki & we are all clear on yours now.

    If you feel so bad about this forum than let it go, you are just winding yourself up.

    Even as I write this you are still posting??????

    So is it really that bad then.

    If as you say you don't need to post as your 6 months in THEN WHY DID YOU START ALL THIS IN THE FIRST PLACE?

    An annoyed Gaynor

  • Sorry your annoyed Gaynor, its not my intention... however, your reactions collectively have proved my point of a cliquey forum.... I didn't "start" anything, I voiced an opinion that there are cliques, and in doing so encountered one... I will leave you to your mothers in the playground type behaviour and bid you farewell and good luck on your quits... Byeeeeeeeeee:D

  • Slightly off topic, but this thread is brilliant, just spent 10 minutes reading all the posts and didn't think about smoking once ;) maybe the NHS should start prescribing forum drama instead of NRT :rolleyes:

  • This is getting silly, thread closed!

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