the last few days aint been going to well for me, 1 minute i dont think about them the next all i can think about is them.
yesterday in work i was sitting on a bench with my head in my arms, next minute a friend from another department came over asked how i was doing i reply'd not so good, then she suggested it 'why dont you just have 1 every once and a while', my heart jumped out my chest, of course i said to myself, a loop hole. it took me at least 30 seconds to snap myself back into reality. stupid i know but that thought scared me, it made me realise that no matter how much i thought i was over them no matter how much i big myself up, they will always be there waiting for a weak moment were i can fall. when will i stop missing them completely, somehow it feels as though im never really going to stop craving that all im really going to do in the end is get used to the cravings. makes me want to smoke but i really really dont want to either, i find myself envying my friends who pop out for a smoke durring breaks in work, but i dont want to give up giving up.