Some more details to understand...

[nsd_user663_4041]

Hi,

When I first joined this board, I stated that I was a sportsman who wanted to quit because of the unending guilt trips whenever I lit a ciggie... While this is true, there is also a little bit more to it than meets the eyes. I have now been going out with someone for the past two months and that particular someone hates smoking. When we started going out, I did promise her I would stop smoking, in retrospect a foolish thing to do since I never really did. Granted, I never smoked in her presence but, as time went by, my behaviour became more and more erratic and i would get angry at insignificant things and really treating her badly. At the end of the day, how can you trust your significant other when you know you can not be trusted in the first place?????

Now, many people will say:"You are quitting for her and you should be quitting for yourself!". And I will say, no, I am not quitting for her because I honestly think I went too far this time and that the situation can not be mended (this is my true belief). I am quitting because I want to be the person that I know I can be and, as part of becoming that person, I need to stop that filthy habit which is destroying my life, my confidence and my capacity to be loved and my capacity to love myself as a result.

I hope people understand, there is a huge space in my heart where she used to be and that pains me but, want it or not, I created that loss. I am not here quitting so that she will love me, I am here to quit so that I will love me.

Thank you for reading,

Fergus

[nsd_user663_3728]

Hi Offshoregit

Wonderful post and very well put we have all said or done {sometimes both} that we bitterly regret but mostly can't or won't out right I hope you will acheive everything you want

all the best

[nsd_user663_3881]

Sorry but if someone loves you they love you "warts and all". My husband has never smoked in his life but he never once complained or laid down the law when I smoked. Frankly she doesn't sound worthy of your love!

[nsd_user663_4041]

I agree but the problem is not necessarily that, it is the fact that I promised that I had stopped. She has been hurt before by people who lied to her and the promise I made about stopping simply brought back these memories.

It is the lie not the act that she despises. She would have been happier if I had been honest... However, as I said, I am not stopping for her, I am stopping for me because this type of situations is bound to re-appear further down the line whoever I am with...

Thanks

Fergus

[nsd_user663_74]

mmmmm

so you split because she had been lied to before?:confused:you where only smoking/she had previous baggage and needs to sort her out too x good luck and you will love you x

[nsd_user663_3845]

I think Fergus is saying he believes he acted badly towards her, possibly because he was going through withdrawal while with her and possibly subconsiously blaming her for his withdrawal symptoms. We all know when put in a position where we couldn't smoke we sometimes acted irrationally.

Or maybe I'm barking up the wrong vertical plant.

Anyway there are many reasons to stop smoking as we have all related and not one valid reson to continue smoking so get on with it Fergus, we all love you (not in a gay way you understand;))