After nearly 6 months of being quit I have hit a problem.
I am sitting writing this with a cigarette and lighter in front of me.
The problem I have is that I quit smoking to be healthy and happier and have more money to spend, however I feel I have achieved nothing, let me explain:
In terms of health I have gained over 20kgs in weight, definitely not healthy, I can't stop eating, I've tried everything to lose weight and I know that If I start to smoke again I can use cigs to replace eating this has worked in the past.
My mental health has detriorated as I now look in the mirror at just see this horrid fat girl staring back.
As a result of the above I am certainly not happier, and last night I nearly considered taking my own life - not just cause of weight issues, also because I suffer from a condition called gender dysphoria, but when I was a smoker I found smoking helped to reduce depression.
I am no better financially as all of the money I have saved is spent on food, and currently I should be around Â£1000 better off but cant account for anything.
I really don't want to put any one off thinking of quitting, as my circumstances are fairly unique, but I am struggling and given the choice betweeen suicide and smoking again I feel I have no choice.