crashed and burned

well i cant believe what a total pratt i have been, i went 70 days cold turkey without taking a puff, then for some stupid reason i had a couple of puffs and found myself smoking 6-7 over the last few days so i am back to square 1. i am so dissapointed i cant believe i have been such a fool, my new quit date is tomorrow 27/3 i have never been so angry and dissapointed in myself and i dont even understand why i did it, what a fool (rant over)

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  • what made you start again after 80 days? i dont know why i did i really dont. i quit cold turkey with nothing at all last time and i am going to do the same again, did you have to go through withdrawal all over again?

  • It strikes me that unless and until we re-learn how to live our lives, we're all always at risk of relapsing unless we maintain constant vigilance.

    Almost everyone who admits to relapsing says that it was for a stupid or othewise unexplained reason. Getting rid of those triggers is hard work, and I know that if I'm ever in a situation with fags being readily available in a social situation, I WILL pick one up and light it, completely mechanically and without thinking about it.

    That's why I'm so glad of the almost compelte ban now - I would have to get up and walk out of the room with a smoker, and that requires a level of deliberation which I'm just able to overcome by deliberate breathing exercises. :D

    Good luck with climbing back on the wagon and staying there!

    I smoked my last cigarette 2 Weeks and 15 minutes ago. I have saved £114.86 by not smoking 490 cigarettes. I have saved 1 Day, 16 hours and 50 minutes of my life.

  • thanks for all your feedback guys, been speaking to a long time quitter and he said that he went the same way on one of his quits. he said he thought it was just him being complacent(spelling?) and had a couple of drags because he had been quit 3 months and just thought it wouldnt hurt and he was curious to see how horrible it was after 3 months and that was the begining of the slippery slope for him. he has been quit 5 years now and says you really really cant ever have another puff just to see. im still peeeved at being back at day one though :(

  • been speaking to a long time quitter and he said that he went the same way on one of his quits. he said he thought it was just him being complacent(spelling?) and had a couple of drags because he had been quit 3 months and just thought it wouldnt hurt and he was curious to see how horrible it was after 3 months

    He was "curious"? Hmmmm, I can't help thinking he might have been lying to himself, I think the addict part of his brain lured him back into the trap. OK, the nicotine is out of your bloodstream within days, and I understand how triggers could suddenly pop up when a situation reminds you of smoking, but....there must be something else deep within us that makes us go back to smoking. Especially as it seems to be completely inexplicable, and there is really no logical reason to go back to smoking, once the nicotine has left the bloodstream.

    Perhaps it is the dopamine / serotonin high that we are still missing, months later. In my case, it seems to have too much of a physical manifestation for it to be just 30 years worth of habit I'm trying to break. Sometimes it feels as if I can taste a cigarette, as if I've just smoked one, when I haven't had a puff for 82 days now. It's very strange.

    I'm worried that I'm getting back to the stage where I say "OK, that's enough of that, let's have a fag", and that would be that. Sometimes the thought of buying a pack of 10 Marlboro Lights fills me with joy! Or is it relief? It would be so easy. But why should it be so easy after nearly 3 months, that's what I'd like to know? Perhaps it's just that my attitude is wrong, that I still feel like I'm missing out on something, if only in my sub-conscious thoughts. Logically the reasons to smoke are by far outweighed by the reasons not to smoke. But is that enough? So far, it is, but it still seems to be a tightrope walk, especially with other people sliding off the wagon at similar stages of the quit.

    Why did we ever start? :mad:

  • He was "curious"? Hmmmm, I can't help thinking he might have been lying to himself, I think the addict part of his brain lured him back into the trap. OK, the nicotine is out of your bloodstream within days, and I understand how triggers could suddenly pop up when a situation reminds you of smoking, but....there must be something else deep within us that makes us go back to smoking. Especially as it seems to be completely inexplicable, and there is really no logical reason to go back to smoking, once the nicotine has left the bloodstream.

    Perhaps it is the dopamine / serotonin high that we are still missing, months later. In my case, it seems to have too much of a physical manifestation for it to be just 30 years worth of habit I'm trying to break. Sometimes it feels as if I can taste a cigarette, as if I've just smoked one, when I haven't had a puff for 82 days now. It's very strange.

    I'm worried that I'm getting back to the stage where I say "OK, that's enough of that, let's have a fag", and that would be that. Sometimes the thought of buying a pack of 10 Marlboro Lights fills me with joy! Or is it relief? It would be so easy. But why should it be so easy after nearly 3 months, that's what I'd like to know? Perhaps it's just that my attitude is wrong, that I still feel like I'm missing out on something, if only in my sub-conscious thoughts. Logically the reasons to smoke are by far outweighed by the reasons not to smoke. But is that enough? So far, it is, but it still seems to be a tightrope walk, especially with other people sliding off the wagon at similar stages of the quit.

    Why did we ever start? :mad:

    I know someone who quit for 16 years and started smoking again. I don't think even he knows why but he is still smoking now.

    As far as "why did we ever start" is concerned in my case it was I suppose "keeping up with my friends". They smoked so I did - stupid really isn't it:mad:

  • As far as "why did we ever start" is concerned in my case it was I suppose "keeping up with my friends". They smoked so I did - stupid really isn't it:mad:

    For me it was wanting to appear older :eek: :D If I'd only known then what I know now....I'd probably have less wrinkles!

  • Sometimes it feels as if I can taste a cigarette, as if I've just smoked one, when I haven't had a puff for 82 days now. It's very strange.

    Phew, not just me gets that then? :confused:

  • I agree with plumski in that when I fancy a cigarette (they aren't strong enough to be called craves anymore) then I sit and do deep breathing exercises, makes the 'want' recede into nothingness. It would be so easy to have a cigarette because all the initial excitement and commitment has gone from my quit, but really if you get in the right frame of mind it is just as easy not having one too. Vigilance is the answer and never ever thinking you are a non smoker, you are and always will be an ex smoker and there is a world of difference between the two.

    73 days quit (2 months 13 days)

    Fair enough, but what makes you fancy a cigarette after months of abstinence....surely not nicotine alone? I certainly agree with the initial excitement wearing off, perhaps allowing complacency, but still can't work out what causes these "fancy a fag" feelings.

  • Phew, not just me gets that then? :confused:

    You too? It's very odd, isn't it? I wonder if the taste is being dredged up from the bottom of our lungs somehow. What do you mean, you're just having your tea? Oh, sorry. ;)

  • I started again after a year because I was in a bar and missed my old friend the cigarette (incidentally this was my first quit date years ago -boo hoo)

    Before I knew it, 20 a day. I've put myself through turkey twice now. Never again.

    Don't feel bad, it's a terrible place to be after all your efforts. That's smoking for you.

    Being an ex-smoker is similar to being an alcoholic in that addiction is always under the surface, so just be wary of the triggers and don't feel bad!

    All the best for tomorrow :)

  • Being an ex-smoker is similar to being an alcoholic in that addiction is always under the surface, so just be wary of the triggers and don't feel bad!

    All the best for tomorrow :)

    I keep reading that over and over on here. However, that has never been my experience. My last quit, I went two years and I can honestly say I never thought about cigs. I just woke up one day and had my usual morning fag and it made me feel ill so I stubbed it out and it was my last for two years. My cravings lasted all of one week and they quickly petered out.

    I did not want a cig. I did not think about them. Basically, it was as if I had never smoked in my life. No triggers, nothing. Nothing made me think about them. You could have put me in a room with a bunch of smokers but I would not think about them. I guess I really did want to quit and I really felt I derived nothing from smoking them. I would say I got to the point of not thinking about them after only a month.

    So I'd just like to say that the addiction is not aways 'there' waiting to be let out again. Let this give others some hope! I'm kinda hoping it will be that way again for me.

    As for how I got back on them...ggrrr! I was out with a bunch of friends and someone thrust one at me. I could so easily have said no as the attraction just wasn't there, but I thought sod it, everyone else was I got slowly drawn in again. If I had only told me 'mates' to sod off I wouldn't be here now! But that could have happened whether I was an ex-smoker or not.

    But I just want to give hope to others that it is not always an ongoing battle. You can live a life completely free of fags and free of all thoughts of them :)

  • Everything i say here causes contraversy. Maybe i should piss off and smoke

  • Hey Fairy?

    Did I say something? :confused:

  • Everything i say here causes contraversy. Maybe i should piss off and smoke

    I think the only controversy is in your perception. It seems like you're taking differences of opinion just a little too personally...

    Nobody's trying to attack you. I thought about replying to your latest post elsewhere but I won't because I'd not be saying anything I've not already said - you seem to be misunderstanding both people's words and their motives...

  • Everything i've said this week has caused some sort of backlash and disagreement - someone always sys the opposite.

    I know shit fk all about quitting, nobody does, you have to do it alone.

  • I think the only controversy is in your perception. It seems like you're taking differences of opinion just a little too personally...

    Nobody's trying to attack you. I thought about replying to your latest post elsewhere but I won't because I'd not be saying anything I've not already said - you seem to be misunderstanding both people's words and their motives...

    And as a member of the British Public who would like to give up smoking, can I have my opinion and be done with it. I don't even know you plum, I don't need this. All I want is to stop smoking!!

  • I'm just bewildered a wee bit fairy that you post what you did immediately after what I wrote :confused:

    I'm not aware of offending you, or anyone come to that, in my last post. If I have offended you then I am sorry, for that was not what I set out to do. Like everybody else, I use this place as constructively as I can.

    In my last post, I was not deliberately disagreeing with you. In fact, for alot of people you might very well be right. All I was saying in my last post was that I personally, in my last quit, never felt the addiction was right there under my skin waiting to lure me again. Thats all. There was no motive behind that other than to try and give hope to others.

    I'll shut up now :)

  • Oh, and forgot to say...if it was because I had highlighted what you had typed, then I only used it as an example. Thats all. It was not a direct attack at you :)

    Anyway, I'm on your side. I am not against you. We are all in this together and I hope each and every one of us gets through this to become happy non smokers!

  • S'ok ;):p

    But see my point... you said it wasn't there and yet you started smoking again.... why do we do this to ourselves?

    I love being a non-smoker and don't wanna be complacent...

    Agh, i'm away to beddy. Goodnight Maddy, say no more about it :)

  • And as a member of the British Public who would like to give up smoking, can I have my opinion and be done with it. I don't even know you plum, I don't need this. All I want is to stop smoking!!

    That's what we all want, and we all want to help each other as much as we're able. As you said in the other message, none of us has all the answers. But with a bit of luck, between us, we can all add a little bit to each other's pool of knowledge to help us all quit.

    Nobody here is having a go at you or trying to persuade you to change your opinions, just offering their own perspective, or perhaps a bit of extra information.

    I do apologise if anything I've said has gone down wrong with you: I really am just trying to help.

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