Well, here we are...

[nsd_user663_2931]

...on my day of failure. I succumbed to a few cigs today. I just couldn't 'do' all the battles in my head anymore. I was expecting to feel extremely disappointed in myself, and don't get me wrong I am, but all week I have punished myself for knowing that I have failed even though I had not at that point had a cig (try 'n work THAT one out lol) so the 'punishment' isn't as fresh as it would be for most.

I don't know that I want to quit. I mean, I do want to quit, but my head isn't in the right place. It never has been. Most people 'want' to quit, and although I do want to quit, I don't feel I'm ready. Don't feel I have the will to fight it every single day. Have I just contradicted myself there, like, a dozen times?! Oh I know what I mean! My head is everywhere.

Should I wait to start up another quit when I'm more up for it or should I start right back up with this quit again tomorrow??? aarghhh! You know, I had my dinner over an hour ago and this would be a prime time for me to have a cig...right after dinner, but I haven't wanted one. Maybe I should just restart tomorrow before I get pulled back to that stage again? Use tonight to disgust myself with the things and try to get my head round it a bit.

I don't know.

I know one thing. Its gonna be real shit going right back to Day One tomoz if I start over :mad:

[nsd_user663_1655]

Viking is sad.

Another quit bites the dust. Sorry to hear you had to succumb Maddy. As soon as you can, hop back on the horse of freedom, and I promise I'll be here for you through your quit, no matter how many tries it takes

Vike.

[nsd_user663_2743]

hey Maddy, quit when your ready, tomorrow or next week, only you know when

ill will watch out for you, good luck

[nsd_user663_1733]

Maddy Im so sad you let old nic back in your life but its not the end of the world. as the rest as said you can only stop when YOU are ready but we will be here for you. Love Linda xxxxxxxxxxxx

[nsd_user663_2866]

hi maddy come on you can do it i been in same boat myself but startng again tomorrow i made big mistake doing that and i bet you are thinking the same its not worth it they turned me sick never again good luck

[nsd_user663_2931]

My bad. What can I say lol However, I refuse to throw away 23 days so I am gonna jump right back up tomorrow and do it.

I'm trying to reverse things a lil bit..instead of 'Do I want to quit?' I'm asking myself 'Do I want to be a smoker?' The obvious answer to that is no. No way.

I know I chose a real crap time to quit, but after going over 3 wks, it'd be a shame to throw it all away. And yes I know I have basically put my addiction back to Day one, but you know, looking back, those first few days were easy peasy for me. I know there are those out there that find them tough, but I can honestly say, those days were a piece of piss compared to the last few days. So no, I'm not dreading doing it all over again. Just gutted that I had to succumb today.

I will limit my time here though. Coming here as often as I was was not healthy. I guess it just made me think about smoking more since this is a smoking related site!

I feel I have let myself and others down really bad but I have to pick myself up, dust myself down and get on with carrying on a smoke free life

Janet, I'm so pleased you are starting over. Really I am. Right pair aren't we?! We should join forces and show this thing we WILL NOT be beaten!!! You can do it Janet, if you went as long as you did, then I know you can. I'm sending all good vibes your way!

Thanks for all your well wishes.

[nsd_user663_3078]

Maddy I am really disappointed to hear that

Why dont you watch the palmolive bottle video whilst smoking the rest of the fags that you have left as well as some of the other videos and it may cause a reaction within you that will give you the true desire and determintion (and above all the 'wanting to stop').

I think you are the sort of person who will stop when you really want to. I just hope thats sooner rather than later.

Damn, I really thought you were gona hold on.... sorry if i'm going on but i've read most of your posts and the support that you have given to others has been fantastic. :(:(

[nsd_user663_2866]

thanks maddy im glad you starting tomorrow as well its gutting going back to day 1 again but never mind roll on. we can do it .all the best

[nsd_user663_2931]

Hey Bobby, I know, I'm awful aren't I? But you know, I really didn't have my head in the right place. You really do have to have your head in the right place if you're going to succeed.

I have watched that palmolive vid, I have watched other gruesome vids and vids of people dying but not even they stopped me :eek: I guess I needed to revisit evil nic to make me know for sure quitting is what I want to do. When I quit Bobby, it was almost a spur of the moment thing, I wasn't prepared AT ALL.

Now, I am more revved up than I have ever been throughout this quit and yeah I messed up today, but it isn't going to happen anymore trust me. It took today to put things into perspective.

How are you going anyway Bobby? I know you were going through a rough patch...are things a bit easier now?

[nsd_user663_2931]

thanks maddy im glad you starting tomorrow as well its gutting going back to day 1 again but never mind roll on. we can do it .all the best

Sod that I ain't going back to Day one. I'm gonna re-do today tomorrow and carry on. So I messed up today, it was just one mess up. It ain't gonna happen again! Don't put yourself back to day one Janet. Carry on as you mean to Or was you talking about going through the whole withdrawal thing? If so, then let the mess up be a lesson. I know I sure am.

[nsd_user663_2931]

Darnit, why can't I catch all your replies in one go? lol

Hey Robert, its all about putting things into perspective isn't it? Maybe a bit of word play helps. Telling myself I am quitting instantly makes me feel I have a fight on my hands (no matter what it is I am quitting). By telling myself that I don't want to be a smoker, kinda helps a bit and helps me in my resolve. I know it all amounts to the same thing but I find looking at things in a more positive way helps.

Hope that made sense! lol

[nsd_user663_3078]

Things have been ok over the past day or two. It was my mum's birthday yesterday and I managed to limit myself to three vodkas and had 3 or 4 EMC's (easily managed cravings btw lol).

It's my 1st ever driving test tomorrow @ 14:10 :eek: so my nerves are gona be shattered. This will defo be the biggest test of my resolve to date. I bought Bach's Recue Remedy so I am hoping that this will keep my emotions in check.

Fingers crossed

[nsd_user663_2866]

hi good luck for tomorrow youll pass just keep calm all the best

[nsd_user663_2931]

Wow, good luck with that Bobby!! You'll pass with flying colours! Oh, and you'll be THAT good, you'll get a distinction

I only passed my test 2 and a half years ago and I was CONVINCED I had failed! I drove down some dual carriageway at 40mph still in second gear...somehow I didn't notice :eek: Obviously I did after a while but after that I was convinced I would not pass.

I'm telling you, when that examiner told me I had passed, I coulda kissed him!! I was gobsmacked, what can I say. So, do not become complacent if you think you have done something wrong and have convinced yourself you have failed! Its all in your head.

Damn, someone I know gave me a couple of really useful tips right before I took my test but I'm buggered if I can think of them right now...

Good luck! (not that you need it of course).

Be sure to let us know how you go

[nsd_user663_3078]

thanks i will let you guys know how i get on

[nsd_user663_2955]

...on my day of failure. I succumbed to a few cigs today. QUOTE]

Just seen this thread .....

:confused:

Team FM - Do we have a man down? :eek: MEDIC !!!!!!!!!

[nsd_user663_2783]

Hey Maddy - you still with us hun? Keep visiting we'll all help you