...but I have bought myself time by browsing the WhyQuit website. I keep droning on about going back to smoking as I am finding each day a continuous struggle so do you think I should just set another quit date when my life isn't so tough? I have major things getting me down and this not smoking lark isn't helping.
Would I be such a bad person if I started over on another date???? 
hi dont do it maddy youll be sorry it not worth it im fighting it myself this week i keep saying im going to smoke but im not giving in to to the bloody things
Thanks.
Upon buying the fags, I sat in my car contemplating how I would feel after I have taken that first drag. I had one of my daughter's with me when I went to the shop to buy them and I told her to wait in the car as I was only going to be a second. She asked me what I was going to buy. I told her I was going to buy some cigarettes but not to worry, I plan on quitting again soon. As soon as I said that, I felt so crap. Her face kind've dropped so it was with a sad heart I bought those cigs.
I planned on smoking in the shop car park before driving off in case the 'hit' had any effect on me. I didn't. I went to pick up my other daughter and then went back home, planning on lighting one up soon as I got there.
So, I get home. I really want to light one up but I am hanging on to the last of my resolve against this awful addiction and as yet, I haven't lit one.
The thought of smoking one now brings all sorts of emotions. Tears, failure and frustration to name a few.
I know, if I light up, I am going to hate myself. Hell, it brought tears to my eyes just 'buying' the damn things after seeing my daughter's disappointed face...I feel I have let her down. Big time.
However, when I am left to stew on the problems going on in my life right now, having a cigarette is all too consuming. Its all I can think about and even letting myself down, and more importantly, letting my kids down, seems like it isn't enough to stay off the cigs. Thus commence the mind battle.
Its all so messed up. Will I or won't I? I wish I could answer that.
I have just watched one of the videos on the WhyQuit website...the one about not wanting to give up smoking and it was quite inspirational. He spoke of a guy who had no intentions of quitting but did so as he was put in an awkward positiion. Now, if people like that can quit, then surely I can. I just wish I knew it.
Edit: My daughter is 9 btw
hi maddy that is the way i feel i got a bag full of fags in my wardrobe been their since i give up in november they havnt bothered me till now i want one so bad but i know whats going to happen if i do so im going to make my mind up today one way or other and put fags in the bin good luck anyway
Maddie......noooooooooooo!!!!!!! :eek:
You want to be a non-smoker - that is why you quit in the first place 
You are in a really bad place right now, but just think "This too shall pass" - and how great you will feel when you come out at the other end stronger than ever :cool:
If you succumb now, you will feel sooooooo crap, and think of those kids with their sad little faces !!!!!
If you tell the smoking thoughts to f**k off as soon as they pop into your head
This is working well so me at the moment, Maddie - just don't say it too loudly unless you are on your own, ok?
Hi again, thanks for your well wishes.
The putting a face to the 'nico demon' and seeing 'it' as an enemy kinda puts things into perspective a bit more.
It is the knowledge of how I will feel after that first drag that is putting me off lighting up. I'm hanging on here by the skin of my teeth it seems. I need to change my mindset. I need to stop wallowing in all this negative crap and start forcing myself to feel a bit happier with myself for not smoking. It is hard to do that though when all you want is a cigarette. But even then, I know my problems will still be there and I know I will still feel as down about them as I did prior to smoking a cigarette...why can't my brain process this information and take it in??? Why do I still want a cigarette despite knowing I will still feel crap? Only, I will feel even more crap for succumbing to the awful weed arrghhh!
I really, really hope it gets easier soon.
I hope this shitty stage passes for you too Janet. Its just the pits isn't it? I will try to stay strong just like you are. Promise. However, as much as it will shame me, I will return with my tail between my legs to tell you all if I wasn't strong enough.
Got to go drop my girls off. Got a day kid free and I don't really want a kid free day. Would rather they were with me but they are looking forward to McDonalds with their cousin so I guess thats more important lol Hoping to stay over someone's tonight so I'm not on my own...noooooo!
Take care all,
maddy
Ok, now you have all set me off 
You're all so great on here. I know I would not be on day 20 if it wasn't for the encouragement of you guys.
This addiction thing really messes you up doesn't it? But I am going to beat the f**king thing!!!! Its not gonna keep getting me into the states I get in. Its not!
Thanks everyone....
Don't do it Maddy! Think of your daughter! She is so young, but from your description of her face, she understands. She is ok with your nuttiness, she is ok with your mood swings. She loves her nice smelling mom! Stay strong... and send those smokes to the moon! If you have one, you will be taking these 20 days, and effectively doubling them, as you know that you will have to go through them again. Thats just crazy. The best gift you gave your daughters so far has been 20 clean air, non smelling days. You can make this gift last a lifetime.
Super Maddy for the win! I'm going to be keeping watch during my vacation, as I battle with the thought of smoking a cigar with the inlaws for 3 and a half days straight. We have come so far.
Read websites, watch videos online, go for a run with your pup, do anything!
If you find you can make it a while longer without one of those smokes... get rid of them. You don't need to make yourself any crazier by keeping the evil things in your house/car. 40 days... you are halfway there.
Wishing you the best in today's battle,
Vike.
( lol i'm late in posting, but still gonna leave this up)
Hey Vike,
I'm terrible aren't I? Yeah...40 days...I can do it I can do it...!!
As for throwing out the fags...I just unwrapped the cellophane wrapper planning to rip the fags up but I can't quite bring myself to do it...
I will try to later.
Have a nice trip, vike. You stay strong too. Don't want you coming saying you have lapsed as I'm counting on you...
Thanks all....
oh and lmao @ catwoman. Yeah, I think I would find defining the gender of nico demon quite easy at the mo lol A man it is!! 
I know callumsgran. Excellent support and I appreciate every last bit of it. I've been keeping away from everyone in RL so I only have this place really to help me in my quit and I feel lucky to be around such wonderful people.
I hope I have offered a bit of help to others too though. My heart really goes out to those that are struggling 'cos you know exactly how they are feeling.
I wish everyone the best in their quits and we shall all get there in the end. Even if it takes us several attempts.
Oh, when I picked up my youngest earlier, (she had stayed over a friends for the night) who is 7, the first thing she asked her sister was 'Did mum smoke any cigarettes yesterday?' lol Bless. They are great. Of course, it doesn't have anything to do with that Florida trip I have promised them if I am able to stay off the cigs :rolleyes:
Is champix really that good CG? You know, sometimes, I feel like stopping doing it CT and start using Champix (assuming I can get it) and then that way, I can start having a few smokes again lol My brain seems to latch on to anything and everything to get me to have a smoke! It just doesn't feel 'right' that I have stopped. My head has yet to catch up. I never intended to stop permanently tbh. I only gave up 'cos my ex asked me to quit with him but now he is smoking again :confused: I feel cheated into quitting...I know that must sound wayyyyyyyy messed up! Just that I don't feel right with this quit.
I quit for two years last time. That quit was easy. I never struggled like I am this time and I think it's 'cos that particular quit I was serious and ready. I wasn't serious or ready this time. I just quit on a whim and now I feel like I need a few smokes to get my head round it arrghhh its all messed up.
anyhow, would you recommend champix then? it sounds great! No cravings? Or, minimal cravings at least...why suffer CT when you can do it with aids that really help?! I must be mad...
oh and you must have had some pretty bad craves to be scouting round for a shop to buy fags when you should have been in hospital! What are you like lol
Maddy, get a grip girl. You have gone this long CT, you wonderful woman! To start thinking about Champix now is like taking a step backwards.
Deep breaths when "that" feeling comes along. Find something that works for you (You already know F*** Off is working for me lol!;))
"Has Mummy smoked any cigarettes today?" awwww, bless
calumsgran: sorry to hijack thread, but how long did you take Champix for?
Hi Maddie
I am having a really tough time of it too this awful day. I had a really demanding day at work and the urge to just grab a case of beers and 40 smokes was unbearable. I had to go into my local co-op on the way home as I was getting dropped off and the guy needed some things. I was so close to caving, actually staring at my brand over the counter imagining smoking them.
It was hell. The reason that I didn't is because I thought of all the posts and threads that I have seen and written. I thought of Team D-Day and I couldn't bare the prospect of typing 'sorry team i've failed... back to day 1'
It was a major internal battle of wills and to make matters worse, an ice cream van comes by my street @ 9:30pm and the damn thing sells the bloody fags. God why is this so hard. It feels that it would be such a release just to take one drag and i have never done this before so i can't relate to the feelings aferwards but the thought of them makes me want to bang my head of a wall.
I am probally rambling now... Maddie I feel miserable, I want a smoke but....... I guess... well I also want to be healthy, I want the confidence of being smokeless, i want freedom for this bloody rut.... and i want all these things more than a fu@king stupid cancer stick. Its all consuming I know, but I would rather just go to sleep now and hope I feel better tomorrow.
This is my worst day by far.... please don't give in maddie coz i ain't. I'm thinking if i get through this horrible time then nic don't stand a chance and the fags can f@ck off :mad::(:(:mad:
Yes bobby, what CW said lol Hell, think I may try that one myself :eek: If the ice cream van round here sold fags that is...
Sorry you're having a crap day too bobby. Horrible isn't it when every pore of you is screaming out for a cigarette. Just one. To take the edge off :confused: I sure hope tomorrow is a better day for you
You rant away as much as you want anyway. Thats what we're all here for.
I wish I could wave a magic wand and make everything better for everyone! If only...!
Hi everyone, well I have just had a glass of red wine and wham the craving is soooooo great that I darent have another glass which is a real shame.... I have just read everyones message of encouragment for everyone and feel slightly better but still not going to have another glass of wine.
Can anyone tell me where you get Champix from, am on chewing gum alone but as the days are getting on, my craves are getting worse so feel like a helping hand.
You guys are so forward in your quit then me as am on day 8 but we are all going through the same feelings.
It really helps me to read these posts but am really afraid I will become addicted!!! lol x
