Are we all waiting to feel normal agin?
I stopped smoking the dreaded weed on the 20th January after months of my children and fiance nagging me about it. If it wasn't the amount of trips I was making outside since the National Smoking Ban in public places it was the health implications my daughter constantly reminded me of during my moments of pleasure (?). Yes I know we shouldn't think of these moments as pleasure but as you reach the 3rd month of quitting I find the nicotine monster is sitting to my surprise quite firmly on my shoulder. The novelty for most around you has worn off and at times you almost forget yourself. However, at the tender age of 13 I started smoking and save a few failed attempts along the way, smoking has been prominent in my life. I have discovered more recently how much I used to rely on smoking to keep my emotions under control, particulary anger and stress. I feel I am having to relearn coping strategies and that has been the most difficult. I still get waves of depression too, when I begin to get lost in the idea I am depriving myself of something I liked and then my thought processes run away with themselves, i.e. Why did I ever quit? Perhaps I should just accept I am a smoker and suffer the consequences..... Until I stop this process and acknowledge the power of this crazy addiction and the physcological complexity of it.
Anyway I needed some encouragement, so I joined this site today. I have been smoke free for a whole 2 months and with the money I have bought myself an IPOD touch. I use Relaxation and Hypnotherapy CDs regularly but still get caught unaware sometimes. In a moment of defiance and under the influence of achohol I sucame to a cigarrette the other night, although I daren't admit this to anyone. I bought a packet of 10 Marlborough Lights and a box of matches and smoked a whole cigarrette with the intent of enjoying it. I don't know what I expected but it was far from the sort of pleasure I had envisaged. I threw the rest of the packet away and used several hundred profanities on myself before deciding to maintain my smoke free goal. BUT how much longer can I expect this to last! I suppose if I'm realistic 24 years of smoking can't be forgotten in 2 months because I'm sure apart from the obvious nicotine addiction it's about relearning to do life without cigarrettes. So, the conclusion I have reached is, you have to relearn to cope with emotions with moderate reactions and this action needs to be repeated until it forms a habit and eventually replaces the former. Too deep? or a reasonable understanding of the word 'habit'?:rolleyes:
Anyway hope I haven't bored you too much.
