I feel like Jamie Oliver's chicken

Like a chicken to slaughter. That's where nic took me today.

I can't really explain it other than to say that I crashed. I knew I was flakey and said to myself "Don't go out, just stay in today" but I had to and in Asda I was hanging around the kiosk probably looking suspiscious. Before I got arrested for loitering, there I was with 10 bennies in my hand. I only intended to have one and throw the rest away but I had a really good idea - I will smoke them all before kids come home and that will be the end of it.

Of course that hasn't happened. I have told o/h. Don't really think he could care less so I have not thrown the rest away but will run out tonight and be back on tomorrow or at least this weekend.

So I guess I am back to the bottom of the mountain.

Day 5/6 has always been my sticking point but this time I found it really hard. Don't give up on me.

There's a saying isn't there? ...

"It's not over till the fat lady sings". Well I'm not fat and I'm not a singer.

I didn't actually feel that bad at the time, I was so tired and fed up I felt I had had it up to the back teeth but I do curse myself for not just doing a bit more. I do feel bad now though and tomorrow I will feel even worse as I have to go through the whole thing all over again.

Let this be a warning to people who are wavering - DONT - just do one more day and you will be fine. Look at me now having to go through it from scratch AND I have reminded my brain how much I like it.

You have all been so supportive this last week and I really appreciate it. I am not on here to take the p**s. I am really serious. It sounds like an excuse but I have a lot of personal problems and I suppose its just me and nic who have time to think.

I'll be back (Terminator for those who are too young/old). Don't give up on me just yet. Good luck and congrats to all who have made it beyond today. You will see me back on day 1 although I might just forgive myself for a blip.

Love and best wishes to all quitters. Ruth xxxxxxxxxxxxx

6 Replies

oldest • newest

nsd_user663_2688

10 years ago

All I can say is thank you. You are all brilliant. I have myself booked in on Monday at the docs for a smoking cessation counselling psychobabble slot. With you here, I don't think I need it.

As I say, I am not trying to excuse my weakness but if I can just sort out my other problems ... I am making excuses aren't I?

The last time I went to a smoking cessation meeting, the Counsellor had never smoked in his life and this next one is the same. Somehow, I don't think they can get on a level with me. I don't mean to sound ungrateful but nobody can tune in to an addict's brain like an addict. These guys are doing it to make themselves feel worthwhile but it's not for me. You guys are for me.

I am having a day off but ...

I'LL BE BACK - BE AFRAID, BE VERY AFRAID!!!

R x

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