Like a chicken to slaughter. That's where nic took me today.
I can't really explain it other than to say that I crashed. I knew I was flakey and said to myself "Don't go out, just stay in today" but I had to and in Asda I was hanging around the kiosk probably looking suspiscious. Before I got arrested for loitering, there I was with 10 bennies in my hand. I only intended to have one and throw the rest away but I had a really good idea - I will smoke them all before kids come home and that will be the end of it.
Of course that hasn't happened. I have told o/h. Don't really think he could care less so I have not thrown the rest away but will run out tonight and be back on tomorrow or at least this weekend.
So I guess I am back to the bottom of the mountain.
Day 5/6 has always been my sticking point but this time I found it really hard. Don't give up on me.
There's a saying isn't there? ...
"It's not over till the fat lady sings". Well I'm not fat and I'm not a singer.
I didn't actually feel that bad at the time, I was so tired and fed up I felt I had had it up to the back teeth but I do curse myself for not just doing a bit more. I do feel bad now though and tomorrow I will feel even worse as I have to go through the whole thing all over again.
Let this be a warning to people who are wavering - DONT - just do one more day and you will be fine. Look at me now having to go through it from scratch AND I have reminded my brain how much I like it.
You have all been so supportive this last week and I really appreciate it. I am not on here to take the p**s. I am really serious. It sounds like an excuse but I have a lot of personal problems and I suppose its just me and nic who have time to think.
I'll be back (Terminator for those who are too young/old). Don't give up on me just yet. Good luck and congrats to all who have made it beyond today. You will see me back on day 1 although I might just forgive myself for a blip.
Love and best wishes to all quitters. Ruth xxxxxxxxxxxxx