Trying, Trying Trying, Crying Crying Crying!

We hello all I am new to this forum but just wanted to share some of my experiences with you all, I am now on day 10 and it has been harder than I ever expected.

My husband and I had planned for 3 weeks to give up (could not get in to see the nurse) so it was like a clock ticking down for us, appointment was for 8.40am so we had our last fag at 1.00am after some drinking.

Having been approx a 20 aday smoker for 20 year (gave up twice through having children but restarted again) we thought the patches were the right way to go. My husband smoked far more than myself and thought he would need the patches as it has turned out he has gone cold turkey and is doing fabulous, where as I am on the patches and struggling.

Quitting for me has been such an emotional journey so far, I feel such a failure for having to use the patches where my husband is cold turkey, I am also very scared of failing, I have very low self estem as it is and quitting has seemed to amplify the thoughts in my head. I don't really have craving's as such other than the actual routine I had of smoking, its not that I want a cig but my routine is really out of wack. I have alway's been quite the hobbiest so It's not because I can't find anything to do with my hands or to keep my mind occupied.

The question I keep asking myself is have I actually quit like my husband has because I am using the patches after all I still have the nicoteen going into my body, my husband has found it all a breeze and I just feel like I am walking under a big black cloud all the time.

Nightmare's at night through the patches have been a big problem for me so I have tried on some nights not to wear them. I also am trying to keep the weight off I was dieting before quitting as I could do with losing a stone or so.

I feel quite depressed at night not only am I fighting quitting smoking but also I am fighting my craving for certain foods. My husband says I am trying to do to much at once, but I am a person where if any weight I put on it is very very difficult to move. I cannot afford to put on anymore weight. We normally are very outdoorsy people who love going on 5-10 mile walks at weekends but because of the weather even that is out.

I feel like the whole world is against me but common sense tells me it's not.

On the plus side I love the fact that my clothes and hair don't smell, I can smell my flower's from my garden inside my house never noticed that before.

That we will have more money all the usual benefits to being a non smoker I love.

Sorry for the long post had to have a ramble.

7 Replies

  • Hello Dixie and welcome x x x x

    First of all! *hugs*

    Ok now calm down x x

    I feel such a failure for having to use the patches where my husband is cold turkey, I am also very scared of failing

    Try it like this!

    'I feel I have really accomplished something by not smoking for 10 days!! Double figures! I am really proud. I am also proud of my husband quitting too we are working well together. I am worried that I may not remain quit for ever. I will persevere and If I ever smoke again I will have this experience to learn from and I will find it easier to stop again, what ever happens in the future I have gained a lot for myself.'

    Patches and nightmares, I suffered too, I used to remove my 24hr patches before bed and then after that pack I used 16 hr patches from morning till bedtime.

    A quit is a quit regardless of method, everyone is different and has different needs. There is no stigma attached to which method is used! your husband must be proud of you too!?

    Your doing great! try and spend more time relaxing and using positive thoughts.

    If the weather is a problem for your walks you could use the money saved for gym fees maybe? or buy a funky dvd to exercise to?

    A trip to your doctor may also help, negative thoughts and feeling low are common for many but not everyone, in a quit!

    Please try not to compare yourself to others, such as your husband so much, you are an individual.

    Also bare in mind that you cannot see what goes on behind closed doors or inside peoples minds no matter how well you know them.

    Take care of yourself x treat yourself to some real indulgent rewards for doing so well and getting this far!

    You are a star Dixie x x x x

    ~Buffy x x

  • Ah thankyou Buffy for your kind words I constantly am telling my husband how proud I am of him as I think support is important. Feels like I am fighting the world sometimes, your idea of the gym is fantastic butsadly I am confined to low impact exersize due to a past operation.

    I have taken your kind words onboard and I am sure I am going to be a frequent poster, my husband has been lurking on this board for the last couple of weeks mabe I could persuade him to introduce himself and give his perspective on his journey of quitting smoking.

    Right now I am going to pull my chin off the ground and try to appreciate all the good things I have going on in my life, The thought may only last an hour but it's a start! right?

  • Exactly! It is impossible to start anywhere else other than the beginning!

    I like baby steps and small bites, thats how I built myself lol

    I won't go on but I will say one more thing on the subject of gym, sorry x x Being confined to low impact exercise shouldn't stop you. swimming is low impact and there are specific low impact classes, pilates, yoga or aerobics etc and an induction with a trainer will show you possible low impact machine exercises to suit and the steam rooms lovely!

    Just a phone call to start the ball rolling?! Local council run gyms are much cheaper than private gyms and have a much larger variety of users.

    Sorry that was my last word :D

    Another thing I love to lift my spirits, are aromas :) essential oil burners are lovely, scented candles or fresh flowers can all lift my mood.

    Do tell your husband to say hi :D we don't bite! well not much :p

    ~Buffy x x

  • I feel such a failure for having to use the patches where my husband is cold turkey,

    Rubbish! It's good to have someone else's support but this isn't a competition! Everyone is completely different, you must remember that what suits you only suits YOU. This isn't about being tough or weak, or comparing yourself to others, it's about your own private battle with the weed (with a bit of help from us of course!) Oh and make sure your husband isn't too complacent, we've seen a few say "this cold turkey is easy!" only to find they are struggling after a few weeks (plenty more manage with no problems though!).

    its not that I want a cig but my routine is really out of wack. I have alway's been quite the hobbiest so It's not because I can't find anything to do with my hands or to keep my mind occupied.

    You need a new routine because you have a new lifestyle! Therefore you need to dive into those hobbys with a new vigour, or take up something completely different.

    10 days is a real acheivement, esp from 20 a day.

    Don't fret about 'failure', nobody on this board 'fails' (though a few have 'blips' as we call them, which are just slight pauses in their quitting process).

    30 days should be your target, for most that is when they start to feel the craves less and less.

    We are here for support, so when it gets tough just step inside! :) :)

  • Its good to know others have gone through what I am feeling, I think I am feeling a failure because I know myself I have faced more difficult problems in my life than this (as we all have all had our own problems). I have divorced, lost my home had my son diagnosed with Autism and then finally remarried, and I managed to get through it all. I don't understand myself I am quite a level headed person. I can't understand how I took most of that in my stride but that simple white little stick is beating me.

    Its like I am having to get to know a completly different person to who I believed I was, and it has hit me quite hard and took the wind out of my sails.

    anyways it is time to look positive and just accept that I am going to have off days emotional days and remember that there was a time when I was a non smoker and I did ok then.

    Many many thanks for the support.

    BTW is is possible to put a ticker in my sig I keep linking to tickerfactory but all it keeps giving me is the link

    this is what I want displayed at the end of my sig

  • and such is disabled for signature, I used to update my sig on a daily basis but then i got fed up and left it out :D hehehe

    I empathise with the whole level headed then bang! shebang!

    I have been through a great deal too and coped with it all one thing then the next etc, It was when it all stopped for me! when i had sorted myself through various situations and seperations, councilors, courts, hospitals and closure etc etc lol

    Once I was were i needed to be I didn't know what to do anymore! I felt raw, vulnerable and overwhelmed!

    Thats what i meant about building myself, I have used little self help steps and bite sizes to rebuild myself to me today :D quitting is my final step and has taken me several attempts :o

    You will conquer this! Rome wasn't built in a day x xx x

    ~Buffy x x

  • Once I was were i needed to be I didn't know what to do anymore! I felt raw, vulnerable and overwhelmed!

    I have been struggling to word my feelings all day but that has just hit the nail on the head.


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