Having quit smoking three years ago I am horrified to find myself having to go through it all again. As a heavy smoker I as so pleased to be rid of my addiction. However I made the fatal mistake of thinking that I could have the odd one socially about 18 months ago. Once a week I was having one or two when I was out. I really thought I was in control of it - how stupid is that. Then earlier this year I started smoking one eveing a week at home. I would wait until an evening when every one was out and then 'treat' myself to a night of smoking. I didn't enjoy the cigareetes at all but liked the ritual that went with it - going out into the garden for some peace and quiet and a fag. In the last two weeks this has started to creep up and I have been smoking every evening, probably about 5 a night. In the last few days though I am back on 20 a day. I am so cross with myself and heartbroken that I have got to this stage. This morning I got up and had a cigarette. It made me feel so ill I fainted. I have not been sleeping in the last week as I lay awake convinced that I have now done loads of damage to my health.
I have set my quit date as Tuesday 22 May and focusing on all the things I did last time to stop. I am scared though that I will not be able to do it but feeling determined. I keep telling myself that i have done it once so I can do it again. I am looking forward to being free of the nicotine monster and will not make the mistake of thinking i can have the odd one again!