Can anybody help?


Thank you for coming to this post. We have a fabulous friend who has been on dialysis now for over 10 years. She has become very depressed and withdrawn and doesn't have a close family that she can call her support network. We are all there for her everyday (her 3 friends) and try to help her. She has dialysis 3 times a week so can't work, lives in a flat on her own. We are all very concerned as she never opens up about her feelings and has partners that take advantage of her vulnerability. Is there anyone that can help us with maybe putting her in touch with people that understand. We would love to make her feel better but don't seem to be able to. Is there anybody in a similar situation that could be a support to her that knows what she's going through in a way that we don't understand?

11 Replies

  • Hi sorry to hear about your friend, you will find that there are quite a few people on this site who are in a similar situation as your friend and hopefully they will reply to your question, there should be a counsellor at the HD unit, you can contact Mind, and have a look on your local council site as some towns have disabled service that have a buddy system where people come and chat to you. There is always your GP he maybe able to help and has she thought about antidepressants. Hope you get some help, and let your friend that she is not alone. Good luck

  • I wrote book about my dialysis experiences etc which some people found very funny.i can tell you how to read it on line for free if she doesn't want to buy a printed copy but of course she can print it out from the internet

  • Hello fenal

    Can I have a link to your book please? a sense of humour is vital, I think!

    Jennie CK

  • I would suggest to her to talk to the counsellor at the renal unit or get her doctor to put her in touch with someone who can counsel her. I personally have found that a course of anti depressants work. It's not unusual for dialysis patients to be on them. She if fortunate to have friends around her who care about her and want to help good luck

  • Hello. I know it may not be any consolation but there are many patients in similar situations. I have recently found my self in the same state. I live alone and will now dialyse three times a week. What I have found helpful is to be very vocal about my feelings to anyone who will listen to me. All my friends and acquaintances know how angry ill depressed and frustrated I feel. It may not change the situation but expressing your feelings makes you feel better. Also your friend must speak to their gp as soon as possible so that she can be referred for some supportive counselling and to receive some antidepressant therapy as well as referral to an appropriate mental health support network or team. In addition they must speak to their Renal unit counsellor, social worker, nurse or consultant asap so that they can help too. If they do not do this then you should be doing it on their behalf as they may be too depressed to help themselves. You owe it to your friend to intercede asap because the risks are too great otherwise. I do wish your friend the very best of luck. At the end of the day there seems to be very little help unless you are able to help yourself and what help there is can be slow in coming, but take heart and help your friend. I am sure they will find a lot to live for. Do they have any hobbies clubs or occupation that also helps to kill time, which is what we are all doing. Discussing ones feelings on here has been enormously helpful for me too.

  • Thanks for trying to support your at what is a very hard time in her life and admitting you don't understand exactly what she is going through.

    I found dialysis deeply depressing and for me the depression didn't stop after my transplant. You don't say where you and your friend live but I would hope there is a local kidney patients association group. This group will go some way to helping her realise she's not alone, she'll find that the members of the group are either dialysis or transplant patients themselves or are families supporting patients. Alternatively most dialysis units have a counselling service and you could try making her GP and renal specialists aware of your worries.

    Good luck and thanks for being such great friends.

  • Thaks for your post.

    Dialysis can be very depressive and takes a huge toll on one's life. Given that you are your friends only support network, you might find it useful to be contacting her Gp, Renal social worker and Renal Counselor on her behalf. They can come to her when she is having her treatment.

    I know how it an be afterall I have been on dialysis for over 20 years, living alone etc. How old is your friend and where do you live?

    I wish I had friends like you.

    All the best

  • Hello Coaching

    Just wanted to say that I find your courage very inspiring - have been reading some of your posts today. My husband has advanced kidney failure and has been on PD and CAPD for about 3.5 months. He is struggling with it all and we have not been able to stabilise him yet so that he feels reasonably well. Great to see your smiling face! Jennie CK

  • Hi how is your friend doing.

  • how much support does your friend need? she already has what sound like 3 incredibly supportive friends, one of whom has gone to the lengths of seeking advice on this forum on her behalf. at the end of the day you cant help someone who is not prepared to help themselves. Dialysis is only depressing if you let it be and insist on having a negative frame of mind.

    before everyone screams I am heartless and do not know what I am taking about - I do. I am entirely alone in my ckd experience, my family, partner and friends having decided that they do not want to get involved with an "invalid" and have left me to it. my attitude is to make the best of things and just get on with it. sorry if this offends some

  • If you search on the Kidney sites they do offer counsellors and that could maybe lead onto introductions to's worth a try 😌

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