Remembering to make time for myself has been the hardest part as a parent, in general. It's easy to get caught up in the day to day responsibilities as a parent and also forget that I'm a wife and a daughter and a human being who also needs love and attention. When you have a child with kidney disease, ADHD, and PTSD, now it gets really tough! My son turned 7 earlier this month. It took me until he was about 4 to recognize I had ignored my own well-being for far too long. How can I take care of him if I can't take care of myself first? My husband, my son, my parents, my friends ... they all deserved a better version of me than I had been giving them. I deserved better. Once I recognized that, I reached out for help. My husband has always been a team player; I've never felt like all the parenting responsibilities fell upon my shoulders and he has always stepped up to help without me asking. That being said, I have always been the one that is with our son the most due him working outside of our home, but I never felt that my husband would be offended when I "complained" to him. I know he has his own struggles. I felt safe when I went to my husband and told him that I felt like I was going to explode, that I needed some time dedicated to myself, and I needed to take care of me. Hubby has supported that 100%, as I do for him, as well. He needs a break, too, and relates! I started small - just getting outside to take a walk alone. It was nice to have some peaceful moments to myself. Then I tried different exercise programs over the last 3 years ... barre, yoga, high-intensity workouts... I feel human again! I was able to release physical stress this way. I hadn't yet touched upon the mental stress until about 2 months ago. You'll giggle at this ... I searched online to see if Post-Partum could happen 7 years after child birth! I couldn't understand why I was losing my cool when dealing with my son and my husband. I had (still have) so much grief over what has happened to my son, to my family all because of kidney diesase ... I was taking it out on everyone around me. I see a therapist every couple weeks just to say what I need to say. It is SO therapeutic. I tried to bury away my grief for so long that it was all coming out in all the wrong ways, but boy does it feel good to talk about it in my sessions and cry! My therapist showed me a picture of an "anger iceberg." This described everything perfectly. I could relate to this idea and it has helped me identify what's really happening inside of me and that I need to manage it. Other things that help are taking time to see friends! Healthy friendships are important and I realize my friends need to see me to vent just as much as I need them! Since I've started taking better care of myself, I've had a calmer approach to my relationship with my son. I feel like there was too much yelling, too many threats relating to behavior and consequences ... now it's more peaceful because I've found a more peaceful place inside of myself and that is truly because I started to take care of my mental health by speaking to a therapist. My son can tell a difference, too!
My husband and I are fortunate to have a good support system with our own parents and friends, who are willing/able to care for our son during a night out or weekend getaway. My husband and I make time for dates... sometimes they are scheduled on our calendar, but we need to have time alone and remember why we fell in love with one another! Making time for our marriage is important, too! I know we are better together and sometimes we need a reminder of that.
Hope this post helps someone out there!
