My gorgeous little boy is now 6 months old and an absolute dream. I’m so in love with him.
But the age old question… will we try for more? We’re fortunate enough to have 5 PGS tested embryos in storage so we have the option to at least try.
How do others feel about another?
This guy is so brilliant, I’m worried that our next wouldn’t be as great! Plus I’m not getting any younger, could I cope with 2? Would I be able to love he/she as much as I do my boy?
There’s so many questions but the thought of never being pregnant/having a newborn again makes me feel sad…
Just after your thoughts really xx
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Millbanks
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We're 11 days into having number 2 and you won't regret it 💙 My boy is 2 and a half and he's taken to being a big brother amazingly! I feel like I've got the age gap just right, he's old enough to play happily by himself, walk and eat unaided and understands what I ask, but young enough that they will have a great bond as they grow. As for will you cope with two, we smashed ivf in the face didn't we? We're practically superheros 🤷🏻♀️😘❤️ xxx
We have had the same dilemma. We have decided we want to try but it will be with some trepidation as the thought of going through the process again does feel me with dread! We did fresh last time and we have 7 frosties to try through FET, but obviously we have no idea whether we'll need to faff around getting the FET protocol right. I also need to have a fibroid removed before we start. However, this is obvisouly playing a long game and we'd like tp have as few regrets as possible! I know what you mean about worrying if the next one will be as awesome as this one, but I think very few people who have a second baby will not love them as much as the first. xx
Glad to hear you and your little one are doing well ☺️ I totally understand all of the emotions and I can tell you a couple of things. You will absolutely love them just as much, someone said to me once it doesn’t change how much you love your first child, your heart and your capacity for love just grows. Zach is 5 months old now and I honestly can’t believe there was ever a world without him and watching Phoebe grow into her big sister role is just the most beautiful thing. I have a relatively small age gap, Phoebe had just turned 19 months when he was born and it is tough having two so little but it’s also amazing. She doesn’t really know any different than him being here now so we haven’t had any issues with jealously etc.
I decided to hop back on the train fairly quickly after having Phoebe because we had two PGS tested embryos left and I really wanted a second baby and sibling for her but I was also really ready to get to the end of my IVF journey, so if neither of those embryos had worked it would have been the end of the road for us. I know I’m so lucky it worked and we can close the door on that chapter of our lives now and enjoy these beautiful little miracles!xx
I’m so pleased to hear it’s all going so well. And it’s so lovely to think that your capacity for love grows too. My bubba was in the tub tonight and was trying to grab hold of a stream of water, so curious, it made me want to cry 💜💔 sometimes I can’t cope with how much I love him 😵💫
I guess I just worry that the second just couldn’t be as wonderful which I know is silly 🤦🏼♀️
Oh how cute! Their curiosity is just the best. It hurts my heart to watch them, every day I pinch myself that they are actually mine. Makes my head 🤯 for a minute when I think they were actually created at the same time as well. Aren’t we lucky science is so bloody amazing!xx
I think you will definitely feel the same love for another baby… I have two (as you know) and I love them both the same and that’s an insane amount of love right there (I still have to pinch myself). I am sure it won’t be so easy, but people manage and you will too.
I think it’s exciting, and if you’re thinking about going for a second then do it. You have 5 beautiful embryos waiting for you when you’re ready to try again 🍀
We are already saving for another transfer, hoping to start the process back end of next year! We have 7 embryos frozen, and would love to try bring home a sibling for the twins and to complete our family. It terrifies me to go through the process again, and I’ve said I won’t do another egg collection if none of the 7 take (I say that now…) but I’m just not ready to not have another baby even though I am so blessed with the twins! Xxx
Definitely, it is a big decision to make and one that may require a big leap of faith and trust that it will be okay.
I know I want another if I’m ever lucky enough, but I’m also really scared of the process and having to go through another 4 (maybe more) transfers again, never mind any more loss. Emotionally, I’m not sure I have the strength in me for that but then I won’t know until I’m doing it again! Just have to trust that it will work out again 🤞🏻 Xxx
Although my children weren't IVF I couldn't read this post and not reply. We had a long struggle to have Francesca and initially we said never again! It had been so tough to have Francesca. But after much soul searching when Francesca turned 1 we decided we did want to try for another baby- but this time less stress as we had Francesca and we said if we would just have our beautiful little girl and nothing could take that away. We weren't sure how bad my endometriosis was and honestly didn't think we coud conceive again. We then lost a baby at 20 weeks and we're truly heartbroken. But determined not to give up and after 2 early losses we had Eliza in February . I was 40 having her! ❤️ Francesca was 2 years and 8 months by the time Eliza arrived. Now I won't sugar coat it is difficult having 2 - more difficult for us as Francesca is under going the autism pathway and has speech delay ( we have all the help and support for us/her) But she's been an amazing big sister and the bond they have is incredible ❤️ Eliza adores her! And Francesca is very sweet with her obviously she can get a boisterous but never malicious. I can see now how close they will be and that makes the hardwork all worthwhile 😍 They are both so different but equally awesome and I love them and my son ( I had before meeting my husband) as much ❤️ A mother has endless love ❤️ as for for coping with 2 you will ( if you decide you want another baby) having said I know some people who decide to just by choice have only 1 child and are perfectly happy ❤️ It really is an individual choice but all the best with whatever you decide to do ❤️ Xx
You’ve had such a tough time but it’s wonderful that your family is so happy.
I think that’s it really, I know it’ll be hard but I really struggled in the first few months. The hormones were awful and I felt absolutely she’ll shocked. I guess after you e had one you won’t feel this again as you know what’s to come?
I think being a first time mum is harder as it's so new and no one knows how hard being a mom is ( even when it's very very wanted) As for the hormones you are legally allowed ask to have your placenta into pill form- but ask massively in advance. I had asked too late with Eliza 😌 Animals actually eat it after birth which is gross but the placenta contains lots of vitamins and hormones to re balance you from being pregnant to after birth. It is a huge transition hormonal wise no surprise women are up and down after birth especially when you also add sleep deprivation too 😳. My sister had her placenta into pills after having her second child and used it anytime she felt low- with her first child she suffered postnatal depression as she lives in Canada and had no family near her for support it was very tough for her. She said the placenta pills made such a difference and she really advocates this. I feel much more relaxed with my third 🤗 I do know people who really just want only one child and who are also very happy 😃 it's a decision for you both to make. We didn't even consider a sibling until Francesca turned 1!🤯 I think you are brave to think about it now 🤗 you have plenty of decide with 5 chances when or if you decide to go again ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️Xx
You are right that the first time will always be hard because you don’t know what to expect. I hope if we’re lucky enough to be able to have a 2nd that my experience so far will mean I’m better equipped to deal with whatever is thrown at us xxx
my mums friend had severe mental breakdown after her first baby she ended up sectioned for a few months ( she was disillusioned that people were going to hurt her baby) so when she birthed her second child she fried her placenta and ate it ( this is in 1980's) and had no sign of postnatal depression at all. Which was amazing she had such severe depression with her first born. The hormonal imbalance can definitely be factor in postnatal depression and I'm. sure if women were given placenta pills there would be less women suffering postnatal depression and no baby blues. . I had a 20 year gap from having my first to my second child! So it was like starting again. My daughter Francesca has been much more harder going than my son Jamie ever was! 😂 now it's like we've never not had 2 small children. ❤️ You soon get into a routine and find a system that works for you ❤️ I'm sure you will have another one again when you feel ready ❤️ Xx
Hey hun, really happy to hear it is going so well and your little one is doing great. I thought I would add a slightly different perspective to the ones above from my own experience.
I am making the heartbreaking decision not to try for another although I have some frosties. The main reason is my age particularly DH’s age. He pointed out that he will be in his 70s by the time our baby girl will be in uni. My pregnancy was also quite hard on me physically so trying for another might be worse.
I would have been tempted to go for another if my DH was on board in fact I still am.🫢 I feel more prepared for motherhood now that I have been through it.
But I am so grateful to have Micah in my life and I feel so blessed everyday.
I would say go with what works for you and what your heart tells you. Whatever you decide will be right for you.
Morning, my 2nd is 6 months old. My 1st is 5 years old, so we waited quite a bit, but when I was pregnant with the 2nd I had the same worries and doubts. I was convinced I wouldn’t love her as much as the first and was worried about the bonding. But I was so wrong. It took a month or so for my eldest to adjust but she absolute adores her baby sister and so do I. I think it’s so natural to have those thoughts, I even broke down to one of midwives about it when I was pregnant and she said it was completely normal.
For a long time I was convinced we’d only have the 1 child, but when we were travelling and on holidays I realised she needed a sibling. Part of me wishes we’d have done it sooner so they’d be closer in age. But even so they have a lovely bond.
I also thought I wouldn’t cope but it’s amazing how quickly you get into the swing of things!
6 months old, gosh time really does fly 🥰! I always said never again! All through pregnancy I was adamant lol but once he was here other half convinced me on using our frozen embryos to try for a sibling (they couldn’t bare the thought of leaving them behind 😊) and we started using them when he was only 5 months. We haven’t had success yet even after another fresh egg collection so about to do another round but I do want to give it a proper go now despite feeling the same way as you around can I cope, am I too old etc my main driver being I would love our little one to have a sibling as I couldn’t imagine my life without my brother and sister BUT getting in the IVF train the 2nd time round has been harder for me as I’m now older (40) and I find the BFN after each transfer even harder after knowing it can work somehow (I thought it would easier because we already have a miracle) so not sure I will want to carry on for much longer but I think I would have regretted trying at least with the ones frozen so I think it’s a personal decision really but the ladies over on the fertility page have been so supportive as always now I’m on that journey again if you do decide to go down that route 🤗 xx
I’ve always said I will never go on contraception again due to extremely low AMH and my other half’s poor sperm.
Little one is now 5 weeks old and we’re thinking how the hell would you deal with a new born if by some kind of miracle we caught (we’re not trying yet and don’t plan to until after Xmas) and our current baby was say 1 year old. I still think we’d be bleddy mad, but my point is that I could not cope with any regret later on if we didn’t try and my menopause came, meaning we lost any chance we had.
At the end of the day, what would you regret more… not using your embies and constantly having that question mark over you, or being blessed with a second baby and it be hard for a time? Xx
hey Millbanks! So glad your little boy is a dream… we’re currently going through 4 month regression and she’s quite a cry baby 😂 when she’s not smiling
In my very practical head I wanted a sibling for my baby’s sake. We have one embryo left and it’s currently stored. In my head if it didn’t work we wouldn’t keep trying but maybe naturally and then we’d have to give up at some point because of my age. I’m 41 - and I had a c section so I shouldn’t try until spring at least next year and I’ll be 42 then. I feel if I didn’t fall pregnant by 43 +3 months then I’d be past it. However my partner says one is enough, and how would we afford nursery costs for two… which is a consideration. Also I had a bad pregnancy and bad post partum issues so my partner isn’t sure I should want to go through pregnancy again. Still… I would really like my baby girl to have a sibling so I guess we’ll revisit the idea after Xmas maybe. But you’re right two is also a big handful
There are so many things that I think about like child care costs, difficult pregnancy, post partum issues, my age, my husband’s age etc and I just can’t seem to see a way through it all.
Ultimately I’m starting to feel like I do want to try again, I’ll just have to buckle up and be ready for whatever comes this way xxx
yeah I think wait a bit and see how you feel. One isn’t really too bad. You just have to spend more time with them and make sure they have lots of friends. Just going to have to see how we both feel when we hit spring next year
Hello lovely!! Time flies by, doesn't it? My little boy is 6 months also (I think you gave birth just a couple of weeks before me?!) and I have been wondering about trying for a sibling too, although my situation is a bit different. We only have 1 PGT-A tested embryo and it is a grade C embryo, so not very good quality. I don't think we will be able to do another fresh cycle again... I will be 39 with severe endometriosis and poor quality eggs/lower ovarian reserve and my husband 47. We cannot stop thinking about our frozen embryo and want to give him/her a chance, although we are very down to earth and know that it will probably not work... after 5 years of treatments and miscarriages, what are the chances that the last 2 embryos (with the poorest grades) would both work?! Starting IVF again also fills me with dread but I think we will need to do it sooner rather than later.
It is a very personal decision but if I had more frozen embryos, I would try to use them to give my little man another little brother or sister. We lost our eldest in the second trimester.
I have friends who are an only child and they are very happy as well, but if I could choose, I think having a sibling is just so nice.
Take care, lovely, and good luck with whatever you decide to do ❤️❤️❤️ xxxx
Hey! How are you doing? I can’t believe it’s been 6 months!
It’s so lovely to hear you’ll go again with your last frostie. We all know how tough it is but the fact that we’re willing to put ourselves through it all again just shows how worth it it is..
Yes we are fortunate to have frostie for sure, although if we didn’t it wouldn’t even be a question… 🤔
So many variables and unknowns. It’s difficult to imagine opening that door again. I’m a way I feel like because it finally worked for us, why wouldn’t it work again, then I kick myself for thinking that as I know what the chances are.
I think we’d have to go in to it assuming that it wouldn’t work to protect ourselves… then be pleasantly surprised if it did 💔💖
Yes, I totally agree. I think I would assume it won’t work for us with the last frostie and then enjoy it if it does work! Doing another fresh IVF cycle is a different matter. I don’t think I/ we could go through it again but then I have changed my mind so many times during the last 5 years… 🤣🤣 We had never even imagined we would have to go through so many attempts (and so many times we wanted to give up and thought it would never happen for us) and here we are now with our gorgeous baby boy!
You are so right. If it has happened once, why wouldn’t it happen again?! If you wanted to try again you have your lovely frosties waiting for you. Keep me posted (will you go on the same autoimmune protocol again? I would need to!) and in the meantime enjoy motherhood! It is the most amazing feeling ever - still can’t quite believe this is real!! 🥰🥰Xxxx
Lone voice here but I thought I'd pipe up for the different view. I'm very much one and done. I have 6 frozen embryos too that will probably stay there for a few more years till I can definitively donate them to science (since I can't donate them to people). My little one is also a dream. Had some gas and silent reflux issues for a couple of months but they're forgotten now. 7 months is an absolute dream and he's such a happy, playful, thriving baby. THERE IS NO WAY I'm throwing a hand granade in all that 😆 I found c section recovery super tough. I would not change my choice as it is safer for babies but I was broken! And I still do not feel like myself 7 months later. Throw in money concerns (if you don't have any, that's great, but I do not understand how normal people with average jobs manage 2 sets of nursery fees, in London you're looking at £1600 a month per baby 😱 especially single women by choice). I also love my career and want to keep travelling. And I fundamentally think life would just be easier to manage with one without feeling frazzled. Don't get me wrong, lots of people have more, pretty much everyone who has written above and I also hear this little voice in my head sometimes saying "ah but it would be wonderful if he had a sibling growing up" but it has to be about EVERYONE's quality of life. I am 39 now, took me years to get here. Now we stop and I enjoy my little one to the fullest without frozen transfers and hormones, pregnancy madness, birth recovery, newborns, bigger house, twice the worry etc etc etc And if the second child had significant health issues that would be so difficult to handle (though of course you just do!). This is how I feel. I think you know deep down what the right thing is for YOU and your family.
Though if you do, you'll just make it work. I am a firm believer in that. And do not worry about not loving the second as much. I asked my mum and she says she loves my little brother more than me 😆
[I'm reminded of a saying, a variation of which, they have in different countries. "One baby is not enough, two are too many". 😆😆😆]
Thanks Bella. You absolutely hit the nail on the head in terms of the other 50% of my thoughts.
This is exactly how the other half of me feels. This is why I’m struggling to pin down what I actually want. I’m also 39 (about to be 40) and the thought of going through everything up to this point at 6 months again, fills me with dread!
But the other side of me just keeps poking me in the ribs with a dreamy image of a big happy family 😫
I do think if we didn’t try again we’d babe very happy with just our little boy 💖💖💖
Those images fck you up! And infertility does too. There is a part of me that having gone through miscarriages and failed IUIs and IVF, I'm like fck you universe, I'm gonna have ALL those frozen embabies! 😊
It took 6 transfers and 4 egg collections to get our little boy and he’s so much more amazing than I ever imagined and I don’t wanna risk f*****g that up or having to go through it all again
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