Hi Everyone, I am very nervous about writing this and have been thinking about it for a while now but my worries have got the best of me and driving me nuts. I am sorry in advanced as this is a long post but please bare with me. I am not looking or judgment I have already judged myself enough for being so stupid to not realise there is a little human growing inside of me, I had no symptoms at all! I am looking for other women who have been in the same/similar situation as me or may know someone who has and can give me a little bit of hope and reassurance.
I found out I was pregnant at 12 weeks due to irregular periods, I had bit of a bleed which I thought was a period (silly me!) During those 12 weeks I believe I drank ALOT of alcohol which isn't something I normally do. I usually drink on a night out! I exercise everyday and eat a healthy diet, all in all I am usually a healthy person.
So my alcohol consumption is the following that I worked out to the best of my knowledge:
1-4 weeks: 2 weekends away on hen dos drinking, 2/3 bottles of wine each weekend and 2/3 glasses of wine 3/4 evenings a week, on the other days I did not drink at all.
4-8 weeks: 1 wedding drank about 1 and a half bottles of wine and again 2/3 glasses of wine 3/4 evenings a week on the other days I did not drink at all.
8-12 weeks: one week I did not drink at all which I think was week 9 and the other weeks 2/3 glasses of wine on 2 nights a week.
On the evenings I drank 2/3 glasses of wine I didn't drink to get drunk and was not drunk I found it relaxed me as my mother had passed away suddenly, I worked out I conceived just before the passing of my mother.
I am now 16+3 and taking prenatal vitamins and of course have not had an alcoholic drink since I found out and have been drinking plenty of water. I have been very honest with my doctor and midwife who both said the baby should be fine and I wouldn't believe how many women have come in, in the same situation which go on to have healthy babies. My doctor was brilliant and spent at least 20 minutes reassuring me and talking in length about FAS and explained FAS is caused by mothers who are dependent and cannot give up alcohol normally before conception and continue to drink excessively though out their entire pregnancies and I asked about developmental issues when the baby is born and growing up and again he said the same thing you have to be drinking daily and excessively to cause real damage. He also told me to stay off the internet which I have abided by until now as I a worrying myself to death that I have caused irreversible damage to my baby. My Doctor also gave me some studies conducted by professionals to read which basically explained what he told me but in more detail which reassured me for a little bit.
I have also had 2 scans and the baby is developing properly and everything is what is expected but I have read so many terrifying stories online some of which some ladies are considering abortion and this hasn't even crossed my mind and is not something I am considering at all but it has terrified me. I have also read a lot of conflicting information which explains drinking in the first 12 weeks is the worst time and other information says the baby is not fully connected to you nor sharing your blood stream properly until 12 weeks+ and takes nutrients from the sac before the placenta is fully formed.
I am ashamed, embarrassed, petrified and feel absolutely horrendous with the possibility I could have caused damage to my baby. I have cried myself to sleep a few times and consistently worried which equally is not good for the baby so I try and stay calm and positive but it is consuming me and feel I have ruined my pregnancy and wont be able to enjoy the next few months. I feel very alone although I have a supportive partner. Especially as my mother recently passed away and I feel I need her more than ever now. I hope this is a safe space to voice my concerns and not be trolled for my mistake.
I have read many stories with sad outcomes and I am in the hope of looking for reassuring positive stories which will give me some hope! Any ladies who had been in a similar situation or know someone who was, I would really like to hear how your little one is getting on.
Sorry again for the long post and thank you in advanced for your help, I really hope this makes me feel even the tiniest bit better.
Ps. I am getting support for my anxieties and the passing of my mother through my midwife.