Help! Soooooo tired and fed up

Hi ladies, my daughter is 3 weeks today and I've really had enough! I am beyond tired as i'm doing all of the night feeds (husband working & early start) my husband is also totally fed up and has a cold on top of it all. LO has last feed at about 10pm (120ml of aptamil) then generally wakes at 2, 4 and 6 ish but haves between 60-120ml. We are also giving her infacol for wind. she can sleep for 4 hrs in the day so why not at night? I've been prescribed as having postnatal depression & given anti depressents but haven't started taking them yet as im hoping I will feel better. I'm fixated on when things might get easier and am finding it all so hard. I'm 40 years old and this is my only child. my in laws have offered to have her overnight on a Thursday but husband has said no as he doesn't want to put on them. im desperate and am really struggling. Going over my mums now to get some sllep. Why am I finding it so hard? I am so overwhelmed by it all . Also, we are swaddling her at night in her moses basket - could she be too hot? we have put her in her own room in the moses basket as she is such a noisy sleeper and keeps us awake all night :-( When does it get easier????????????

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16 Replies

  • Hang on in there- it does get easier. Sounds like you definitely need a night off though, the best thing I did was go & stay over at my mums while my partner did a few night shifts- baby stayed in mums room so I could get some decent sleep. Because I was there too, it meant that I could still be there if mum needed me for anything & I knew she wasn't too far. So perhaps you could try that with your in laws if it would make hubby feel better? Also, a magical thing happened that night- she started sleeping 4 hours between night feeds! Goodness knows what mum did but she was a miracle worker!! I stressed about when things would settle into a routine- but after a few good nights sleep I was able to relax more & things just fell into place xx

  • You must make the most of her day sleeps - have a nap too! I know it's easier said then done, but trust me, there's nothing better than midday snooze. My Alice is 10 weeks now and breastfed, and still wakes up every 2-3h a night. That's just what they do, cause, as midwife explained it to me, when you carry them in your belly, the motion of your day activities rocks them to sleep, so they 'play' at night when you rest. And so they carry on. You will just get use to it. Alice now only gets a feed and go back straight to sleep after 15-20 mins.

    Perhaps you could start a little bed time routine? Play, nappy change, bath, feed, sleep? Your lo is still very little, but that would be a good start. Also you should move her back to your room as she might get feel insecure on her own. Hang on in there x

  • Hi. You are not alone, I can honestly say it is the hardest thing I've ever done. So don't be hard on yourself.

    My husband used to look after my LO from 9pm -12pm so I could get a solid 3hrs sleep then he'd sleep in the other room whilst I then did the night shift! Basically I felt that if he got his sleep then he'd help me more when he got home from work.

    If your in laws are offering I'd take them up on it. Its only for the odd night so they can sleep the next day.

    your LO is doing pretty well for 3 wks old. Mine was up every 2hrs but then around 6-8 wks she slept through then around 4months went back to waking 4-6 times a night. Now at 5 months shes just started sleeping through (well the last 3 nights!) :-)

    I was totally fixated on sleep deprivation but I changed when my sister told me I had to stop focusing on the sleep.

    Focus on the good things -

    is your LO feeding in the night and going straight back to sleep (thats great)

    if your lO is doing 4 hrs in the day then it won't be long until she does it at night.

    I used a bed time routine from very early so that she would know when to do the longest sleep. I bath, feed, into bed and I use a glow worm that plays music to signify nighttime


    good luck and reconsider the medication as it might really help you x

    take care xx

  • Hey it is bloody hard so don't be too hard on urself..... It will get easier bottle fed babies can go thru the night from about 6 weeks if u have a good routine. ..I don't sleep during the day as I don't sleep properly and my lo Wakes every 2-3 hours and he is 6 months breast fed cos he won't take a bottle! I feel like crap and look it and I'm 40 on sat! But look 50! U could try introducing the comfort milk if she is suffering from wind or if u think that's ok maybe in a few weeks look at the hungrier baby milk and see what u think about that and try and get into a routine of say having ur dinner and everything done (leave the oh to tidy up etc) then start baby rountine or u do the downstairs and leave oh to do the upstairs of bathing baby at 6.30 then bottle at 7-7.30 then bed but then u go to bed and when she wakes or if she doesn't give her a bottle anyway at about 10-10.30 is called a dream feed and if u do that regularly then hopefully she will start to sleep longer they the night but the fact ur going to bed early will help u get thru too. ...I have to go to bed early sometimes as I'm a walking zombie some mornings especially if I've been up a lot in the night I feel like crying in the morning as I've got a school run so I literally get the kids dressed breakfast drink teeth clean and I'm running out the door for the school run and when I come home I'm so exhausted I just sit in a trance somedays... i can barely keep on top of my house and I'm embarrassed by it and when I do have the energy there is always more important stuff to do! Your not alone... sleep when u can it will get easier. ..I always say ur buzzing the first week when u get home and live off adrenaline but that quickly wears off when the tiredness really kicks in. ...I am forever asking new mums at the school of their lo's sleep thru the night and try not to look at all envious lol take care and keep going xxx

  • Hi heggy,

    Being a mother is & will probably be the most hardest & demanding job you will ever do, - some mothers find that their babies sleep through the day & stay awake & night or vice versa but all newborn babies need to feed on a average of 2 to 4 hours.

    You mentioned here your G.P has prescribed you some antidepressants for postnatal depression I suggest you start taking them as soon as possible as they may help you to start relaxing which in my opinion is what you need to start doing.

    I believe that babies can tend to pick up or feel our anxieties & if your stressed about the fact that she seems to be waking up too frequently for you the baby has most likely picked up on this.

  • It absolutely does get easier. It will still be hard lol but different. You can do are doing it! Regardless of being tired and fed up, you are doing it and I'm sure you are doing a great job of it too. Keep positive, believe in your abilities as a mummy, believe that one day it'll all just click and feel different/easier, take your meds, take support offered and take care of yourself just as much as you take care of your baby. You will be fine. You can do it.

  • Thank you all so much for your kind words. I've really been struggling to connect with her and feel so overwhelmed with it all. I'm looking forward to when she's a bit older but it all seems so far away. My mum is a godsend at the mo. I can't be on my own in the house for long with the baby as I feel so anxious so im constantly going to my mums or Is this normal? I feel if I can just get the next few months out the way with their help things will be easier.

  • Being a 1st time mummy is without a dougt a very hard task but its important to relax & not beat yourself up about everything.

    I also suffered with a bit of mild postnatal depression when i gave birth to my 1st child in 2008 as that birth experience was quite a traumatic event for me everything felt wrong from start to about my son being 7 months of age.

    The best thing to do in my opinion is listen to your instinct & do what you think is best for your child.


  • I've had bad anxiety with this baby. .. got worse when I was ill and cos I've not been well a few times I found I was very anxious when I was ill again starting to feel better now but still got it a bit yr doing all the right things getting help and being tired is the worse thing that's why they use sleep deprivation as a form of torture! X

  • Hello, that sounds perfectly normal for a three week old so dont worry too much. My little one is 8 weeks old and wakes up a few times during the night for a feed. I would definitely try not swaddling her as she may be uncomfortable and too hot, just use a light cellular blanket instead. It's recommended that mothers sleep in the same room as baby for the first six months - I'm currently sleeping in my livingroom with my little one so we wont disturb my husband with the night feeds - hes more of a hindrence than a help anyway lol. Try to take one day at a time and try to go with the flow - babies are demanding and their stomachs are so small they need fed little and often. I know tiredness can be overwhelming, I try to remind myself that looking after my baby is my only job right now so I just concentrate on that and its easy to wish away the time 'I cant wait till she sleeps through the night' or 'she makes too much noise' but really they are only babies for such a short time its important to live in the moment and cherish each day and sleepless night (I know easier said than done haha!) Be assured this sleeping pattern is totally normal and healthy. Enjoy the moment and try not to fixate on when things might get easier, good luck xx

  • Well said Lovestar :)

    " almost had me welling-up with tears" LOL!

  • Hi momma. You can do first daughter was a complete nightmare. I was lucky if I got 1 and half hours sleep at a time. It's so much different with my son who is now 17 weeks. He will sleep through since 9 weeks. Create a routine and stick with it, they need to be taught the difference between day and night. It's all new to them too hun. It was manic at first as I have two young girls too, so I still had to get them ready for school as well as two school drops as one is only in nursery half days atm. Try not to beat yourself up over anything. Take every bit of help that is offered to you. If your husband doesn't want you taking help then maybe he needs to help you more. Iwould say take the medication , they will only prescribe something of they think you need it. Don't see it as a negative, it's all for your own benefit. Good luck with your baby, it's all normal and will soon be easier. Enjoy them at this age, they grow up way too fast xxx

  • Hang in there. It does get easier. My little girl is 6 weeks now. We got her into a routine really early. So bath and then last feed in the evening usually at 8 pm with Phoebe and then into bed, then she wakes at 2.45 then at 5.45. Hubby and I have our tea when he gets in, if Phoebe is crying or needs entertaining we take it in turns whilst one of us eats. We then bath her together and then I do the evening feed whilst he does the washing up etc. then once Phoebe is settled we both have our bath and get into bed. How about asking your hubby to do the 10 pm feed or anything before midnight? Try to sleep when she does. And take up the offer of your in laws having her for one night even if your hubby doesn't like it you need to have a rest. It is so hard but you will get used to it. Take up offers of people cooking or freezing meals for you etc that's what has really helped me and my hubby because it's one less thing to worry about. Also have some you time, have your hair done or just go shopping for a few hours at the weekend and leave hubby with your daughter. Also if infacol doesn't work and used 4 pepets then pop her onto colief it's more expensive but so much better it breaks the lactose down in the milk before they are fed so their tummys don't have to. Also if she's waking every 2 hours try upping her bottle by an ounce. Xxx

  • I saw this and had to reply as I went through the same as my husband went back to work 3 days after my LO arrived. He is nearly 9 weeks old now and at the beginning he suffered terribly with wind at night time. He would sleep during the day but I dreaded evenings. It was so difficult because my husband was so tired I felt guilty asking for him to help. Midwives will tell you to "sleep when the baby sleeps" but I know it's difficult because you are consciously aware of all the household chores but for the sake of your sanity, you need to have day time naps. Things do begin to change though, like the above comments mention, it help if you have a strict(ish) routine, bath, bottle, bed. I found a radio next to the carrycot playing classical music helped to soothe LO, cuz if you think about it, normally in the daytime it's quite a noisy environment, tv, radio, chatting, phone ringing, washing machines etc, then night time it's so quiet, LO wonders what's going on....even having a fan on (facing away from the baby) is good as they normally love white noise. I think swaddling helps too, as they naturally fling their arms about and tend to startle themselves, so keeping them nice and snug around their arms works wonders. I also find that (if you bottle feed) I keep the bottles at room temp for the day, then the the last one before bed, I give him more and warm it up, tends to zonk him out for a few hours. It does take time but hang in there. Take help when offered. My parents looked after LO overnight at 3 weeks old, and if it wasn't for that I would have started to lose my mind. Just one night off can really benefit your health. It's too early for your baby to establish between night and day at the moment, but you will get there! Xx

  • You poor thing. It does get easier,I promise. You might be feeling bombarded with advice but just to give a different view, I found it much easier when I gave up on routine and took a more relaxed approach. I think some babies respond well to routine, but mine definitely didn't. Take all help offered, you're doing a great job. X

  • Hi. I'm afraid I can't offer much real life experience as mine is still cooking but I have a few new mum and old mum friends who have all been helpfully honest about how hard the first few weeks/months are. One cried constantly for 3 weeks, one really didn't connect with her baby til 3 months, so you sound completely normal to me! everyone has agreed the sleep is so hard but just grab it when you can and ignore the housework. Sleep in another room, they all agreed having oh have a good night sleep made him much more use during the day and you can trust at least one of you is half with it! Do take any help offered, no one wants to see you struggle, and one of the other ladies is right, chin up, you can do it you ARE doing it! Love the idea that oh takes the 9-12 shift so you sleep then, I'm remembering that one! Xx

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