New guy with PPMS: Hello all. My name is... - My MSAA Community

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New guy with PPMS

TexasLawman
TexasLawman
โ€ข72 Replies

Hello all. My name is Aaron. I found out I had MS 15 years ago and after a year of MRI it was determined that I have primary progressive MS. I worked for several years until the symptoms forced me to retire from my job in law enforcement after 28 years. I am single and finding it hard to meet someone who doesn't run at the mention that I have this issue. It sucks and is a huge blow to my fragile male ego! haha

Aaron

72 Replies
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Jesmcd2
Jesmcd2CommunityAmbassador

Hi TexasLawman nice to meet you! I am sorry about the MS ๐Ÿ˜” it does suck! I'm also sorry you have a fragile ego. That sucks to.๐Ÿ˜”๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿคฃ

I'm really hoping you can take a joke.๐Ÿ™ˆ

Welcome ๐Ÿค—๐Ÿ’•๐ŸŒ 

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TexasLawman
TexasLawman
in reply to Jesmcd2

Hey Jes. Yes, I can take a joke if you can take it right back! haha I never thought I would be single again as I was married for a long time. It is humiliating for me to have a cane, but my doctor made me promise to use it and I am a man of my word. I am a psychologist by education and a Criminologist by trade. I will figure a way to explain the cane in more general ways than throwing out the MS thing. I do know that the right one will eventually come along, but patience is not a virtue I have. :)

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mrsmike9buffering

Perhaps your cane's reason for use is to round up the criminals. Like a shepherds' crook!

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Jesmcd2
Jesmcd2CommunityAmbassador
in reply to TexasLawman

If it's humiliating to use your cane, then your not using it right TexasLawman ๐Ÿค” here's the deal, stand up straight, and look them in the eyes, and tell them MS is contagious! Then trip towards them! ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿคฃ No more embarrassed ๐Ÿ˜!๐Ÿค—๐Ÿ’•๐ŸŒ 

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greaterexp
greaterexpCommunityAmbassador
in reply to TexasLawman

My darling husband got me a rather dashing-looking cane, which has a fake sword inside. I'm sure you could find one that will make you look like Fred Astaire or James Bond.

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KerryOkie

The right one will love and cherish you, warts and all. Welcome to the neighborhood!

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Peruzzot

I was an Army MP. The other day I was at the VA and one of my fellow vets had a very fascinating cane. It was hand carved out of wood and had a 3d snake coilling all the way around from the bottom to the top. When he holds it, it looks like he's holding the snake by the throat! It's a conversation starter that helps him get around. Maybe you could do something similar that fits your taste better than a standard cane.

Welcome to the group.

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greaterexp
greaterexpCommunityAmbassador

Welcome! Thanks for your work in law enforcement. What a challenging job!

I've often wondered how the dating thing works under any circumstances anymore, but dating with MS has to add a whole different dimension. One of our members here, who has MS, recently got engaged to someone who has transverse myelitis. So there is hope!

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Cabycat

If people are running because of the MS, then you really don't want to be with them anyway! Life is uncertain. No one knows what tomorrow will bring.

Having been married for 40 years, I have no recent experience in meeting people! But there are dating sites for every other group, so maybe there's one for you! Good luck!

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TexasLawman
TexasLawman
in reply to Cabycat

I did join a dating site. I decided on Match. I have made several dates with women who I thought had character, but when meeting them, they asked about the cane and I told them. They all almost immediately had a bullshit excuse to leave and then ghosted me.

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falalalala

The cane is actually helping you weed out the not so good ones and you don't even have to beat them with it!Win-Win! ๐Ÿคฃ

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TexasLawman

I know, right? But what if I want to beat them with my cane. I was a cop after all and everyone knows that cops are racist bullies who prey on innocent law abiding citizens!! hahaha

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falalalala

You will have to control yourself unless you like being on tv?

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TexasLawman

Bad boys bad boys!! haha Thing is that the work I did was not privy to the media and rarely to the public. We don't go by the same rules and street police. I retired as Commander of the Texas Bureau of Investigation. It is a unit of elite police officers and no one knows we exist. We took complex and extremely violent cases, investigated, served warrants and indicted some of the worst criminals in Texas. I loved the job and feel that I was very good at it.

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falalalala

We need people like you :)

Did you do profiling?

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leapsnbounds

The only thing is please allow me to help you. I have a cane too. :-) I've been though it. People can be very tough. You will get through this Mr. TX. It's tough but we are here for you.

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TexasLawman

Thank you. I do understand that having the cane helps me weed out the women I don't want in my life anyway. It just pisses me off that I didn't pick up on their character right away. Profiling is, after all, my career. haha

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falalalala

lol! I just saw this.

Now I have another q for you.

How much can you really tell from a profile on a dating site(r anywhere else, for that matter)?

I imagine that everybody wants to show themselves in the best way possible.

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TexasLawman

Well, I don't profile what they say exactly, but what they don't say and how they say what they do. It isn't easy and it isn't very accurate. A voice is better, actions or face to face and I will know everything.

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falalalala

Exactly. I recently went back to a social site where I was told a former member had died.

That is when they found out that this person was not who he said he was.

He made up convoluted tales of adventure on the high seas and apparently romanced several of the women there.

The strange thing was is how these same people, in finding out that they were told lies from the get -go, heaped high praise on him.

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TexasLawman

I don't know what you are saying here.

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falalalala

Lol! I was just musing on how people can get fooled by words & not really know anything about the person.

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TexasLawman

People will believe what they want to believe. Look at politics in this country today. It is psychological and a defense mechanism we all have. We want to see good even where there isn't any.

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falalalala

I get that.

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IFwczs
IFwczs
in reply to TexasLawman

I was looking for a guy for 5 years, and I was simultaneously on 5 dating sites. That was 15 years before I was diagnosed and even had any symptoms. I would disclose your condition to someone you connect with before you meet them on the phone or by email. To the right woman. Don't surprise them in person. MS has a million symptoms and a million faces. What are yours? Concentrate on the positive.

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falalalala

Welcome!

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leking1

Welcome, Texas Lawman! Being single and having MS is a combination that makes us hard to market! I've lived with MS for 38 years now, and my Doctor told me the same thing, she told me she did not want to see me without my cane again. And she hasn't...I ALWAYS

use it when I go to see her!

Sometimes I use it other places, sometimes I don't/ The most important thing I've learned in all these years of living with this mess we call MS, is try your best to keep a sense of humor! I have friends and family who don't understand this, but that is their issue. As long as I can find something to laugh about, I will be OK! You will too! Weed out those losers who see your cane, but don't see YOU...she will come along and see you when the time is right. May the Angels watch over you.

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TexasLawman
TexasLawman
in reply to leking1

Oh I do. Humor is my main coping mechanism. I make up jokes about having MS, I laugh at myself when I do something stupid or forget things. I have a shirt I like to wear that says "I used to be nice to look at. But now, thanks to MS, I am just fun to watch!!" haha The friends I have left just roll their eyes at the crap I will wear.

I made up a joke: A person with MS walks into a bar....

then a chair, a table, and eventually a wall before falling down! :)

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leking1
leking1
in reply to TexasLawman

That's a good one! I use humor to cope too..I had to, when still in the early days after my DX, and I was giving a presentation to a group of Academic Advisors at the University of SC, and just as I turned to the board, and pointed to whatever it was to make my point, I felt one side of my rear end go into massive spasms..they never took their eyes off of me for the rest of the meeting!

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TexasLawman
TexasLawman
in reply to leking1

With a dancing butt cheek, I bet they didn't. Probably didn't hear another word you said. That is too funny!!!

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leking1
leking1
in reply to TexasLawman

As I said, MS is funny! You just never know what might happen next! And I haven't been back to that place since! I did work for many years, but I had to retire in 2010, when my MS decided it wanted to be SPMS and stay with me all the time...

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TexasLawman
TexasLawman
in reply to leking1

You are right. There is one thing to be said about MS. It isn't a boring disease. I wake in the morning hating life, make sure I can still move everything and then think to myself "what kind of crap am I going to have to deal with today!" haha

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leking1
leking1
in reply to TexasLawman

Exactly! I set my coffee

at night, because I've learned that I can't count scoops in the morning. All I have to do is turn on the pot, and wait a couple of minutes. Even though I live alone, I ALWAYS make a full pot, as I average spilling 1 or 2 cups every morning! Hang in there, Aaron, maybe your butt cheek will start dancing, and nobody will notice anything else!

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TexasLawman
TexasLawman
in reply to leking1

haha Lets hope one of my buttcheeks doesn't start dancing. That would be dangerous. Lets just say that the song "Baby Got Back" wasn't about a girl! :)

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leking1
leking1
in reply to TexasLawman

So true! Hope you have a great day!

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pamgarner

welcome texas lawman! do you have a ms community around you? might be a good starting place to find someone special,if nothing else you might find someone who has a sister....everyone there would understand a cane.best of luck...

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TexasLawman

There is a support group near me. Only one. They never talk about MS or anything about it mostly. They spend their time talking in small groups or playing silly games. No real MS support. I go every now and then, but miss more than I go.

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leapsnbounds

Hi Aaron, Welcome. You are at a good place. Everyone is so friendly and helpful here. You will enjoy it here and find that you are not alone. That has been so huge for me. I understand how you feel about meeting someone. I have never been married and would love to be. Some time ago I shared with a gentleman that I had MS and he began to cry and I never heard from him again. It's still tough. Still not married. But one thing I've learned, even if it were not MS they would run at the first sight of a challenge. Would we want someone in our life as such? You WILL meet someone but the right person who is meant to be. That person was not meant to be in your life. I hope that you have a great weekend! :-)

I don't feel the best right now but I am going to do something fun. :-)

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Texandyroe

Welcome to this wild and crazy forum! Quick question - where in Texas are you, if you donโ€™t mind sharing? Iโ€™m in Deep South Texas (Edinburg) and am constantly trying to find other MSers down here. (No, Iโ€™m not looking to date you...happily married for 47 years...but I do have a single sister - haha!).

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TexasLawman

I live in north central Texas in Fort Worth. It is right next to Dallas. I like this city. Almost a million people, but still has that small town vibe. People here are friendly for the most part. Will talk for an hour to a stranger, hold open doors, and smile. Unless you are on the road, then it is every man for himself. haha

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Peruzzot

Dallas Fort Worth...The spider web of overpasses!! I've driven through there many times. You're right about the traffic there.

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mrsmike9buffering

Many have said it above, but if women run from a good guy like you because of a cane??? There is no substance to them. I would think as a former lawman you would want someone with character and therefore would stick with you. The ones that run don't know who they're missing...it's their loss. There is no way I would want such shallow people in my life. Keep trying. There are many of us of substance out there. You just have to weed through the others to get to the roses.

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TexasLawman

I know and I agree with you 100%. I am talking to someone new who told me she was in another town helping her dad who just got out of the hospital after a fall. She asked me if that was a deal breaker! Are you kidding me? Hell no, it isn't a deal breaker, it is a bonus! Maybe she has the character I am looking for. She sure has the smile and eyes!

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mrsmike9buffering

Yeah!!! I like a guy who likes smiles and eyes and leaves out "other body parts". Character is so much more than boobs and butts!

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TexasLawman

Butts are pretty nice too!! LOL

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mrsmike9buffering

Hahahaha. On men, when I was dating, it was hands. You could tell so much from hands. I didn't like pretty hands on a guy, you know...soft. It had to be someone who worked with their hands. Tougher. I got a great one! Married 32 1/2 years!

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TexasLawman

My father was raised on a ranch and became an Army officer. I know how to work with my hands. Found a 1969 GTO that I found out had been sitting in that pasture for 30 years. I bought her and restored her to mint condition. I rebuilt everything but kept her original. She was appraised at $130,000. My wife named her Mathilda and said she was my mistress. haha

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mrsmike9buffering

Nice! We used to have a...think it was a '61, Falcon station wagon. My dad loved it because that was the same model of car he paid cash for! I remember well riding in the back with my sister. My other sister and two brothers took up the back seat. We sold that.

We restored our first home (built in 1890), built our second - which was two stories and had a finished basement - not good for MS, and now are redoing our current home built in 1959. A lot of work but it makes it "ours".

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TexasLawman

Yes, I had a hard time finding this home to buy. I wanted a chef's kitchen, large rooms, and single level. hard to find all of the above in the same home.

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mrsmike9buffering

Chef's kitchen? You must like to cook. I struggle to come up with things to make. It's a wonder all the kids survived. It will be some time until we can afford to do our 1970's kitchen. It's dreadful.

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bxrmom

Welcome to this wonderful group TexasLawman Sorry to hear about the shallow people you have unfortunately tried to date, but the right one is out there. I have had rrms for 13 years now (can't believe it's been that long already!). As others have said, the right one is out there, it just takes time. It is usually when you least expect it, they appear. Good luck to you. Look forward to meeting you.

Jessie

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TexasLawman
TexasLawman
in reply to bxrmom

How many boxers do you have? 3? more? haha

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bxrmom
bxrmom
in reply to TexasLawman

At one time, I had 3 Boxers. My last one passed away 2 years ago. Now I only have my 10-year-old Staffordshire mix, Caddie.

Jessie

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TexasLawman
TexasLawman
in reply to bxrmom

I have 2 English Mastiffs, one of which is my service animal. She is also a Therapy animal. They are both therapy animals and I love taking them to children's hospitals and nursing homes. They both eat up the attention. They are huge (245# AND 187#) but are truly "gentle giants." My boys grew up with Priscilla who is 15 yrs old. She is the service animal, but I have retired her because of her age. I don't take her places anymore other than outside to do her business. I am going to be devastated when she passes. She is wicked smart and understand around 200 english and 14 Italian words.

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Peruzzot

Let me see if I can guess 2 of the Italian words she knows "pepperoni pizza". I had a Great Dane as a kid and he knew those words. His ears would perk up every time he hear them. He could spell to. He was the first one to the door when he heard c a r and he'd go hide when v e t was said...that usually meant shots and he didn't like those. My sister tried tricking him once by saying "We're going to the c a r." He started heading for the door. But she didn't wait long enough for him to get closer for the leash before she continued with "so we can go to the v e t." He turned around and skedaddled off into another room as fast as he could move slipping on the linoleum floor!! My dad and I were laughing so hard we couldn't breath!

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CraigS

Hi Aaron,

Welcome to the world of MS. I also have PPMS. Itโ€™s a weird disease that affects everyone differently. Like you, I was forced to cut my working life short. I havenโ€™t been dating, my wife would probably object. Used a cane for a year or more, now itโ€™s the wheelchair. Now thatโ€™s a chick magnet, right! I wish you well and hope youโ€™ll find someone that will overlook the silly walk and see your inner self. Life is interesting, sucks sometimes, sucks less other times. Once in a while I can almost forget that Iโ€™m broken.

Good luck to you.

C

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TexasLawman
TexasLawman
in reply to CraigS

Wives and girlfriends tend to frown on outside dating. Like are you really that selfish? I don't who you are anymore. hahaha

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9-1950

Hi Aaron. I'm Joan from Oslo, Norway. I am fascinated as to how you've kept working in such a demanding field (I assume) for so long after your diagnosis. Maybe you have a mild version. Perhaps you've had a desk job or maybe you're just really determined. Is a cane enough to keep you mobile after so many years? Best wishes. Joan:)

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TexasLawman
TexasLawman
in reply to 9-1950

Hello Joan. Norway is definitely on my bucket list of places to travel. No, I didn't have desk job. I kicked in doors, fought offenders as opposed to using my weapon, and chased bad guys. I am no stranger to pain and I am able to put it in the back of my mind and ignore it. I am stubborn as most Texas men are and I worked as long as I felt that is was safe to me and the other officers I worked with. When I didn't feel like a good partner, I turned in my shield. It was a hard thing to do and I went through an existential crises for a while at first, but I am now getting to know the "new me" and I think I might like him.

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mrsmike9buffering

My youngest daughter spent a semester in Ireland going to college. On one of her breaks she and a friend went to Norway. The pictures she took!!! It looks incredible!

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TexasLawman

I know, right? I have been to some beautiful places and also live in wonderful landscapes in France and Italy, but I would love to spend time in the Netherlands.

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mrsmike9buffering

I was there, once, for a brief time. I spent more time in Germany (3 trips), 2 trips to Russia (adopting 2 boys) and 1 trip to China (got a girl there). LOVE to travel!!!

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Peruzzot

Where did you go in Italy? I was stationed there with the Army for many years.

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twooldcrows

people run for anything they may make them not able to keep up with them ....just like yourself and tell yourself you will find the right one ....keep looking try going to some of the MS meetings...you will meet some that won't run and be able to talk to you ...it is hard we had a really young gentlemen in early 20's ...he hated not finding anyone young with this disease ...ha they will run for lots of reasons so just keep looking...if you are nice and friendly ...keep looking ...good luck sounds funny but it goes for even if you didn't have it ...smile and laugh ...it all helps ....

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1180Hope

I really can't understand that type of reaction. I have no idea what types of limitations you have, nor their severity. Sounds as if you just haven't been around the right people yet. They REALLY are out there. Just remember, the attitude you project has a lot to do with others' perceptions of you. A smile and a happy, confident attitude put most people at ease.

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TexasLawman

I understand this. I am not going to stop trying, I will just be more picky than I already am before setting up another date. :) Thank you.

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VelvetBunny

Good evening TexasLawman. Welcome, I am happy that you are here. Your story is my story too. The only difference is that I am a female. I know that MS can be challenging. I stay positive and focus on what I can do. Plus, I never, ever give up. I think to myself, move, adapt or die. For me dating has not been happening. The MS is a deal breaker. I also use a cane. I decided that I will only date a man that has MS. I have not found anyone. As the saying goes, you are kind, you are smart and you are important. I look in the mirror every morning and say that to myself. You are stronger than you think. I hope to hear from you. Please take care.

๐Ÿ๐ŸฆŽ๐Ÿฆ‹๐Ÿฆœ๐Ÿ›ฅ๐Ÿ–๐Ÿ‡บ๐Ÿ‡ธ๐ŸŠ๐Ÿ ๐Ÿฆ‘๐Ÿก๐Ÿ™๐Ÿฆ๐Ÿ๐Ÿณ๐ŸŸ๐ŸŒด

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Hest19

Oh TexasLawman, I see already right here that your charm is captivating. There are plenty of good women out there, on here, with or without MS that will surely appreciate what you have to offer! I never realized how shallow people can be. The truth is that all people have issues/defects; they just donโ€™t wear them on their sleeve, ( or with a cane). And no-one knows what tomorrow will bring. Whoever doesnโ€™t know this by the time they are a mature adult (whenever that actually happens) does not know what is important in life. And what is not. You have a lot going for you. Golly, MS sucks to deal with and talk about because people fear what they donโ€™t know. I know my MS is not fun, and can be limiting in a different way for each of us; but we are strong in spite of it, and sometimes because of it. You WILL find a woman worthy I am totally convinced. I used to go regularly to MS educational events, lectures and there were plenty of singles there that were worth a second look. :) I am married so couldnโ€™t look toooo long but I guarantee there were a couple worthy. Best of luck; Iโ€™ve had this diagnoses for 10 years and still hesitate to bring it up sometimes because truly there are a lot of ignorant people out there, that can say hurtful things, because they do not know better. I try to forgive and forget but some words have a way of popping back into my head. Today i just remind myself that they just donโ€™t know better!

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TexasLawman
TexasLawman
in reply to Hest19

Charm is it? Thop it! I bet you say that to all the girls. Yes, fear of the unknown is an innate fear all beings have no matter the species. One of them anyway. Yes, I do have a lot going for me and it used to make me arrogant in my ignorant youth. I am self confident even with MS because I have talents that go beyond my physical limitations. I am a psychologist by education and a criminologist by trade. I am very good at what I did. I am not a half way kind of guy. My father taught me to be true to myself, my word is all I have, and never do anything halfassed. I have lived a full life. I have a great life. Great sons. Talk to every woman I have ever had a serious relationship with. Even my high school sweetheart. I respect people and am unable to lie as a civilian. I can lie with the best of them as a cop, but can't as a person. I also have never cheated. I think that is the lowest. If I am not happy with you and want someone else, I would go after them. That has never happened. I loved my ex and was heart broken when she called it off after so many years but I don't hold a grudge because I still love her and we have children we share.

I will find someone. Someone that is worthy and willing to be loved and cared for. I may not walk very well and am not able to stand for any length of time, but I can do just about anything else. I do work out several days a week at a gym and that helps me deal with the pain I lived with for over 13 years. I teach classes for a Texas agency called TCLEOSE. Basically I teach cops how to be better cops. I can teach anything from report writing to how to deescalate a deadly force engagement. I don't like it because I am not much on teaching. The person who said "there is no such thing as a stupid question" has never had to teach rookie cops who are full of themselves anything. Yes, there are millennials in law enforcement. God help us all. haha

I am pretty much a smartass so when people say stupid things because they are ignorant, I let them know surreptitiously how ignorant they are. Sometimes it may take them a minute to process and that makes me laugh a little inside. Ok, I laugh a lot inside. I don't look sick? Well, you don't look stupid. haha

I talk to much. Don't worry about me. I will find someone. Even if I have to use a little psychology to root out there true character.

Aaron

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Pia7

Hi Texas Lawman and welcome to this group. After 25 years of marriage my husband decided to leave me. We will be signing divorce papers in a week or so. So I havenโ€™t tried dating! About ten years ago I met a man at physical therapy who knew I had ms but was interested in me anyway. He was attractive and divorced with children close in ages to mine. Unlike me, he didnโ€™t have an illness, just hurt his shoulder. I put a stop to his pursuit by assuring him that I was happily married. So maybe there is going to be someone else out there for us who wonโ€™t care if we have ms. Just continue to be the best you can be inside and out.

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TexasLawman

Yeah, I know. I am too stubborn to quit and I think people misunderstod my minirant as a sign of defeat. Not even for a second! haha

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mm1527mm

Hello, this is a great group. I was recently diagnosed in july. It is nice to speak to others with ms who understand

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