Hoy no imagino mi vida sin esclerosis, creo que siempre lo supe solo que no me acordaba. Al principio transitaba el momento del diagnóstico a diario, como una película de 5 minutos que se repetía una y otra vez en mi cabeza, analizando las palabras pronunciadas y los gestos realizados, en verdad no sé porque lo hacía, supongo que tal vez estuviera tratando de encontrar el detalle que indique que todo fue una confusión, no lo sé. Luego del diagnóstico siguieron días duros, duros de verdad, me empecinaba por mirar las fotos y pensar, en silencio si ahí estaba “sano” o no, incluso lo hacía con fotos en la que yo no estaba, en el caso de que la respuesta sea afirmativa automáticamente me envolvía una especie de melancolía que requería de un esfuerzo para quitármela fuera de mí.
Poco a poco las lágrimas fueron desapareciendo, y la información invadía mi cabeza, surgieron “mágicos” tratamientos y ganas de “haceres” desmedidos, fue un tiempo caótico donde todo era extremo, mucho ruido y luces seguidas de silencios y oscuridad, sin grises, como si el mundo terminase mañana. Hasta que al fin nos quedamos solos, la esclerosis y yo, al fin nos veíamos a la cara, sin intermediarios, sin representantes, era el tiempo de aclarar las cosas y decidir cómo íbamos seguir. De ese encuentro poco puedo decir (pacto entre confidentes) solo que entendí que siempre estuvo conmigo, que siempre habitó en mí, y que, aunque no aparecía, siempre estuvo en todas las fotos. Hicimos las pases y entendí que si había podido antes, hoy podía, solo habían cambiado un par de variables, pero seguían las constantes. Fue entonces cuando apareció la idea de hacer un IronMan, la locura de hacer un IronMan y poder dar buenas noticias, demostrar que se puede, ya me había peleado con todos los miedos y salimos empatados, solo quedaba lo imposible, “de lo posible se sabe demasiado” dice Silvio.
Fue entonces cuando las variables se volvieron a mi favor, corría, pedaleaba y nadaba como un loco, solamente quería llegar, quería saber que se podía, quería comprobarlo en carne propia (siempre he sido muy desconfiado). Poco a poco fui descubriendo que lo mejor estaba en el camino y comencé a mirar a mis costados, al hacerlo descubrí una multitud que callada me seguía y perfumaban el camino, y entibiaban el agua, y eran los que me empujaban cuando las piernas no podían más. ahí supe que lo iba a lograr, hoy creo que me tendrían que haber descalificado con tanta gente corriendo a mi lado, es mucha ventaja.
Hoy sigo en el camino, con la remera de “finisher IronMan 70.3” corriendo, pedaleando y nadando, pero tomándome más tiempo para mirar al costado, seguramente otros IronMan están por venir pero lo más importante es que seguramente en algún lugar a alguien le están diagnosticando esclerosis múltiple y seguramente está mirando sus fotos, a ellos les tengo una buena noticia, SE PUEDE SALIR ADELANTE!!! , lo sé por experiencia (siempre fui muy desconfiado).
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bagualpa
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Today I can not imagine my life without sclerosis, I think I always knew it only that I did not remember. At the beginning I went through the diagnosis on a daily basis, like a 5 minute film that was repeated over and over in my head, analyzing the words uttered and the gestures made, I really do not know why I was doing it, I suppose maybe I was trying to find the detail that indicates that everything was a confusion, I do not know. After the diagnosis followed hard days, really hard, I stubbornly looked at the photos and think, silently if there was "healthy" or not, I even did it with photos that I was not in, in the case that the answer affirmative automatically I was enveloped in a kind of melancholy that required an effort to take it away from me.
Little by little the tears were disappearing, and the information invaded my head, "magic" treatments arose and desire of "doings" excessive, it was a chaotic time where everything was extreme, a lot of noise and lights followed by silences and darkness, without grays, as if the world ends tomorrow. Until finally we were alone, the sclerosis and I, at last we saw each other in the face, without intermediaries, without representatives, it was time to clarify things and decide how we were going to continue. From that encounter I can say little (agreement between confidants) only that I understood that he was always with me, that he always lived in me, and that, although he did not appear, he was always in all the photos. We made the passes and I understood that if I had been able before, today I could, only a couple of variables had changed, but the constants were still there. It was then that the idea of making an IronMan appeared, the madness of making an IronMan and being able to give good news, to show that it is possible, I had already fought with all the fears and we were tied, only the impossible remained, "as much as possible He knows too much, "says Silvio.
It was then that the variables turned in my favor, I ran, I pedaled and I swam like crazy, I just wanted to get there, I wanted to know that I could, I wanted to prove it in my own flesh (I've always been very distrustful). Little by little I discovered that the best was on the road and began to look at my sides, as I did I discovered a crowd that followed me quietly and perfumed the way, and warmed the water, and were the ones who pushed me when my legs could not plus. I knew I was going to achieve it, today I think I should have been disqualified with so many people running by my side, it's a big advantage.
Today I'm still on the road, with the t-shirt of "finisher IronMan 70.3" running, pedaling and swimming, but taking more time to look to the side, surely other IronMan are coming but the most important thing is that somebody is probably somewhere diagnosing multiple sclerosis and is surely looking at your photos, I have good news for them, YOU CAN LEAVE AHEAD !!! I know it from experience (I was always very suspicious).
jesmcd2 Thank you for translating this. I skimmed it but I don't read the language (is it Portuguese?); there were just enough Spanish cognates that with the help of the photo I got the gist. How wonderful that our community reaches such a diverse audience! MSAA and Healthunlocked should take pride in this accomplishment.
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