Winter Solstice

[ChocolatePot]

Tomorrow is winter solstice and hubby always used to look forward to it as he suffered from SAD amongst all the other things. Tomorrow it will be 10 months since he did not wake up anymore. And today I finally contacted Cruse to help me. Been doing okay just pottering along, just ambling away. But as I reflected, I know I need more than just pottering along and eating all the wrong rubbish and ballooning out and sideways! So for me it will be time hopefully to find myself and figuring out what I want and what is next for me. I know hubby would not be pleased at all with me as I am now. Thinking of all of you who have MSA or like me have cared for or are still caring for someone with this dreadful idiotic disease. Take care all and take care of yourself first and foremost! Happy Christmas and I hope a better New Year. <<<HUGS>>> to all of you

[Niknak74]

Glad your looking after yourself. It's coming up to 3 months since my husband passed away and your right, they wouldn't be happy if we weren't looking after ourselves.

Have the best Christmas you can and a peaceful New Year...to all carers and those managing this dreadful condition.

Love to all xxx

[heysunshine]

Chocolate Pot, It's been 11 months since my husbands passing. And like you I am trying to figure out who I am without him. It is a process to get through and this month of December has been the worst for me. He was the heart of our Christmas.

We reflect and thank God that we pushed through with his last Christmas in 2020 despite Covid restrictions!

But I know, like you that he would want me to 'carry on'. So we will have a candle lit and a drink to toast his memory!

Cheers! Merry Christmas!

🙏🕯️🎄🖤

[ChocolatePot in reply to heysunshine]

my hubby was a super big Bah Humbug!This year it will be just me on my own. But it has been like that now for so long it is the new normal. You take care and I will raise a glass of red to anyone and everyone

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💗🕯️

[Niknak74]

I'm back with another thought ChocolatePot...I woke up this morning thinking "I'm not looking forward to Christmas monring , I just need to get through it as its the first without Paul"...I then caught myself and thought I'm literally pre-planning sadness into my calender! Why am I doing that?? Because I'm told the 'firsts' of everything are really hard...

Okay...So now my stance is I'm fully rejecting this...I'm going to wake up on Christmas morning on my own, or rather with my cat Henry, and I'm going to be grateful I have a Christmas safe and warm in my home, grateful I will be seeing my mum and stepdad for lunch, grateful I got to spend 18 christmasses with my lovely husband, and grateful that he's no longer struggling and he's at peace. Then I'm going to get up, get on and smile because I'm not going to pre-plan sadness into my schedule anymore...or ever again for that matter...now Im aware that's what I was doing unconsciously.

If I feel sad, I'll feel sad and thats totally okay...but I will not pre-plan sadness and pain for myself...I don't think I deserve to feel that way...🙂

I don't want to feel bad all the time...it won't bring Paul back and it won't make my life better...it actually makes it a whole lot worse...I just felt compelled to share this and hope I haven't offended anyone...🙌 xxxx

[ChocolatePot in reply to Niknak74]

you are so right, plus our other halves would hate us to be wallowing in self pity!Due to Covid the rest of my family is on the continent, but even before all this house of cards fell down I was on my own, so now I get to lounge in bed as long as I want or can stand it and then go for the chocolates! No eye rolls or anything. Just do what I want to do. It is still very strange not to have to look after him and put him first, but I am oh so happy not to be woken up at 5 and having to get up and get going. So I am grateful for the little things. I know my husband would hate me not living fully, but that is okay too. I get there in my own time. Baby steps! Don't worry about offending anyone, you need to live your own life at your own pace! Don't let anyone dictate what is right or wrong. There is no right or wrong. Enjoy the holidays as much as you can. Don't feel guilty

[Helenhooter in reply to Niknak74]

You go girl 👍🎄🤗😘

[Niknak74]

Your rather an inspiration ChocolatePot and I'm totally with you...

Thank you for your reply and lets both eat chocolate on Christmas morning...😊 I'll raise my thorntons to you!

Sending much love and enjoy lounging...guilt free xx

[Helenhooter]

The same to you too XXX 🤗😘🤗

[heysunshine]

Niknak74, I LOVED YOUR POST !!!What you have said about the expectation that the 'firsts' are going to be sad and horrible is so true! You put into words exactly what I have felt about reframing my mindset about getting through each milestone. I wake up each day and before I hop out of bed think about what I am grateful for... just to kick start a 'good' day. This month has been particularly challenging, but I allow myself to be in the moment of loneliness and stillness and take time for myself to stay in my jammies for the whole day if I feel like it. Then I pre-determine that the next day will be a better one and have one thing on my daily agenda to accomplish - even a very small thing.

So like you... I will not pre-plan sadness! In fact I have spent the first milestones planning happiness to mark the occasions! When I look back on 2021 in the new year... I want to see that my journey was one of gratitude for what is and had bright lights punctuated throughout. Purposefully creating happy memories to savour!

Cheers to you and all the wonderful people on this forum! YOU ARE ALL SO AWESOME!

🙏👏😇

[Niknak74 in reply to heysunshine]

Fab post heysunshine and just lovely to read...your in the same mindset as myself!

Theres no getting away from it being heartbreaking when you lose someone you love and you've cared for, but to try and keep planning your own happiness thereafter, knowing they'd want that for you, gives us a vague chance at moving forward without such a heavy heart.

And I agree...everyone on this forum is rather awesome! 😊

So lucky to have found it and be able to share the challenges and the wins with each other. Nothing better than knowing there's people out there who just 'get it.'

Keep smiling xxx ❤