Relationship

[Devon2023]

Daughter 20 severe learning needs, autism, bi polar, x3 years ago pyschosis and breakdown and social anxiety disorder managed to go to a club for adults woth learning disability with her enabler. On return she spoke of someone who works there non stop then found him in fb. She has been back x2 times and told she is now dating him. Turns out he has adhd and autism is 28, lives in supported living but is very independent and functioning mentally way above my daughters level.

We thought we should meet and last 5 nights he has been with us for lunch, dinner and we paid for zoo and more he claims to have no money. He's very polite but I think he's latching onto a family as without he seems to have no one but work.

On one hand I feel for him being lonely but think that could be using our daughter to get a family etc as they def don't function on the same level. Also can't keep paying for him we barely got by before. Have told him see him Sunday now but he tried to hint he would see us before. Also have my autistic son here who needs routine and calm and its affecting his mood.

Any advice welcome . 🙏

[Galwaybay2]

Probably the only advice is that boundaries need to be set. He will have benefits/income presumably, so he can know in advance what it might cost him. It is fairer and kinder to be straight with him so that he knows where he stands and your resentment doesn't get in the way of their relationship. Tough love!

[Annabellelily Community friend]

That’s a tough one. It’e clear that you deeply care about your children, but also emphasise with his situation, so I think you’re approaching this very well and I think you’re doing great by being so thoughtful about it all. For what you should do, I agree with Galwaybay2 that setting boundaries and being firm from now on is the best course of action. He can still spend time in your daughter and family’s life, but you shouldn’t feel obliged to give him more time/money/everything else than what you deem appropriate for you and your family. Wishing the best of luck to you in this situation going forward!