sister with learning difficulties has become obsessed with going to the pub

[Y80jan]

my sis is 53 and lives independently but has a few obsession issues. Everything she does is done to excess. I have looked after her from afar since mum died 12 years ago. She has decided her local pub is now full of her best friends and she is spending many hours there. She does not like to be questioned and will not listen to reason. She is lying to me constantly about her whereabouts and is being coached by people in the pub who do not understand her condition. I have no idea what she is getting herself into and cannot protect her. (Scammed in the past and lost money, got involved in adult activity in a diet club! )

I feel she has decided that I am a hinderence to her as she does not like anyone trying to reason with her.

Am at the end of my tether as I don’t know what to do ?

[oakvill]

I don't have any advice for you but this kind of thing is my worst fear for my adult daughter with a learning disability (she is 19) - she is already obsessed with wanting to go out to the pub and clubs but she has no way of doing it thankfully (unless with a group which is totally fine). I wonder whether her social worker would help? Good luck, she is lucky to have a sister who cares enough to worry if this is ok.

[Y80jan in reply to oakvill]

thank you … my sis doesn’t have a social worker or any support .. she goes to classes for adults with disabilities and is the top of the class as she is not as reliant as some of the others. This gives her an almost invincible inflated view of herself… which causes issues when someone says no to her. Xx

[Galwaybay2]

Obsessive behaviour is so hard to deal with, I know from experience, and breaking habits can be hard. My son is intermittently supported by the ld mental health team who step ìn when needed, now that he is known to them. Intervention has to be sensitive, so speaking to social services and her GP about the best approach will help and they have a duty if care. She is vulnerable and at risk, so they need to be urged to listen. My adult son sets his mind against things so I always have to introduce new things by stealth so that he thinks he is choosing and have found that explaining that to the right person can help him feel he is making his own choices. There will be social or sports or walking groups in your area that she may be allowed join for a taster session and she may discover that she likes them. There will be a social/relationship gap that pubs are filling at the moment and she will need help to find them and you need help to help her. A bit of a Google and a visit to her GP may be a start.

[Y80jan in reply to Galwaybay2]

I agree with introducing new things to her to get her off the track of the compulsion. I have gone from getting her out of chat rooms to looking after a pet rabbit. Obsessing with gyms and losing weight to watching cartoons. It is one extreme to another. She won’t talk to me at the moment and says she wants space. She is refusing to come to me for Christmas as it will interfere with her going to the pub. She definitely has a relationship gap and I see why she is doing it. The only problem is she cannot recognise who is on her side and who is taking advantage. I will try her GP and see if I can get a referral to adult learning team. Thanks for your comments x