Sibling bereavement

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Some siblings may have experienced the loss of their disabled brother or sister, either during childhood or as an adult. Whatever your age or circumstances, the loss is real and significant. Losing a brother or sister will have a profound effect on you and those around you.

Sibs offers heartfelt condolences to all adult siblings who are grieving during this incredibly difficult time. At a time when you most need company and a hug, you may not be able to have this. Feelings of loneliness are heightened. For siblings who may have spent a lifetime putting their needs aside for the benefit of others, this is especially hard. Some siblings will also be supporting a disabled brother or sister through loss and grief too.

Issues specific to the loss of a disabled brother or sister:

•Experiencing disenfranchised grief i.e. the way you grieve is not considered socially acceptable or the grief isn’t considered worth it. People may say things like: ‘Her health has always been bad…’ ‘He wasn’t expected to have a full life expectancy…’

•Loss of role and identity – You may have been one of the main caregivers for your brother or sister and may feel a loss for the caring role you undertook

•Anger – You may feel very angry that services or treatments were not available for your brother or sister, or that he or she was treated with less dignity than others in hospital or a care home

•Guilt – You may feel guilty about things like – how much time you have spent with your brother or sister; resentment about care tasks; relief that you will not have to care in the future; having survived…

Supporting yourself after the death of your brother/sister:

•Give yourself time. There is no set time or pattern for grief and it varies for everybody. Be patient and take the time you need, without feeling pressure

•Find a way to express your grief. For some siblings, this will be talking to a close friend. For others, this will be keeping a diary, or using music or art. Some will put together a memory box. Find a way that works for you

•Keep healthy. Looking after your physical health is a good way of keeping you mentally healthy. Take regular exercise and make sure you eat and sleep as well as you can

Supporting a sibling after the death of their brother/sister:

•Keep in touch. Let them know you’re there and that you’re thinking of them

•Let them talk. Giving a sibling space to open up is vital

•Let them feel however they feel. There is no ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ way to process grief

More support

•Click here to read our full information and coping strategies for bereaved adult siblings or pass it on to a sibling you know who could benefit sibs.org.uk/support-for-adu...

•Our bereaved siblings group is a friendly peer support group for adult siblings whose disabled brother or sister has died. Join here sibs.org.uk/support-for-adu...

•Advice for adult siblings on how to find a counsellor sibs.org.uk/support-for-adu...

•Cruse Bereavement Care. Helpline 0808 808 1677 and online chat service available cruse.org.uk/

Over to you

Whether you have a question about sibling bereavement, or you’d like to share a memory of your brother/sister that makes you smile – let us know in the comments below

Clare

Sibs