Letting go…

I’ve been struggling with Bipolar I for many years. Over the past two years I’ve developed horrible medical conditions such as being prediabetic, obesity, and sleep apnea due to the great amount of weight I’ve gained as a result of being on various medications. I’ve yet to find relief…have reached out to various doctors. I saw my psychiatrist three times in 2022 because he is “so booked” and Kaiser cannot “find anyone else to help me.” I go to the ER only to be prescribed medication that worsens Bipolar because only a psychiatrist has the authority to prescribe medication for the disorder. Also I am told to follow up with my doctor. Who again doesn’t have time to work with me. I began a relationship with a man who over the past year has been physically, mentally, and financially abusive. I’ve held on to this relationship because I do not have support from family nor do I have friends. I have agoraphobia so I do not leave the house. I have everything delivered to me from clothes and food. Even my vehicle was delivered to me. I’ve been working from home also. The guy I’ve been seeing broke up with me yesterday…we were together since February of 2022…we broke up in November 2022…as of the day before yesterday he reached out to me to try and re connect. But again, as of yesterday the abuse restarted & I’ve been dumped. I cried to God the whole time we weren’t speaking previously confessing my attachment and love for this person. Holding on to the times that they made me feel loved. Told me they loved me, something I next to never hear. I no longer want to be tied to the relationship. Since he dumped me I’ve blocked his number and deleted all photos/videos of him. I am not active on social media so there hasn’t and isn’t any interaction in that realm. I just want relief. I want to let go of the hurt and confusion of not feeling good enough. I am fine without him, I get it. Especially since he’s only been in my life for a year. I’m very sad and I just hope that you all are able to overcome any heartaches or obstacles that you’re painfully facing. Thank you for listening.

[Dolphin14]

I'm sorry for the pain you are going through. I think it's part of our low self esteem that keeps us attached to people that hurt us. Receiving some positive feedback out weighs the negative for some people.

There are many articles you can read about why some people stay with abusers, and that's for emotional and physical abuse.

I think the key is learning about ourselves, who we are inside our hearts. When we look outside for happiness we do set ourselves up for possible hurt and rejection.

I hope you can work through this. Don't give anyone the power to take you down. You are a good person, you are worthy and you deserve to be treated with kindness

🐬