What is your most bothersome PTSD symptom? - Heal My PTSD
Anger
Inability to trust anyone!!!
I'd agree with this myself Whirlwind
I've had PTSD since early childhood and I trusted nobody. I hid my emotions and feelings from everyone. In my early 20's I started to trust nobody and that became more intense until recently. I got angry at why I had to be the one to be ashamed of myself when I didn't do anything wrong, I didn't create my situation. In my work place I was going to do the best I could to be true to myself and if people hated me or ridiculed me I was just going to deal with it and press on. During this time I kicked a lot of long time friends out of my life and called my family out on the carpet for their lack of support all my life. It felt like I was living in a war zone. But out of that maybe 3 people got to know who I was and accepted me. Its not much but 3 people I can now genuinely trust and I feel this is just the beginning.
How did you go about calling your family out? Because certain of mine are the cause of my PTSD, they have the means to provide both financial and emotional support, but they refuse. So I want to let them know that they are causing continued damage.
i have that problem too
This is such a huge issue for me.
I couldn't pick just one!
The disassociation without being able to control it!
if i could just let go of hipervigilence and learn to trust and if I could just just heal from what's causing me anxiety. i want to become less avoidant and more present! 
Only God can help me out have been on paxil but I still get flash back. I'm anger. I'm in middle of court to testify in trails. I need any help to be strong and prepared .Each time I see my ubuse.i get panic attacks and I get very sick and end up go to ER? How can be better with all this painful events have stuck in my brain?
Please help to me move on
I went through a seven year divorce (two trials and many hearings) with my high-functioning BPD husband. If I had it to do over again I would have walked away, taken whatever settlement offer I could get, and left to begin healing sooner.
The courtroom can be shaming and traumatic. It sounds as though it has been for your to have such serious reactions.
There is a book for abused people called "Splitting" on Amazon. Do the best you can to make certain your attorney reads it and you speak together about it's advice for divorcing someone abusive. There is help there but your attorney needs to take the time or have experience with your types of case and have won them as best possible.
It's important to remember that you are dealing with a very sick person without compassion -- this is not his choice -- it's in his DNA or brain manner. People with low empathy can now be diagnosed through brain scans.
If you think he has Borderline personality disorder -- ask for a psych consult through your attorney.
If you are wondering if you have the right attorney, seek help from your domestic violence shelter (whether it was verbal or physical abuse) in finding an attorney -- the phone book and personal referrals that do not involve abuse will not help.
Bring anyone you know who cares about you -- even if they don't know your story -- to court
either as character witnesses or just to sit in the gallery and be present for you.
Do not argue with your spouses attorney. I made that mistake after receiving much legal abuse from her and it hurt me greatly. It's hard not to take her questions and attempts to discredit you personally and seriously, and particularly so for a person abused by his/her client.
I am so hoping to see legislation that disallows spouses to be in the same courtroom at the same time without both spouses consent. It's unfair, it's cruel, it's wrong.
Do the best you can and breathe quietly -- answer respectfully but honestly about the harm you endured.
When your spouse lies -- and this will happen time and again -- say "this is not true" and if you have any evidence that the statement is not true -- present it to the court through your attorney.
So would like to help you more. You are worthy and no one, under any circumstances, should be subjected to continual abuse. This will be over -- finally -- soon. When it is you can began to heal deeply without having to endure the trauma of court another day.
I'll have a candle lit for you until you let me know this is over . . .
P.S. Practice mindfulness meditation daily -- go slowly -- 3 minute, 5 minutes, to 30" once
or twice a day. Use your breath and know that you are loved and loving and the future is
brighter than the place you are now. Do not expect too much of yourself -- do not blame yourself if you over react in court -- be as kind to yourself as you would to another in your situation.
Paranoia, trust issues, inability to process thoughts and link to time.
yep, trust is a biggie for me, and are they really being honest? Or are they pretending to care and will walk away leaving me alone......
I felt this way about every person I've worked with during the last 9 years. That alone triggered me. I walked out of my last job just last week. I cant go back this time. I'm throwing in the towel and applying for SSD. I made a subconscience vow to myself to never let people like that be around me ever again
Ditto me
Reading the other responses I can identify with so many of them. I think 'not being able to process' is the worst , until then the flashbacks & nightmares remain .
fear of people all the time
Yes, even my husband, who is gentle and kind. I fear all people some days.
I hope you're not afraid of me.
I picked anger and dissociation. They tend to go hand in hand with me. One of the biggest one's for me is the inability to trust myself as well.
I identify with most of these posts but mostly with yours. Dissociation and anger/rage are my most debilitating complex-PTSD symptoms. My inability to trust others and constant suspicion of others real agendas makes all relationships hard. I isolate... I read about it lots, to understand the way I am and I now do, although I don't know how to heal/apply what I've learned. I am now undergoing chemotherapy for Hodgkin's lymphoma, severely depressed, hopeless...I'm so tired, and fed up just existing, feeling numb. I've been a fighter for 40 years but instead of things improving they get harder, like communicating with people. Once simple things are getting harder the older I get and probably the longer I isolate. God bless all of you. I really hope you find peace and feel joy again. Love to everyone here xx
Fairlost I hope your Chemo is going well , they should have warned you of the tiredness and depression .I really feel for you as I am very isolated now and even though I dread being around people I do feel kind of lonely at times , at other times I feel as though I am in the most fantastic mood I could ever have until I try to go out my front door! then I come crashing down again!
I totally get it. I had a liver transplant in 2011 which did not work out. My new liver is already cirrhotic due to complications. Dissociation manifests in me as 2-3 hr hair-picking sessions which are like comas or fugue states. The anger is the strongest feeling I'm aware of - its certainly stronger than any good thoughts I have about myself(which are rare). I find the c-PTSD to be decimating. A bigger battle than the physical. The abuses and neglect waged by my narcissistic parents - the damage they've done to me - was and continues to be horrific. I understand how the physical illness along with the PTSD seems absolutely daunting at best. Especially if you were taught early on that your needs were not important. It makes the most basic self-care a lofty goal. I'm 57, and the realization of the PTSD through psychiatrist along with the liver issues came to me in the past 4 years. God bless you! I think we all find peace and joy someday, sometime, eventually. There is my hope and I have that hope for you as well.
Isolating.
I would have to say Hyper Vigilance/ Anxiety/ Panic/ and Anger at what has happened to me.
I have a lot of that too.
Flash back and dissociation, I have lost myself and I don't even know who I'm .I walk and talk but I feel like walk in middle of sea .what happen to my brain is something I can't explain or find anything who can understand me .no family no friends no therapy even Dr I saw want me to take Paxil. I hope someone may be on here can guide me but I don't know if I'm able because every some talk to me I see the face and the time I left I'm like what did he or say? Does everyone go through this it's 2 and half years I was told i jave severe post traumatic stress disorder and it's not getting better and I'm not trying to get any advice or I deal so I can have just little life in me ?
Flash back
Flash back I wish I can delete it and have new life and get myself back
Muscle tension/nerves on edge/inability to concentrate.
I know that is 3 but they are my "Big 3"
I spoke to a counsellor today about my agoraphobia and ptsd and was literally passed on to someone else , It seems they prefer easy cases or perhaps I am just passed helping I hope not.! I will wait and see what happens next although I am being passed on to another team? the lady I spoke to seemed to genuinely want to help me but she thought this other team would benefit me more ! I get nightmares/dreams that could be flash backs I dont know I have so much I have to try to remember that it gives me a migraine when I try!
Don't ever give up on getting better agoraphobia can be beaten as i had it really bad and could not go out at all. And now i can go out again i am still nervous around crowds of people but considering i could not leave my house i have come a long way from that. Just never give up Dell01 and take it a step at a time. I started by going out at night for short periods of time and went from there as the longer i avoided going out the more it took a hold of me. I hope you can feel better as i know how debilitating the condition can be and i wish you all the best Poohbear'
thank you Pooh bear , I have said before I find it easier to say how I really feel on here but I cant seem to do it when talking to others ,I do have a new Dr who at least is listening and is being helpfull not just pushing more Medication on to me ! some Drs think they need only treat the symptoms rather than the cause !!
thank you Pooh bear , I have said before I find it easier to say how I really feel on here but I cant seem to do it when talking to others ,I do have a new Dr who at least is listening and is being helpfull not just pushing more Medication on to me ! some Drs think they need only treat the symptoms rather than the cause !!
Dell01. Helping PTSD peeps are not for the faint of heart. That is for sure. I was passed (or terminated as they say here) twice. The first one REALLY hurt, very abrupt. The second time some years later. She made sure I knew, that it was not personal, but she was not equipped to handle such trauma, and dissociation. In her words, I was beyond her scope of practice. Which since then, I have learned to appreciate her honesty, and not just try and fake her way through it, doing more harm than good. It's a good trait in a T. to admit that, but nonetheless painful to hear. I am learning that healing, whether physical, mental or both, is always painful in the beginning. It's getting past the beginning part, I struggle with. If I can just get the wound to "scab" over, and start working through "itchy" phase, and then learn to "accept" the scars it leaves. I will be a more genuine, compassionate, and more beautiful "real" me, scars and all. Hope that analogy makes sense? Don't give up hope. This is a great place to be supported in our struggles. Just my observation in the short time I have been here.
Inability to trust, disassociation, and planning
My top symptoms are dissociation, catastrophizing, severe loneliness/isolation, and hopelessness - and I think all can be traced to the same root - inability to trust.
All of the above. Twice.
Adreline bursts when I hear unusual sounds.
I have continuous panic attacks. Especially around people that have done things to me. I am strong and survived many hardships in my life. I know I am fine and at this point what does it matter what someone else does? I will get through it. At least this is the reality I think is in my mind. No matter how much I know this, my body still continues to have physical reactions. Most times several daily. Diaphoretic, chest pain, difficulty breathing, and impending doom.
i love getting your e-mails about P.T.S.D. i want to thank you for them and everyone i read you always say i beleive in you and it puts a smile on my face.thank you for helping people like me.
dissociation
I recently broke up with my loving fiancee because I couldn't handle my own self. I love him so much, but I couldn't hurt him anymore with my PTSD and mood swings. Is there hope for me?
The anger seems to poke out its ugly head out during mood changes. As my mood reaches further into either depressive or hyper(manic) stages I find I am unable, if asked by someone very close to me, to have a "talk" or "discussion" I become angry, mainly because his voice is low in both bass quality and amplitude and I cannot hear both he and myself speaking so I yell. He escalates it by yelling at me for asking for so many repeats and I feel both sadness ( how can I need a hearing aid, going to the office today) and rising anger. So I talk loud. Face it and deal with me. The anger/depression or very hypo mania fe ds my sadness. I had Faith before this man. With his constant I mean constant partly meaningless banter about the Creator, I can't center myself to connect to my Jewish spirituality.
anger and lack of motivation during down times (I think it is part of disassociation)
I find trusting people is a very big problem for me.
What l call 'catastrophising'. I've made a mistake or done something wrong and I'm the worst person in the world and it's all going to be awful.
Feeling like I never existed. Dissociation.
Flashbacks but thet run a very close 2nd to nightmares. the inability to remember other people's ill doings to me as well. If anyone is nasty to me within days I have forgoten all the details, it's so hhard for me o remember details of bad behaviour towards me whether it was a few years ago, a few weeks ago or in my twenties, yet I cannot forget my childhood!
Couldn't pick just one Anxiety and panic, insomnia definitely, hypervigilance - I hardly ever leave my house and never without someone who will come straight back if I change my mind. Not many of them about...
Inability to trust myself
I understand why this is the hardest for you, GeminiDancer! I feel that the inability to trust others really affects my ability to have any social support, but without trusting myself there won't be the ability to learn to. I think everything starts with trusting and loving yourself and only after we master that are we able to build our work to include improving our issues outside of ourself.
Yes! I agree and more recently came to believe just what you said...that it all starts with loving and trusting ourselves. It's a shame what we've been taught makes that such an ongoing challenge.
Hanging in there, somehow. I am grateful to be a part of this community.
Definitely trust issues. But not a big fan of fear either.
Nightmares and flashbacks. These cause exhaustion, lack of sleep affects rationality, so my thinking isn't good. PTSD is isolating so leafs to lonliness.
So in summary
I'm screaming all might
Tired all day
Alone
Scared
Irrational
Fantastic isn't it?
There is an emoticon that says it all :I
Anxiety/panic attacks.
Grief from abandonment - it's so bad sometimes I cannot do a thing.
I just can't stop the tears. Even though I can seperate what's happening in my life and know it's not a normal reaction the tears just don't stop. So much so the stress is impacting my memory.
I actually have all of these , but mood swings just come on me, like a lot of these others, I never know when it is going to happen.
I actually have all of these, but like most of these Mood Swings hit me out of the blue, never know when another mood might take over.
I managed to get rid of my hypervigilance so now it is my memory problem that is the worst. I had a second traumatic experience so I started a few sessions of counselling. We worked around the hypervigilance, I did some CBT excersizes and it was extremely effcient. I used an execize form the book Mind over Mood.
Absolutely no motivation to do anything, and sleeping problems, it's currently 3.15am, but by 8am I'll want to sleep
I suffer every time a therapists understates my feelings. They listen to me for 10 minutes of trauma and say "It's very sad".
I couldn't just vote for one thing! My worst is insomnia/ flashbacks/panic attacks and nightmares this is all happening when I try to sleep 😢! during the day i can cope with most things 😊
Recently jumped out of my seat at work and screamed when someone dropped a box behind me.
my biggest issue is borders--feeling like i have none, that everyone is inside me
I think triggers should be added to the list.
Hi DarkMarigold,
Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
I think triggers are not on the list because they are a cause and not a symptom. The cause could be original trauma, a new trauma or a trigger - when something in the here & now reminds of the traumatic event. It could be a scent, a song, or a specific person that looks like the perpetrator.
When something 'triggers' PTSD, it starts the symptoms.
I hope this makes sense.
I had to pick a few of those, all but two, but then just looked again and putting anger aside, as I don't really experience it all that much, I should of also put mood swings.
I feel lost, totally alone, exteemly angry, resentful but most of all powerless. I try to keep in my head that i will not let these people win but they are winning. Everything feels so out of my control like im fighting a war but i dont even know who the hell im fighting anymore. I feel like I am damaged, dirty goods and everyone can see. Every relationship ive ever had has either ended with me being further abused or ruined by what has happened to me. My own daughter hates me and refuses to have anything more to do with me. Now on top of all this im suffering chronic pain from a couple of accidents ive had and this further impacts on what ive been through. I often feel that in some way i must have done something to desrve the way ive been treated all my life, that there must be something about me that is so wrong so broken that i will never get the peace in life that hopefully i will get in death
