How to cope with carers that aren’t positively challenging and are letting my partner spend hours on end in bed

[Loveandcats]

any advice on how to cope with home carers that are too soft compared to neuro rehab. My boyfriend now gets hoisted into his wheelchair half as much as he did at rehab because his home carers say he has headache or is too tired. Rehab saw him progress in how long he could sit out for but the attitude of the care company means he is declining in tolerance to sitting. I don’t know where to turn.

[pinkvision]

It could be that they are carers and not rehabers. Do they have the training, do they have the time, what is their education standard, what is their job description, are they on the minimum wage, do they care about their job or is it just a means to an end.

Not mean't as a jab but things to think about. The health and care system is failing across the board in the the NHS and private providers. It's the reality you are experiencing. It's in the news and papers every day.

Have you thought of doing things yourself to help your boyfriend.

[Lynd]

I doubt the carers will do things that the person does not want done. Maybe the legal situation.Have you spoken to the people in the office to find out what is going on exactly.

Good luck.

[Marnie22]

Give the Headway helpline a call on 0808 800 2244. They will be able to offer advice and support. Best wishes. 🌼

[Paxo]

Hi there.

I can only offer the views of the bi person not the carers.

The carers cone from the position of the person if compitent has the right to chose.

This I agree with to a point, as I being compitent have the right to chose even if it is not what is good for me.

I can often chose the easy option and have had carers that have let me. A good carer will over rule this if it is not in my best interests. This will cause conflict in the short term but is best in the long term.

Basically I know that I do not always know what is best for me.

It is a hard balancing act at time but be firm with the carers . Point out that they need to encourage his movement and to attempt to push himself.

I hope I have explained this clearly for you ( i'm going through a rough patch at moment and do not always get what i want to say across)

Keep pushing the carers it will be worth it

Pax

[Pairofboots]

Hi. I agree with issues raised by pax, competence, consent, and best interests. I also agree to a slightly lesser extent around education level, good care services ensure that staff are competent, sadly poor services do the minimum.

Best interest trumps consent, as we cannot support someone to harm themselves, if we do, we are complicit by omission of duty of care. This is why clear care plans are essential.

Sorry I talk as if a carer, which I was before BI. The rehab service would have had care plans that covered any perceived conflicts between duty, and consent. Have a chat with the rehab service, ask for copies of your partner's care plans, and if possible any reports pertaining to his discharge.

When you have these you can compare and contrast between what was in place, and current care, with rationales what each are attempting to achieve. This you can present to the commissioning author. It can be that the commissioned service is not appropriate.

It is worth getting Headway on side to support you and to advocate. Contact details are pinned to this page. Also although I have not had experience with Scope, Scope also advocate for people with a wide range of disabilities, not just what they original remit was.

🍀

[Alibongo60]

Hi loveandcats, it is difficult, it could be they are going for the easy quicker option if leaving your partner in bed is what he wants, I worked in care I could leave every resident in bed it’s just how you ask them is it morning do you want to get up or is it morning let’s get you dressed for breakfast, my mam also had home carers, they were pushed for time and even though she had dementia they took her word she’d been to the toilet etc even though that was part of her care plan. Contact the care provider to go through the care plan, can you not be there when they come so they have no choice but to get him up with encouragement, I hope this helps lots of luck love Alice xx

[teresa12]

Hi loveandcatsGood morning to you hope you are well as can be.

Answer to questions love is it your partner that's refusing to get out of bed my husband little sod he been told by OT to get out of bed and sit in his chair and I even agree with the carers to get out of bed tea time when I'm home from work. But my little darling won't he makes excuses all the time like your partner he got be hoist out of bed

All I can suggest is keep nagging him and explain how it make you feel seeing him in bed 24/7 and it not helping him also speak to your carers hun see what plan they got in place and get your OT to speak to care team

But end of the day hun they can't force him to get out of bed he got do it

My husband will get out of bed and than some weeks he stay in bed. Good luck

[superstar79]

Hi. Having been a carer for many years before my TBI. Hopefully I can advise you a little.The carers are there to ensure all of your partners needs are met….physically, mentally and emotionally.

Home carers are on a set time limit with the individuals that they care for but that’s no excuse for poor standards of care.

You know your partner best and if you feel that his needs are not being met then tell the carers what you want from them. Do not accept what they say if you feel that it’s not in your partners best interest. If they decline to do as you ask then contact a manager at the Home care company.

If they give you some line about limited time and the carers know best. Or they are short staffed then remind them that you are the one who knows what is best for him following advice from medical professionals.

It may be a long process but personally I would continue pushing for the right care for him even if it means you standing over the carers and telling them what they should be doing.

Contact your partners doctors and physio and ask them to send you a detailed care plan for his care needs at home.

Hopefully you can both get the correct care that you need soon.