Please Help!!

[LAJG]

Hi,

I believe I can sympathize with you because my wife had a brain aneurysm one coiled and one clipped and one of them ruptured on the operating table leaving her mentally challenge in some parts of the frontal lobe. She is by no means disable. It seems that I now am the enemy and everything I say and do is wrong, she thinks I am against her and all I wanna do is help her that’s why am on this site and other sites trying to get help. I have been dealing with this for about almost 7 yr, and She also has been lying lately which is very odd. Just not sure what to do. I don’t want to walk away but if I stay I might make it worse.

[Marnie22]

Hi. I would recommend calling the Headway helpline on 0808 800 2244. They are great with both information and support and I believe they could help you.

All the best. 🙂🌸

[cat3]

Your wife has to accept there's a problem, otherwise there'll be no motivation for change. We brain injured folk can be totally unaware we're behaving differently, and adamant in defending our behaviour.

It would be helpful to know more details, such as :-

How radical have the changes been in your wife's behaviour ?

Have you explained to her in detail how miserable you're feeling................including your thoughts of leaving ?

Would your wife be capable of coping alone if you left ?

Finally ; do you reckon she might agree to therapy in an effort to save your relationship ?

Sorry for the inquisition, but it's easier for people to comment on your situation if they have more background information.

Best wishes, Cat x

[Charlie90]

Hello very sorry to hear about your wife, the same thing happened to me this is the first time I’m hearing the same happened to some one else, I had an anuerysm rupture during planned coiling, I am still very early days within first year, but I am aware of the huge strain it puts on relationships, I feel for my partner so much as he didn’t sign up for this but his whole life has changed over night too as he has to put up with my changes in personality and he probably feels the same as you, have you tried attending local headway? As I hear they are extremely supportive,

[AndrewT]

Dear LAJG,

Please DON'T think that I'm 'Passing The Buck' here but.... does she have any Family, she could maybe visit for a time. Would not a Visit, from Grandma, Auntie (even Great Auntie) be a good idea? A change of scene, a more Rural location- plenry of fresh air. A time for you Both to 'think'. Perhaps, with Time (the best possible 'healer') you might find a better accord.

If, your wife, dosen't have a Family she can visit then maybe a lovely 'Supported' holiday. Do, at the very least, speak to Social Services- these 'things' can be rather expensive. I am aware that the COVID situation is 'complicating' everything, at the moment.

I often use 'Re-Vitalise' myself, formally The Winged Fellowship Trust. One Centre, near Southampton, has Suits For Couples- this might sound 'daft' but let me explain. A lot of the Tensions, in your relationship, probably centre around you being her 'Carer' AND her Husband. (If I wrong here sorry, but hear me out anyway please). These Suits are in an enviroment were, all 'care'- personal and general- is provided. Couples can then go back, to the original arrangement, were they are Husband And Wife. At the very least it will give, you both, a well deserved Break.

I know that you still, very much, Love your Wife and- believe it, or not, she loves you too. Brain Injury is, in some ways, the Cruellest of Injuries- the person Looks the same, Sounds the same, even smells the same- but can act very differently. Some have discribed this as 'Almost a Bereavement', the loss of the person they knew.

As I said above TIME, along with Patience and LOVE,really is, the way forward LAJG. Do, see if you can, 'Get Away', be it with family or otherwise. Maybe even 'try' to have some Fun- alright maybe NOT 'that' ride.....

Sending you Both my Love, and Prayers

AndrewT

[sabin2015]

Hi my husband had a TBI 6 years ago and is the same with me .He exagerates sittuations to the extreme .All his anger is directed at me .i cant aay anything right .He has frontal lobe brain damage which he still wont fully except. He lies and was an alcholic and not sure if he is drinking again . The cerbal abuse i get is imence and getting me down to rhe point of thinking if leaving .i know he is my husband but cant live like this any more or my kids cant .