I typed a long post but it disappeared...so I will keep this short this time.
How do people with TBI cope with grief? On Tuesday this week my parents came to my work to tell me my beautiful younger brother passed away.To say we are all devastated is an understatement. He was only 36.
Thank you.
I am so sorry to hear your brother has died. It must be a surreal time and a terrible shock. I hope you are all keeping close and comforted. My mother died a few years following on from my sah and it was catastrophic. I'm afraid nothing prepares us for the amount of grief that will hit us. Its not any worse for siblings as it is for parents. I don't think you can feel grief any worse with a brain injury. You are in my thoughts. Just get through in any way you can, all together keeping close. xx
I thought I would add, that I lost a brother in his 30's, well before my tbi. He was two years older than me and we were very close as kids, but then relatively distant as adults. He dropped dead of a heart attack abroad. I was at work in Winchester when my sister rang with the news. It was as though an atomic bomb (Hiroshima) had detonated! My brother had a four year old daughter who was down visiting at the time. Suffice to say, we were well and truly off "our trolleys" before the funeral. Our whole family stayed together in one house. The following day none us got dressed. Instead we paraded around the house in our birthday suits (in the nod!). It was utterly bonkers for a short while. To lose someone so young isn't normal...it makes no sense! My brother had been a larger than life character and was wonderful.
Okay Ro, you don't have to get your head around this just yet, or even believe it has happened. If you need a good rage then rage. Go to the coast and scream at the sea, which is what we would do!! Do anything to vent that rage and grief. To "lose the plot" a bit, is a completely normal reaction. Please take care and comfort your parents and siblings. xxxxxx
Oh Ro I'm so sorry..........
My brother died 3 years ago and it still hurts ; I'll always miss him. But your brother was so young that the shock must be off the scale. I'm sure that you and your family will comfort each other but I hope you have someone you can talk freely with about your emotions ; we sometimes hide our own feelings to protect others who're also grieving.
It's our biggest challenge in life because there's no solution to it, so we have no choice but to feel the acute pain of loss and a horrible sense of injustice. It will ease as time passes, though, right now, you just want your brother back and easing your pain will be the last thing on your mind. But my sister-in-law and I have reached the point where we can laugh about things my brother did or said ; we both wish he was still here, but it's a more bearable loss since time has eased the sting.
Dying feels so incompatible with living doesn't it, yet we know one isn't possible without the other, and some leave us too young.
I'm so sorry for you pain m'love ; I can only say we're here to listen, any time.
Sincere condolences to you and your family.......
Cat x
so sorry for your loss, its difficult enough for people who havent suffered a tbi to cope but add all the emotional termoil we already suffer.......................
im not sure if youve done the same, but when i had my brain injury, i informed my family and friends i could burst into tears for no reason, im sure your friends and workmates will understand.
Thank you for the support. It really helps. Going to be a very difficult time ahead. Once post mortem I need to decide do I or don't I see him... then the funeral. Gosh can't imagine how I will get through that. Having got so far since my injury 3 years ago I really felt onwards upwards. Then this knocked me for 6. I like to think given time I will fight on. Thanks for listening all.
My deepest sympathies to you and your famly. I lost my twin brother many years ago when he was only 37 so I do have some idea of what you may be feeling. He was too young! You are quite right there are difficult times ahead and both you and your family will struggle at times, but rely on each other at this time - it does help to some degree. Feeling rotten,sad and everything else is normal- please do not forget this and try to remember this at your lowest points. No-one can tell you if you should see your brother - that decision is entireley up to you, but whatever you decide please remember that you are making the best choice that you feel is right for you- there really is no right or wrong decision - purely how you feel at this time. Loss is a very very personal experience and each and every one of us has the right to choose how we deal with it. Take care and thinking of you. Clare
What everyone says is true, at times when the emotions were too much for me, acupuncture helped me immensely.
I found my eldest brother dead in bed. I was in shock for awhile. Then taking care of his external life was for 6mths with his daughter. Finally after 8mths i began to grieve. Now it is 10mths. I miss him terribly. I do go to a grief group and it helps. But as I have been told grief changes us, it makes us feel things like we never felt before especially if we were close to the departed. The interesting thing is that he had a tbi and I had a tbi. His brain eventually showed issues no one knew till a head scan at his mid life. My grief was he understood me so well as to a tbi, and one day said " i said a prayer for you today"... He knew. So now that he is gone, so does my brotherly support. I have 5 other siblings and none are supportive in my tbi recovery. So, with a tbi, what I miss is the comfort and understanding, his tenderness and his tears through my past and future hard times. He was there. The grief group helps so much as in listening and in support. THere is no rush in healing or getting over as some say. THere will be toxic people in our lives and don't reach out to them for support. Do something about the grief, like in expression in writing or painting, do something then laying around. The departed would like us to live life as though they are next to us. Have a prayer life, pray for the uplifting feeling from the alone feeling without brother. I think having a tbi makes us more sensitive and emotional to loss. We suffer our own loss and then a loss of a loved one compounds us in recovery.
My best to you and surely go through the seasons on healing, meaning a whole year.
Living with TBI and isolation 
Living along with a TBI
TBI 
Caring for someone with a TBI
